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Through the vale, across the brook, to the church on the hillside. 



WHEN HE 
FOUND HIMSELF 


Dorothy Palatianos 


COLUMBUS. OHIOi 
THE HEBR PREM 
1918 




Copyright, 1918, by 
DOROTHY PALATIANOS 


DEC 30 1918 


©CU5()87.19 


To 

MY SOLDIERMAN, 
LOVER AND 
HUSBAND-N.E.P. 



/ 


PREFACE 


B y my side is a basket of roses and asters 
— a gift from a friend, — and in their 
white and blue basket with their faces 
against the green sprays, they are to me a 
snatch of the whole universe. 

Man, God and Nature — all are in this basket 
of flowers and are as connected, yet distinct as 
in the entire universe. Each flower has a dif- 
ferent face, each one to me is a harbinger, but 
the sweetest message they bring is this — ''A 
friend sent me.’’ A friend! 

And to you who read this book, if somewhere 
in its pages you find a message which will give 
you more courage, faith or make your heart 
lighter, I will feel I have, not written in vain. It 
is for you, my friend, I have written. And you 
who have given me a smiling Good Morning, or 
a pleasant word in passing, and again, you who 
have looked frowningly on my deeds and have 
spoken sharply against my ways — all you have 
made this book possible. I have written life just 
as I have seen it. The people I have known. 

As I turn again to my basket of flowers in 
their spicy fragrance, as they reach out to me, 
( 5 ) 


6 


Preface 


I see the past, present and future of our world. 
And the future is grander and better than the 
past or present ever has been. For this war is 
the one great sign that our world is growing 
better. It has its horrors and sorrows greater 
and deeper than any war we have ever known — 
but beyond — beyond is the goal which civiliza- 
tion is longing to reach and which without this 
war, it would have taken centuries to reach. For 
good can never arise without a conflict — the 
struggle is the symbol of higher ideals — of hope 
and longing for a fairer vision of God. 

And my message to you can be given in no 
better words than those I have written at the be- 
ginning of the fourth chapter — 

Live, love and grow. Reach out to all the 
good you meet. Have faith in man. Make 
your heaven now and live in it. 


— M. D. P. 


And love is blind? 

Nay, foolish one ’tis love 
That scans the depths and finds 
Good, where mortals find despair. 

Only Mother 

When first I saw the light. 

Viewed distant heights 

And dreamed where I might climb. 

And over walls 

Of faults so big and high 

Aunt Mary saw 

And loved me just the same. 

From over seas 

A knight, brave, strong and true, 

Came — felt my spirit 

Loved me, and called me, wife. 

In everyone 

There’s something big and fine 
Failures and faults 
Forgot — because love saw. 

And love is blind? 

Why those who love, can make 
The world go round 
Because they understand. 

( 7 ) 


. 


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CHAPTER ONE 


And so every one of us, as we walk down the Trail, come 
to the narrow precipices and shady nooks alike. The Trail never 
changes. The flowers blossom for the rich and poor; the same 
spring waters all mankind. If we go astray into the many by- 
paths, we must all hit the Trail again, for only ^he Trail leads 
to the Gate, through which we pass to the Land Beyond. Every 
soul in time reaches the Land Beyond, but many have to linger 
at the Gate to shake their dusty garments and cast away the 
clinging burrs. 

A merry whistling tune broke the stillness 
of the September afternoon and as the tune grew 
louder and faster, the shambling form of Jake 
Crex appeared around the corner and approached 
the carriage shop. He sat down on a bench, 
pushed his dusty, black hat back from his dingy 
forehead and took his beloved pipe from his 
mouth. 

‘Well sir, I had the queerest dream last night. 
I was just telling Doc about it and by gosh, 
there is something going to happen! I never felt 
so queer. A whole gang of women kept coming 
to me and asking me to marry them and if there 
is one thing I shun, it's a woman. One of them 
tried to kiss me, by grab! I never kissed my 
wife but once and that was after she was dead. 

( 9 ) 


10 


When He Found Himself 


But if something don't happen, Fll miss my 
guess. I never worry but I just feel sort of 
queer about Harringtons. Golly, it's sort of 
risky business driving that there new machine 
in the city, not knowin' more about it than he 
does" — and pulling his lank self together, he 
arose and sauntered out. Then turning quickly, 
came back. 

‘That there little teacher is a peach. She 
sure is gettin' her reputation up. And she don't 
whip either. By heck! I uster think that was 
the only way. It orter be yet, — but she seems 
to get along. But it's my opinion — Well she's 
pretty anyhow. Do wish though that Harring- 
tons were back from town. He's always going 
on some fool errant." 

After Jake had gone and his whistle told them 
he was out of hearing, the men laughed good- 
naturedly. 

“Old Jake's evidently a woman hater," Ber- 
ger said. 

“Yes, a woman hater and a prophet. 
Something's going to happen," answered 
Williams. 


When He Found Himself 


11 


A large green car hummed down Broadway 
pike, sailed through a small town and darted 
down a narrow country road, a cloud of dust 
twirling after it. The driver, a well dressed man, 
guided it skillfully. The spacious back seat had 
two occupants. One a young woman with beauti- 
ful golden tinted hair, under a black picture hat, 
— richly dressed, perhaps a little overdressed, too 
much jewelry to be effective. And the other a 
little boy of four with dark brown hair and big 
blue eyes, holding a once white elephant tightly 
under one arm and a box of mint candy in the 
other hand. The woman bent to kiss the cherub 
beside her. 

''Do you love me, mother 

"Of course, sweetheart.’’ 

"Does papa love me too?” 

"Yes,” falteringly. 

"Then why does he leave us all by ourselves? 
And only comes to see us once in a long, long 
time?” 

"He must work to make money” — her voice 
quivered. She knew she was lying, so the child- 
ish eyes might not see the awful gap. 

"To make money for us, mother?” 

"See the cows and baby horses in the field, 
Loyd?” she asked, trying to turn his mind to 
other things. 


12 


When He Found Himself 


There was a grinding noise and the green 
car slowed down. Finally, it stopped with a sud- 
den jerk. 

''What’s wrong, Guy?” the fair-haired lady 
asked, leaning forward. 

"Nothing serious, I hope,” came the reply, as 
he climbed out. 

Down the road about three hundred yards, 
a band of gypsies had encamped. The dogs were 
hunting in the tall grasses, keeping up a con- 
tinuous howl. 

Ragged, dirty-faced, frowsy-haired children 
were gathering sticks, and several men laid in 
the shade. Just as Guy Fuller was brushing the 
dust from his motor coat to enter the machine, 
a woman arrayed in bright colors and bedecked 
with tawdry jewelry, drew near the machine. 
Neither man nor woman saw her, but Loyd did 
and putting his priceless possessions behind him, 
he nestled close and whispered — "Mother, look.” 

The Gypsy laid her brown hand across the 
door and pleaded — "Let me tell your fortune. 
Something great in store for you.” 

"Not today,” the fair lady drew away from 
her. 

"Cross me hand with silver,” she whined, 
"and ril wish you never want, my lucky gentle- 
man, Sir,” to Guy. 


When He Found Himself 


13 


At this he climbed into the automobile, banged 
the door back of him. '^No Florence,’’ he said 
softly as the child’s mother reached for her 
purse. He looked at her fondly. It was her one 
fault — generosity, giving even herself, if anyone 
pleaded piteously. 

Florence put her purse back. The hideous 
woman’s quick eye caught the emblem painted 
on the car. 

'^Ha,” she cried, shaking her crooked finger 
and putting her grimy face close to Guy’s — ''Ze 
Land Turtle bring ye trouble. Let Queen Zar- 
vis bring ye luck” — pointing to herself. “Ze 
bridges are many.” 

'T shan’t cross the bridges,” Guy returned 
carelessly. 

''Yes, but ye cannot go in or out ze town 
without crossing ze bridge.” 

"Such outcasts and so barbaric,” observed 
Florence, as they left the threatening queen and 
passed their caravan. "She is a prophetess. 
Are you afraid?” 

"No. I can’t imagine a town that you can’t 
get into or leave without crossing a bridge.” 

A fifteen minutes’ drive and they swung 
around a corner and came to a standstill along 
the side of a small country station. 

"Twenty-three minutes until your train is 


14 


When He Found Himself 


due/’ Guy remarked, coming out of the station. 
He sat in the back seat holding Loyd, ^Well, the 
Land Turtle gave you a nice ride” — to Loyd. 

“Yes, so much pleasanter than waiting in the 
hot Columbus Depot and just think, I saved 
twenty-five cents” — Florence said. 

“Why can’t we go all the way with you?” 
Loyd interrupted. 

“You are going with mamma a long way on 
the train,” Guy replied. 

“How I wish we might stay with you, Guy. 
I am so happy when we are together. Why 
can’t we ?” 

“You will be better satisfied there in Valley 
Mills. You’ll have a comfortable home and your 
work will keep you so busy, you will be happy.” 

“Yes,” and her eyes were dreamy as she 
touched her violin, “I love it.” 

“We couldn’t be together. My work takes 
me here and there. You must be settled to use 
your talent.” 

The train whistled. The three scrambled out 
and as the snorting train paused, Guy held 
Florence in his arm an instant, then grabbing the 
child, gave him a kiss and a hearty hug. And as 
the train sped on separating the trio, it seemed 
to echo back — “I thot I could, I thot I could, I 
thot I could.” 


When He Found Himself 


15 


So the Land Turtle rambled on toward Sam- 
soun and in about an hour after Jake Crex’s 
shambling form had left the carriage shop, the 
Land Turtle descended the slopping hill, crossed 
the bridge and entered the village. 

'"One bridge crossed safely,’’ Guy laughed to 
himself at the absurd remark of the gypsy. 

Everything was quiet in the little sleepy 
town. In the school house on the hill, work went 
along uninterruptedly. Half a dozen tiny tots 
slipped through the big doors and were running 
home. Guy’s mind went back to little Loyd, so 
deep were his thots, he did not see the curly 
haired boy run out into the road after a ball, 
until the big car was scarcely two yards from 
the child. Unconsciously he sounded the horn, 
then a great fear clutched at his heart. The big 
car jerked, swayed to the right and turned into 
the ditch. 

In the school room the ^'Little Teacher” was 
flitting from child to child, helping each with his 
difficult lesson. The principal, his assistant and 
the high school pupils had gone to a neighboring 
town for a football game. In fifteen minutes 
the gong would sound and the children in her 
room and the primary room across the hall 
would go home. It was warm and the first week 
was a trying one. 


16 


When He Found Himself 


Suddenly the tooting of a horn and a crash 
like the instant stopping of a huge machine and 
every child was on his feet. Despite all the little 
teacher could do, there were shouts and groans. 

Out in the road a green car lay kicking and 
spurting in a disgraceful manner. The little 
teacher pulled back the curtain and stared too, 
for even a balky machine in Samsoun was ex- 
citing. Then she saw the form of a man lying 
pinned under the car. Turning to the children 
she said, 'T want Keith and Clark to come with 
me, and Merrill to run for Doctor Paulding. The 
rest of you see how sweet and good you can be 
in the room.” 

Gathering her crew together, she slipped 
quietly out while the children, awed as they al- 
ways were by her calm, motherly way, watched 
from the windows. 

The man writhed in pain and groans came 
to her as she approached the twisted heap. He 
attempted to speak but the pain was too great 
and as she knelt beside him a look of relief came 
over his face. A misty blackness seemed to be 
between him and those working over him and 
it was not cleared away, until he awoke several 
hours later in a cool room with the soft breezes 
coming in the window. 


When He Found Himself 


17 


“Where shall we take him/’ the Doctor asked, 
as they took his crushed form from the wreck. 

“To the hotel, I should think,” suggested 
one of the men. 

“But Mrs. Maynard is crowded now and ex- 
pecting more tonight,” someone else argued. 
Then the little teacher stepped in and had her 
way, as she always did, and as a result the suf- 
ferer landed in a pleasant room in the Harring- 
ton home. Not once did she stop to think what 
Mr. and Mrs. Harrington would say. 


2 


CHAPTER TWO 


’Twas just to help humanity along, 

I had no thot of pay or praise 
When I did sing that song. 

After the Doctor had left and the big house 
was quiet, the little teacher tiptoed softly up 
the stair, raised the shade so the soft twilight 
could come into the room, and sat by the window. 
A butterfly fluttered against the screen and the 
catalpa leaves danced playfully on the veranda 
roof. The calmness of the world outside brought 
her to her senses. What had she done? What 
business had she to bring a strange man so in- 
jured that it would be impossible to move him for 
at least a month, into this home? This home 
where everything was so comfortable and she 
was only a boarder. What would Mrs. Harring- 
ton say? How would she ever explain? 

Her chin rested in the palm of her two ca- 
pable hands, not white, little lady-do-nothing 
hands, the kind you read about, but pinkish hu- 
man hands, the kind that care for sick children 
and cook warm suppers for hungry men. The 
old clock downstairs struck the half hour, a few 
( 18 ) 


When He Found Himself 19 

minutes passed and the shop bell told the end of 
a business day. The frown cleared from her 
face as the old bell clanged cheerfully for wasn’t 
Mr. Harrington owner of that shop and bell and 
wasn’t he one of the kindest and biggest hearted 
men in Samsoun? And although only an ac- 
quaintance of a few weeks, he was father to her 
in name and attitude. Like the old shop bell al- 
ways ready to help, as it was to be rung. 

And Mrs. Harrington, why she was just, 
Mother. All the good that word could imply 
was wrapped in her noble character. 

Down the west road a beautiful car was glid- 
ing swiftly toward Samsoun and as it crossed 
the bridge and climbed the grade to the village, 
the little teacher laid her head on the window-sill 
and breathed a prayer for the life of this un- 
known man, and then left things in the hands, of 
the All Powerful Father who knows the why of 
such strange happenings. 

A groan brought her to her feet and as she 
moved to the bedside, a car shot down the south 
road and up the drive. Harringtons had come 
home. From that hour the little teacher lived 
in another world — a world where there is real 
love and real rivals — a world of strife, and hate, 
and jealousy, of friends, and beautiful things — 


20 


When He Found Himself 


a world where Fate reigns and one must patiently 
wait for the turn of the tide. 

When Mrs. Harrington alighted from the 
machine, Katie was there waiting anxiously to 
break the news. Her hair was slightly dis- 
heveled and her blue Irish eyes had a serious 
expression. 

“Shure mum but it is me that is after a bein’ 
glad to see you come home. With me hand all 
burnt and a man in your very best room upstairs 
all smashed up, liable to go any minute.” 

'‘Why Katie, what do you mean?” Mrs. Har- 
rington leaned against the car for support. “A 
man upstairs? Where is he going, and how can 
he go, if he’s all smashed up?” 

“It’s where he came from that I’m wonderin’ 
about. ’Tis a good thing he can’t move, or no 
tellin’ how soon he might be a creepin’ out with 
some o’ them handpainted vases and silver candle- 
sticks or me cameo pin that your husband was 
after a givin’ me for me birthday. It’s meself 
that’s been a thinkin’ no good would come from 
a takin’ that young school ma’rm to board,” 
Katie cried in one breath. For this new arrival 
did upset the entire household and make no little 
trouble for Katie at times. 

“Katie,” and Mr. Harrington spoke sternly. 


When He Found Himself 


21 


“Tell us quickly what you know about this ac- 
cident.’' 

Then she knew she had said too much, so 
embarrassed by this abrupt reproof, she hur- 
riedly tried to explain, and in her blundering 
way, make them understand. 

“Shure and I was jest a makin’ Love Knots 
for Tea, had ’em so light and flufify, jest ready 
for the oven, when such a commotion as I was 
after a bearin’ on the porch and in came that 
girl followed by the Doctor, both a tellin’ me in 
one voice what had happened, and that girl givin’ 
me orders to git your very best bed ready and 
Doc a givin’ orders for hot water and ice till I 
couldn’t get me wits together — then I looked 
over their shoulders and saw your brother Frank 
and two more men a carryin’ such a mangled 
form into this very house. It made me blood 
bile and I jest had me tongue ready to lick ’em 
all when something seemed to whisper in me ears, 
‘Katie phwat if it was after a bein’ your boy who 
was hurt and all alone in some strange place 
with no one to care for him’ and before I knew 
what I was doin’ old Katie was a climbin’ those 
stairs and fixin’ the bed and the next minute was 
a heatin’ water and how me heart did ache when 
I helped Doctor put those ice bandages on his 
poor head.” 


22 


When He Found Himself 


She brushed a tear from her cheek and went 
on, “Then in my hurry, I spilled a whole pan of 
boilin^ water on me hand, and the ^Love Knots^ 
is all spoiled and your best linen sheets all soiled 
for I didn’t have time to change ’em. But that 
giddy teacher is the start of it all and I’m after 
a thinkin’ — still if it were me boy and he was 
all alone” — tears came faster, and Katie walked 
blindly toward the house. 

Mr. and Mrs. Harrington exchanged glances 
and she followed Katie into the house, gave her 
directions for tea and laying aside her dusty gar- 
ments, prepared herself to enter the sick room. 

* * * * 

The bandaged head tried to turn, and a right 
hand grasped weakly in the air then fell limply. 
With a groan the eyes slowly opened. The room 
seemed dark, there was an odor of camphor then 
the fog began to clear away and the air was fresh 
and sweet. A robin’s goodnight song came to 
him clearly through the open window. Was he 
home at Reno? It grew darker again. What 
was the matter? No, it couldn’t be home. Was 
it Columbus? No, surely not that noisy, dusty 
city, it was so quiet and sweet here. He couldn’t 


When He Found Himself 


23 


think, it was so much nicer to lay there, he was 
so tired. There was a rustle somewhere near 
him. He moved his head, oh, such a very little, 
then he remembered — there had been an accident 
near a little town and someone, it was a girl, had 
found him. He turned his head a little more, 
this time he could see a slender figure dressed in 
white. He tried to speak but his lips were fever- 
ish and his tongue seemed so thick and immov- 
able. 

‘'Want a drink?” asked a low voice. 

He tried to answer but this good fairy 
seemed to understand. For a minute she was 
gone, then back again. He tried to reach for the 
water but a firm hand slipped under the pillow 
and in an instant the cool water was to his lips. 

“Thank — you,” he murmured. Then in a 
few minutes — “Please tell me where I am — and 
— what happened,” he finished slowly. 

“If you will promise not to talk anymore, I 
will tell you a little now and more when you are 
stronger. You had an accident and we brought 
you here so you would have a comfortable place 
until you are better. You are in the nicest little 
town, Samsoun, and this is the Harrington home. 
Please keep very quiet and don’t speak unless you 
wish for something. Now I am going to give 
you something good to drink.” 


24 


When He Found Himself 


He watched her fill a glass. It was a tempt- 
ing sort of stuff and was refreshing and sooth- 
ing. He felt sleepy again. ''A good fairy/’ he 
murmured. 

She turned quickly and raised a warning 
finger. 


CHAPTER THREE 


On rising — live each day 
As you plod on your way, 

So that to all you meet 
God will seem nearer. 

Mrs. Harrington slowly ascended the stairs, 
— at the turning she stopped and meditated. It 
was just at that twilight hour when there is a 
lull in the world outside, broken only by the 
sleepy twittering of the sparrows and the inter- 
mittent call of the meadow lark. The soft 
shadows fell around the tall, queenly form of 
this Mother as she stood there thinking. She 
wore a soft clinging gown of white and lavender. 
On her head was a silver crown, nature had 
given her, more beautiful than any silversmith 
could make. No gems adorned this crown for 
the setting was too rare for ordinary stones. 

At her throat her dress opened modestly and 
a pendant, with a garnet setting, hung on a slen- 
der chain emphasized the whiteness of her neck. 

Looking up she saw a slender figure stand- 
ing at the head of the stair. In the face was a 
wistful pleading look as if fearful of having done 
( 25 ) 


26 


When He Found Himself 


wrong, yet the proud bearing of the body seemed 
to say, I did what seemed right. It was for 
humanity’s sake. Whatever Mrs. Harrington 
was meditating over, no one knew, for in an in- 
stant the tall queenly figure was embracing the 
proud slender one, and if Mrs. Harrington in- 
tended to tell the little teacher that she objected 
to such impulsive and thoughtless actions, all 
such allusions melted away when two arms 
wound around her neck, and the little teacher 
whispered, ''Mother.” 

"Katie told us all about it. Of course we 
were surprised. It was so unusual to have such 
a happening in Samsoun. But tell me — is it any 
one you know ?” 

One arm still encircled the neck of the won- 
derful woman — "No, he is a stranger to all of 
us. But I never thought of how it might seem 
to other people or the trouble it would cause you. 
When I saw that crushed form suffering so ter- 
ribly, I forgot all — except that we must do some- 
thing to ease him. When he saw us trying our 
best to clear the wreck away, he tried to thank 
us, then Oh, such an expression came over his 
face, as he watched the two little boys working. 
Although the blood was running freely from an 
ugly cut, just above his forehead, he smiled 
bravely. The thot came to me — what if he 


When He Found Himself 


27 


has a wife and just such children waiting in some 
cozy little home for him” 

“We will do the best we can — if we only 
knew something about him, but being he is a 
perfect stranger! — Wasn’t there some way in 
which you could discover his name?” 

“There wasn’t a single card or paper any- 
where but we found a bill book with several bills 
in one pocket and an inexpensive watch.” 

“What kind of a machine did he have? Do 
you know how it happened?” 

“It is a Hartford, I heard the horn and the 
next minute we saw that a great machine had 
turned turtle. He evidently is quite wealthy 
judging from the car and his clothing.” 

“Yes, but you can’t always tell from ap- 
pearances. If we only knew something about 
him. But an absolute stranger so seriously in- 
jured is a great responsibility.” 

The young face was growing graver — ^‘Doc- 
tor suggested waiting until morning, then if he 
does not recover sufficiently to talk with us, he 
will send the auto number into Columbus and it 
surely could not be long until some word can be 
received concerning him.” 

“I didn’t think of that. It will work out all 
right.” the older woman hurriedly replied, seeing 


28 


When He Found Himself 


the tired, worried look that was making the girl’s 
shoulders sag. 

“You see today is Friday and I will be home 
to help you — then next week is the State Con- 
vention beginning Monday and lasting until 
Wednesday, so there won’t be any school. What 
does Katie think about the whole thing?” 

“She was very indignant at first but feels 
differently now. Dear soul, she meant all right. 
And she will be worth her weight in gold now, 
as she always is! Her hand is hurting her so 
badly.” 

The entire conversation had taken place just 
outside the sickroom door. Mrs. Harrington 
pushed the door open and stepped inside the 
room. She stood there a moment. — Amidst the 
snowy white pillows and bed clothing lay the 
bandaged form of a man. The face was turned 
toward the window revealing a clean cut pro- 
file of a man about thirty-five. Above the band- 
aged forehead, were locks of dark brown hair. 

Moving toward the center of the room she 
saw, not the countenance of a handsome man, the 
kind that by the simple moving of the eyelids, 
wins a woman’s love, not a mouth that curves in 
sneers at things distasteful to them, or a nose so 
perfect as to hint at royal lineage, but the face 
of a man who has seen both the good and bad 


When He Found Himself 


29 


roads of life, and who by choice has followed the 
former. For there is a determination of the chin, 
relieved from sternness by a mouth, perhaps too 
sensitive for a man, and a nose — why it was just 
the kind to give the face a jolly look, which often 
is the making of a man. 

As Mrs. Harrington saw this, the strange- 
ness of the situation came back to her. Never 
did she remember of an accident in Samsoun, 
much less such an unusual ending. But if she 
could have looked into the future she would have 
seen it was not the ending but the beginning. 

A few minutes later out in the hall she began 
planning. To Susie she said, “You stay in the 
room until tea. And Katie will remain during 
the tea hour, then I shall come for a half hour 
or so for I want you to bandage Katie’s hand. 
Use some of your salve which you say is so good. 
It will please her and she will feel better toward 
you.” 

Downstairs the lights were lighted. Mr. 
Harrington laid his paper aside, entered the din- 
ing room and stood at the head of the table wait- 
ing for Mrs. Harrington. A careless onlooker 
would merely have seen a man a little past fifty’ 
dressed in spotless linen, waiting as so many 
must wait for their supper. But this man was 
not waiting impatiently. He had a contented 


30 


When He Found Himself 


look and at a faint rustle at the far corner of 
the room, he turned his gaze from the savory, 
well-set table, crossed the room, greeted his wife 
and led her to her usual place. In the hall the 
little teacher busied herself with a stray lock, so 
as not to intrude upon the scene, then as she saw 
the tall gallant form straighten she tripped 
quietly into the room humming a soft melody. 

The evening meal was always an enjoyable 
one. All cares were laid aside — no one thot of 
discussing disagreeable things. Tonight Mrs. 
Harrington strove to keep the conversation away 
from the accident. 

'We had a beautiful drive today,’’ she re- 
marked. "The pike isn’t completed yet so we had 
to go by way of Reynoldsburg. When we were 
almost readv to come home we met Dr. Barnes. 
He inquired about you.” 

"Yes,” asserted Mr. Harrington, "he says he 
is coming out to Samsoun soon and will call. 
Did you answer his letter?” 

The little teacher blushed slightly. "Yes, and 
I believe it is his turn to write. I wonder if he 
has any new cases. His work is so interesting. 
He has promised, you know, to take me to the 
penitentiary some Sunday morning when I am in 
Columbus.” 


When He Found Himself 


31 


“Perhaps mother and I had better go along 
and see that you two do not have any trouble in 
getting out of the Pen/’ 

“You are very kind, father, but don’t you 
think that Doctor’s superior wisdom and my in- 
finite beauty would charm any keeper or guard?” 

. “It might charm them so as to keep you in, 
instead of leaving you out,” Mrs. Harrington 
rejoined. 

A little later she excused herself and went 
upstairs to take Katie’s place. Katie came down 
in a seemingly good humor. 

“Katie, the Xove Knots’ were fine. They 
are always so tempting after one has had a long 
drive. They weren’t spoiled at all,” Mr. Har- 
rington vouched. “I have eaten until I am 
ashamed of myself.” 

“Shure and here I’ve been after a wonderin’ 
if you could eat ’em at all. Old Katie never was 
after a bein’ so flustrated since the time me old 
man broke his legs.” 

“Katie, I have some salve that is so healing, 
won’t you let me bandage your hand for you ?” 

The blue Irish eyes softened, “Shure bless yer 
heart, for it’s a burnin’ so.” After the little 
teacher left the room Katie murmured, “Who 
would have thot she was a worrin’ and carin’ 
about me hand?” 


32 


When He Found Himself 


In a few minutes she came back with a band- 
age and salve and as the salve soothed the 
burning hand, so the tenderness of the girl 
calmed Katie’s feelings and peace was firmly 
established. 

That night as the little teacher laid in the 
easy chair placed in the sick room for her com- 
fort, she heard the Doctor and Mr. Harrington 
talking on the veranda below — heard his “Good- 
night” then the sleepy call of some lonesome bird 
— a dog in the distance acting as a night guard; 
and her thots drifted on from one incident 
to another and before she was aware of it she 
was wondering why Dr. Barnes seemed so in- 
terested in her — why he, here of late made fre- 
quent visits to Samsoun and the Harrington 
home. He was a man of unusual keenness and 
of extraordinary character. Could it be that he 
did have a deeper interest in her than just a true 
good friend ? Others thot he did but she had had 
several nice talks with him and knew his inner 
life. She knew how he valued a friend, and that 
a friendship formed with him would never be 
broken. 

The minutes slipped into half hours, half 
hours into hours — still the man lay motionless. 
The old clock downstairs struck the first stroke of 
the midnight hour and the little nurse shivered, 


When He Found Himself 


33 


drew the soft shawl around her and curled in the 
big chair like a tired child, she slept. 

It must have been near one, when the man 
slowly opened his eyes. At one side of the room 
the light burned low — everything was very quiet. 
He glanced around the room as far as a band- 
aged head would permit. Someone was in the 
room with him. Could it be that good fairy? 
He hoped so, she was sensible and seemed to 
understand without asking so many questions. 
He was wondering how long she would sleep. 
He wanted a drink, but must not waken her. It 
seemed a long wait but finally the little nurse 
sat up straight and looked at her watch. Then 
he spoke but the words came slow, “May — I have 
— a drink, — Please?” 

The sound of his voice startled her, “What 
do you want?” she asked sleepily. Then she 
chided herself and before he could answer, was 
standing by his side with the water. 

She turned the pillows, bathed his face with 
something, sweetly scented and cooling. He 
seemed so grateful for everything she did for 
him and she was just wondering what his name 
could be, when he said, 

“Thank you,” hesitatingly, “Miss 

“Susie”, she replied softly. 

3 


34 


When He Found Himself 


'‘Susie — Susie/’ he asked questioningly, 
thinking he had not heard the last name. 

"Just Susie.” They both smiled. 

"Well, will Miss Susie write — a few letters 

for me. It will relieve me so people will be 

wondering where I am?” 

"In the morning. It will be too tiresome to 
dictate them now.” 

"No — No. I cannot rest until they — they are 
written.” 

She knew that further conversation would be 
harmful to him so went to her room for her 
writing material, came back in a few minutes, 
sat down on a stool near the bed and opened her 
writing case. 

"Take the addresses — there are three. Write 
— the letters much the same.” 

The pen scratched away in the quiet room. 
Susie understood quickly and before she had 
finished the letter, he was asleep again. 

Three neatly written letters and addressed 
envelopes lay before her. The first was to his 
mother, second for a Miss Sylvia Nichols. So 
he must be an unmarried man and this Miss 
Nichols probably his fiancee. His home must be 
in Wisconsin at least that was his mother’s ad- 
dress, but he was working somewhere near New- 
ark or Columbus for the third letter read thus — 


When He Found Himself 


35 


I. L. Eckstein, 

Columbus Oil Co. (Supply Store), 

Newark, Ohio. 

Dear Eckstein: 

Was going through Samsoun when my machine turned 
turtle. I am just now in a certain Harrington home. Am pretty 
much bandaged. Will write more later. Put Harsha on my 
work. 

Sincerely, 

Guy Fuller. 


He was connected with the oil company in 
some way. She turned the light low and nestled 
in the chair again and slept. 

It was early in the morning when she awoke. 
Everything in nature was stirring and the boy 
next door was calling the cows. Susie leaned 
forward and watched him go down the lane. All 
out doors seemed glad to be alive. She arose, 
listened to the breathing of her patient. It 
seemed regular and his pulse was more nearly 
normal. 

She stole across the hall and knocked lightly 
on Mrs. Harrington^s door. When she entered, 
the mother was sitting in a low chair before an 
easel. She laid her brush aside as Susie came 
nearer and pulled the girl down to her. It was 
always this way — a motherly kiss at night, a 
sweet welcome in the morning. 

Susie talked of the night^s happenings and of 
the letters. Mrs. Harrington was much pleased 


36 


When He Found Himself 


and felt easier, and they planned for the next few 
days, until the boy next door, drove the cows 
back down the lane. 

The little teacher watched him. He was in- 
teresting to her for he was having trouble. Any- 
one in trouble appealed to her. Her heart went 
out to them. The sorrow of an older person 
caused by business worry or loss of health, — 
childhood trouble or again, the grief that youth 
often suffers, the greatest sorrow of all, the 
kind that tears the heart, torturing one’s mind 
Vvdth an ever-burning fervor, causing a continual 
unrest, a longing through which the lover strug- 
gles on — all such suffering touched her heart. 

“And have I,” she asked herself, “ever really 
suffered and endured the real pangs of heart- 
ache as that boy has? Will I ever?” 

Her thots rushed on — “Yes, if a person loves 
and loves hard enough, grasping the hand of his 
All-Powerful Father, he will walk with a dim 
uncertainty until in the near future, if faith is 
strong enough, the Father reaches out and grasps 
the hand of the soul-mate and joins them. Then 
leads them on, hand in hand to a beautiful future. 
Not all pleasure, but toil and sorrow, again in- 
termingled, and the soul-mate never fears, never 
loses faith or courage.” 


When He Found Himself 


37 


While Susie stood gazing and dreaming thus, 
Mrs. Harrington went on painting. She knew 
the girl was in deep thot and understood that 
such moments are the times when one’s soul 
grows and stretches out, — when the dreamer 
drifts away from all external things for a few 
minutes to a realm of idealism where things too 
sacred for vocal utterance are talked over with 
one’s innerself. 

Presently she returned to the sick-room. 
‘Wes,” she said softly as she crossed the hall and 
stood watching the pale, haggard face, “those 
things are life. Life is experience. My expe- 
rience seems so trival.” Then she scolded her- 
self for being such an idle dreamer, when a hu- 
man life so close to her was in danger, whose 
care was entrusted to her for a while. 

* * * 

The day was a busy one, for the household. 
The patient slept most of the time, rousing only 
for medicine and nourishment and toward eve- 
ning dropped in a feverish stupor with rising 
temperature. Katie especially was kept in an 
unusual bustle, many times making her weary 
feet climb the stairs always to do or bring some- 


38 


When He Found Himself 


thing for Susie. That evening Mr3. Harrington 
chided her gently, ''You will overtax your 
strength and be sick yourself, Katie, and you 
know much as we all would love to care for you, 
we do not want you to be sick.” 

"Shure, and I never was after bein' so busy 
since the time the triplets were born. Don't you 
be rememberin' how between us both, we cared 
for them, night and day. Of course there wasn't 
any dollars and cents in the pay but wasn't Mrs. 
Blessing's good will enough and to look at those 
blessed little babies and wasn't it just today that 
they was a bringin' us a whole plate of warm 
biscuits and a runnin’ up town for me on er- 
rints? Then to hear 'em all three a callin' you 
Aunt Flora and each one a huggin' and a kissin' 
me goodby. It's a reward that can’t be beat. 
And I'm one of 'em that has sense enough to 
know that, that girl upstairs would do jest as 
much and more for me. So you jest rest easy 
about this here old bit of humanity,” and she laid 
a warm hand on Mrs. Harrington’s arm and with 
a toss of her head was off to the kitchen. 

"If there were only more such true faithful 
warm-hearted souls in this world, the kind that 
hate the wrong and serve others with only the 
thot of having made some heart lighter, and 
some life brighter, and self-righteousness as a 


When He Found Himself 


39 


reward,” Mrs. Harrington sighed as she sat in 
front of her easel, trying to put the finishing 
touches on one ear of the large dog she was 
painting, but gave up in despair and went to meet 
Mr. Harrington. A real artist can work only 
when in the mood — with her this was not a time 
for painting. 


CHAPTER FOUR 


Live, love and grow, 

Reach out to all the good you meet. 
Have faith in man. 

Make your heaven now, and live in it. 


Sunday morning came clear and cloudless. 
It was a sweet, peaceful sunshine that fell upon 
this village. The children laughing and skipping 
went through the vale, across the brook and 
climbed the sloping hill to the little church, while 
parents and grandparents followed leisurely, dis- 
cussing the accident. Some claiming Susie must 
know him, others holding it, the most mysterious 
of all happenings — all praising her kindness and 
bravery and as they entered this little sacred 
place of worship where humble souls commune 
with God in a beautiful way, a way as modest 
as the setting of the place, many a heart asked 
that the mangled form brought so suddenly in 
their midst, might be saved. 

What happened that day Guy Fuller never 
remembered, for toward noon his fever rose and 
in the brief waking spaces he was too sick to 
care what was going on. Doctor Paulding shook 
( 40 ) 


When He Found Himself 


41 


his head slowly as he stood bv the bedside a little 
past noon. 

Going down the stairs he sent Katie to take 
Susie's place. When Susie entered the room he 
motioned her and Mrs. Harrington to be seated. 
He paced the floor silently for a few minutes then 
turned abruptly and faced them. “Tell me all 
you know about him/’ and he motioned to the 
room above. Dr. Paulding was always uncere- 
monious when deeply worried. Susie told the 
night’s experience and about the letters. 

“He is able to afford a trained nurse and 
shall have one. He must have skilled attention.” 
Paulding spoke decidedly and began pacing the 
floor again. Neither woman dared break the 
silence. Then as if afraid of hurting Susie’s 
feelings, continued, “ You have done fine but 
you can’t play nurse and teacher too, little girl,” 
then tenderly, “You are tired now, two more 
days of such rigid watching and you won’t teach 
the rest of the week.” 

To Mrs. Harrington he said, “A nurse will 
take away all responsibility and make less work 
for you. Besides, that poor man needs every 
mite of care, human hands can give him.” 

As the Doctor walked slowly up the street, 
Jake Crex shambled down to meet him. Hat 


42 


When He Found Himself 


pushed back from his forehead and both hands 
in his pockets. “Well Doc, how’s the sick man?” 

“Doing as well as could be expected.” 

“Is he a goin’ to git well?” 

“Of course, haven’t you any more faith in 
me than that?” 

“Well, he ain’t a goin’ to die then?” 

“It is not my business to let people die, if I 
can possibly help it,” Paulding answered im- 
patiently, and evading a direct answer for it was 
one of his rules never to discuss the condition of 
his patients not even with his wife. 

“Well Sir, a man can be almost dead, yit git 
well. Now one time when I had some sort o’ 
fever, I was clear dead, almost and I got over it. 
I was even turnin’ blue. Say Doc, is that little 
teacher a nursin’?” 

The Doctor nodded. 

“Well no wonder he’s a gittin’ along then, for 
if she can nurse like she can teach! Gad, I 
would like to be sick myself and have a nurse 
like her.” 

By this time they were near the office. 

“Do wish though Doc, there was something 
I could do to help along.” 

* * * * 

Monday afternoon when the 3:05 slowed up 
at Summit Station a slender, trim figure carry- 


When He Found Himself 


43 


ing a neat black bag alighted on the platform. 
Dr. Paulding had insisted on meeting the nurse, 
and nestled in the roomy Jackson, beside the 
Doctor, as they sped to Samsoun, Miss Porter 
heard the story of the accident, and the condi- 
tion of the patient. So just an hour later when, 
garbed in her immaculate, white uniform, she 
stood in the hall ready to enter the room, she 
felt and looked ready for duty. 

Katie had viewed her from all sides when she 
entered the house, and by the time she had 
donned her uniform, Katie had formed her 
opinion. 

''A bit too slender, but a heap of kindness in 
that voice and them eyes.” 

The next morning the need of skilled assist- 
ance was evident, and by evening the struggle 
for Guy Fuller's life began in earnest. 

The story of his condition spread from house 
to house. The villagers sat in groups on verandas 
and talked it over. On Tuesday evening the 
stores were closed so the men joined the respec- 
tive circles and leaning back in their chairs gave 
their opinions as the opportunity afforded. 

A stranger wandering through the streets 
would find himself in the midst of quiet, rolling 
scenery, — a little world, the bright stars shining 
directly on it with no towering dark buildings 


44 


When He Found Himself 


to interrupt their soft light. The pure mellow air 
fragrant with peppermint bruised by browsing 
cattle — the country stillness broken from 
monotony by the call of wandering birds, the 
fresh sweet laughter of the playing children and 
an occasional telephoning of distant dogs. A 
little world given by God — little homes made here 
by God-loving people — here hearts and souls liv- 
ing, not merely existing. Far away from the sin 
stricken man-made-world, yet reminded of it by 
the faint sounding whistles of its trains and fac- 
tories. A community rich in its expression of 
sweet human character and life. 

An air of comfort hovers over all. People 
work for each other, sharing and suffering, sor- 
row and sunshine alike. It is an old-fashioned 
village with righteousness and brotherly love 
written on the arms of the guide post, making 
rich and poor on equal footing. A man’s aims 
and ideals decide his ranking, not his dollars 
and ancestors. For here his dollars may be few, 
his ancestors unknown or better to be forgotten, 
yet if a man tries to rise above these, the com- 
munity helps him. 

In the front room upstairs of the Harrington 
home, the light from a shaded lamp exposed a 
restless form. 

The nurse’s sleeves were turned back, her 


When He Found Himself 


45 


quick hands worked incessantly. But Guy cared 
little for skilled hands. In his delirium he 
begged for the ''Good Fairy.’’ At first Miss 
Porter paid little heed, then as his pleading grew 
stronger, she asked, "Where can I find your 
Good Fairy?” 

"She will come presently to bring me water. 
She rests me so. Go call her — go I say — go !” 

Miss Porter moved from the bedside. 

"I want her,” he moaned. "Bring her quick. 
Bring her!” 

"How shall I call her?” wondering whom he 
could mean. 

"Listen,” he whispered, "listen, call her 'Just 
Susie,’ No more. She will come. Call her — call 
her at once. She’ll know, she’ll come. But don’t 
forget to say, 'Just Susie.’ She told me so — ” 
and his weary voice muttered on. 

She knew the doctor had ordered Susie to bed 
at eight. It was 9:30, she hated to disturb her. 
Yet his pleading was raising his temperature. It 
would soon reach hyperprexia. So she ran 
across the hall and gently shook Susie. "He is 
calling for you. You will have to come.” 

Susie half awake slipped into some kind of a 
dainty blue kimona. When she reached the bed 
a smile formed on his lips and he tried to grasp 
her hand. 


46 


When He Found Himself 


^^Ah, my Good Fairy, I knew you would 
come. I didn’t dare call Sylvia. She would 
faint at the sight of blood. Ha, ha!” And he 
laughed scornfully. “You wouldn’t faint. But 
don’t tell Sylvia for she loves me. If she comes 
don’t let her see my head. She can’t see my 
heart, thank goodness! It is all eaten through 
and through, worm eaten and — ^bring me water, 
Good Fairy.” 

When the water touched his hot lips, he 
sighed. Susie bathed his face and sat by his side 
stroking his hand. Her very presence seemed 
to soothe him. After a while he asked brokenly, 
“Do you think Sylvia will come?” 

“Do you want her? She will if you want 
her.” 

“Can you bring her, Good Fairy? No, she 
will not want to even look at me. I look so hor- 
rid,” and he clutched angrily at his forehead. 
Susie caught his hand just in time. “If these 
smooth, white tricky bands keep her from loving 
me, I’ll tear them. They are just like her. Quiet, 
holding me so tight, making me keep still.” 

Susie sighed heavily. What was this strange 
experience she was having, this strange happen- 
ing, that through her impulsive self, she had 
brought to this home? Just a few days before 
she had been so happy. Ndw she felt she had 


When He Found Himself 


47 


brought a great care and tonight tired and wor- 
ried, it loomed over her like a big cloud. Two 
big tears rolled down her cheeks. She blinked 
hard to keep them back. 

Then came wearily — ''Susie, tell me, should 
I love Sylvia — tell me truly, should I?’' 

"Yes,’’ falteringly. 

"When my heart’s all bad should I marry 
Sylvia — she doesn’t know about, — about Flor- 
ence. Should I tell her ? Poor Flo and the little 
child — I’ve got to, that’s all.” 

Susie sat up straight. Who could Florence 
be ? Why didn’t he want to tell Sylvia about her ? 
She was sure now that he was engaged to her. 

All through the night Guy pleaded and suf- 
fered unwilling for Susie to leave until between 
three and four, he fell into a troubled sleep, and 
Susie, weary with watching, let Miss Porter take 
her place. 

The next morning Susie, on her way to school 
stopped to converse with Dr. Paulding. As they 
were talking, a livery carriage stopped and the 
driver inquired the way to Max Harrington's 
home. 

"You have passed the place. Second house 
below the blacksmith shop,*^ the Doctor re- 
sponded. 


48 


When He Found Himself 


Beside the driver there was only one occupant, 
a young lady, sitting dignifiedly on the back seat, 
one foot resting on a suitcase and her chin tilted 
haughtily. 

^ ^ ^ ^ 

^^Is this the Harrington home?” the strange 
lady asked, as Katie put in her appearance at the 
front door. 

^Wes’m.” 

''May I see Mrs. Harrington, or is this she?” 

"No’m this is not she and if it’s an agent yer 
after a bein’ you jest move on. With a sick man 
upstairs and me poor hand all burnt we ain’t in 
no humor to humor nobody.” 

"You are one of the servants, I presume.” 

"No, I hain’t after a bein’ one of the servants, 
I am all of them and none of them either — we 
all live in this place and work for each other. — 
Anything you’d like to hav’ us do fer you.” 

"I came to see — that is to help care for Mr. 
Fuller,” the lady hesitated rather embarrassed 
by Katie’s reproof, then haughtily, "tell Mrs. 
Harrington, I wish to see her,” and she handed 
Katie her card. 

"Well, I reckon you’d better step in,” and she 
ushered her into the front room. 

"Miss Sylvia Nichols,” Katie muttered as she 
climbed the stairs. "Pretty help she’ll be — 


When He Found Himself 49 

needn't anchor herself around here. Laws me 
those snaky white hands couldn't shake a pil- 
low," and Katie shrugged her shoulders. 

While Katie climbed the stairs the three 
Sisters of Fate swayed their tottering bodies in 
the far corner of the sick room. Spinning, twist- 
ing and anxious to sever the slender fiber that 
held Guy Fuller's life. The nurse with firm set 
lips determined to hold that slender thread, called 
Katie as she reached the upper hall. 'Thone 
for Doctor," she ordered and Katie turned, 
dropped Miss Nichols' card and hastily de- 
scended the stairs. 

Nurse and Doctor worked silently. The 
strange lady downstairs was forgotten. Guy 
Fuller lay straight and still. Not even a sigh 
escaped his lips. Dr. Paulding turned pale. He 
pulled off his coat, flung it across a chair. This 
was a fight — a fight for a life. The fates spun 
faster, the spindle creaked. Their tapering fin- 
gers greedily clutched the thread. Their long 
white teeth glistened; from their corner, they 
glared at Paulding as he held the feeble hand — 
his jaws were set — his face white. The feeble 
pulse made a great fear come over him and his 
head dropped for an instance to his bosom 
while he uttered a prayer — a cry for succor to 
the Great Physician. For in this trying hour, he 

4 


50 


When He Found Himself 


felt so small and helpless. It was a pleading for 
strength and life. Nearly an hour they worked, 
side by side. Paulding moved as if guided by an 
unseen hand. He had new courage, new power. 

Mrs. Harrington and Katie waited anxiously 
out in the hall. Katie trembling and nervous 
dropped into a chair near a window and waited 
with closed eyes, tiptoeing now and then to the 
door. Sylvia Nichols tired of waiting and hear- 
ing the confusion, found the lower hall and 
climbed the stairs. At the top she found her card 
laying where Katie had dropped it. 

'The irresponsibility of some servants is dis- 
gusting,’’ she muttered, then looking up saw 
Mrs. Harrington. 

Mrs. Harrington astonished at seeing a per- 
fect stranger standing there, so assuming, could 
find no words. Both women stared at each 
other. 

"I have come to help care for him. Is 
he ?” 

"The older woman placed her fingers on her 
lips. This is the hour. In a few minutes we 
shall know. The Doctor has been doing all he 
can we .” 

"This hour? and he has been struggling for 
life, and I have been waiting in the room below 
an hour — a whole hour! Waiting to see him. 


When He Found Himself 


51 


and while I sat there he might have died. Why 
didn’t you let me know ?” Her face colored alter- 
nately, red and white, she trem.bled from head to 
foot. Her dark, bead-like eyes shone. 

“I didn’t know you were here .” 

“It is all her fault,” she cried pointing to 
Katie. “I gave her my card. Here I found it 
on the floor. What reason has she to ” 

“Oh, you mean, Katie? She intended no 
harm — no offense. You must overlook such a 
trivial matter for we are all doing everything in 
our power ” 

“Trivial indeed to me! The woman he loves, 
when you are perfect strangers to him,” and she 
strode haughtily past Mrs. Harrington. 

The latter caught her arm. “You must not 
go in now, your presence might mean his death.” 

Sylvia turned and loosened the hold. Just 
then Miss Porter opened the door. Paulding 
recognized her as the lady in the carriage. She 
stepped inside the door. He motioned her to be 
silent and remain where she was. 

The golden September sun came out from be- 
hind its cloud, the sunlight streamed through the 
window. A beam danced on the bed and one ray 
shot to the far corner of the room to where the 
Fates were spinning. The same sunlight fell on 
Cupid perched on the outer edge of the window- 


52 


When He Found Himself 


sill. The Fates hating the light snatched their 
spinning and fled. Cupid lifted his lyre and the 
sweet notes of love and desire drifted to Guy 
Fuller, coaxing him back to life. 

The Doctor sitting by the bed, the nurse 
standing by the head, Sylvia Nichols just inside 
the door, Mrs. Harrington and Katie in the door- 
way silently watching, heard the dull buzzing of 
a bee against the screen, a bob-white in the or- 
chard across the road, the blue-jays twitter, some 
swallows warbling and a robin call, ''Live, live, 
’tis sweet, ’tis sweet,” — all blended in one har- 
monious chorus, while unseen, unknown to them 
Cupid played his soft notes over and over. 

Paulding leaned forward, took the feeble 
pulse, bowed his head for a moment as he had 
done almost an hour ago — this time he breathed 
a prayer of thanks. Then he rose and beckoned 
them, all but Miss Porter, out of the room. 

"The crisis is passed. He will live.” He 
could say no more nor wanted to talk to no one. 

Cupid, his mission over, spread his white 
wings, flew above the village and turning, shot 
a quivering arrow and smiling flew to rest. 

That evening Mrs. Harrington painted a pic- 
ture with words, of the morning’s happenings 
for Mr. Harrington and Susie. 


When He Found Himself 


53 


'‘How did you influence Miss Nichols to go to 
the hotel or was it Katie who had her say?” Mr. 
Harrington asked. 

“I told her we coudn't possibly accommo- 
date her and I knew Katie would soon be on the 
war path. For some reason or other Miss 
Nichols did not strike her fancy. Katie is queer 
in that respect. She forms her opinions at the 
first appearance.” 

“Yes, and it is almost always correct.” 

“But at first she didn’t like me,” put in Susie. 

“She always liked you,” Mr. Harrington said 
kindly, “but didn’t like your coming into our 
household. She was afraid it would break our 
peaceful home.” 

“And so it has,” Susie dropped her head like 
a penitent child, tears came to her eyes. 

Mrs. Harrington quickly knelt beside her. 
“Susie, you have not disturbed our peace. You 
have brought many things to us. We shall all 
look back to this experience as one of the happiest 
of our lives. Just think we have all had a share 
in saving this life.” 

Her arms slipped around the girl, — neither 
spoke. All the worry and heartache of the past 
week rolled away in the tears. Mrs. Harrington 
knew the strain had been too much for Susie. 
In a few minutes she would be herself again. 


54 


When He Found Himself 


Mr. Harrington broke the silence, “Susie, we 
all respect you for being so brave. Everyone is 
praising you. Who knows what these happen- 
ings may bring to us 

“It doesn’t seem as if there could be anything 
good,” wiping the tears away. 

“Yes, but don’t you know, we must all be 
fatalists to some extent,” Mother consoled. 
“Often we can’t understand why things happen 
so but don’t you know it always comes right in 
the end. There is always the unseen hand guid- 
ing us. What is to be will be. If you were not 
the one to be instrumental in bringing Mr. Ful- 
ler to our home, he would have been brought 
here some other way. It is for some good.” 

“Oh, I hope so. Mother.” 

Katie on her way to the land of dreams 
stopped for a few minutes talk. 

“Come and take this easy chair, Katie,” Mr. 
Harrington pulled it up to the family circle. 
“You are tired, aren’t you?” 

“Begorrie and I am. Tired and nervous. 
I’m after bein’. But now I can rest aisy since 
we got the nurse. How long will that fine lady 
be after a stayin’ around here?” 

“You mean Miss Nichols? She didn’t say. 
Probably until Mr. Fuller is well,” Mrs. Har- 
rington tried to keep back a smile. 


When He Found Himself 


55 


“Be jabers! What help can she be after a 
givin’. Was jest this noon, I heard her wonderin'* 
if his heart was good. So I speakes up and says, 
‘shure if he can keep it himself, it is good\ And 
I didn't stop to say more for I felt meself a gittin' 
hot." 

“Well this is surely a strange town where 
strange people come and go," exclaimed Susie. 

Katie turned quickly, “Tis the truth you are 
spakin'." 

“An ideal town isn't it ?" added Mr. Harring- 
ton. 

“To me it seems that way and I hope time will 
not shatter my ideal. Oh, the tranquillity here — 
the fraternity, makes one feel glad to be alive, 
makes one just want to live. Everyone seems to 
be so happy. It is an ideal place to teach." 

“Doctor Mills always said, that if he had a 
family of boys he would want to raise them in 
Samsoun," Mrs. Harrington related. 

“So far from worldly vices, it does seem a 
child would have perfect environment. Last 
evening when I was trying to quiet Mr. Fuller 
in his delirium he was muttering all sorts of 
foolish things, when suddenly he asked — 
‘Where am I?' — . When I told him he was in 
such a nice little town he said — ‘A sanctimonious 
place?' — and would not rest until I said ‘Yes'. 


56 


When He Found Himself 


Then he laughed scornfully and cried — ‘Oh, yes 
so sanctimonious, the roosters don't crow on 
Sunday'. It was of course a delirious remark 
but so odd it has haunted me all day." 

Katie sat straight during all this, “Is he after 
a knowin' anyone here?" 

“No. If he does somebody here would have 
to know him and no one claims acquaintance," 
Daddy declared. 

“Why Katie?" from Susie. 

“Well the roosters may be sanctimonious, but 
some of the people are not! You never see the 
roosters after a carryin' two faces around with 
'em like some of these human critters. But if you 
had your ear to the ground and your eye open 
as old Katie has, you'd be after a knowin' that 
these here human deceivers that carry the two 
faces are the ones that crow the loudest on Sun- 
day." 

Susie had been reclining lazily in her chair 
but at this sat erect. She looked from one to the 
other. Katie's very manner spelled mystery. 
Mrs. Harrington's tatting slipped from her 
hands. She started to speak but Katie hurried 
on. 

“Shure mum, it sounds out of the reason, but 
remember old Katie never says much. She has 
been after havin' one eye open and one ear to the 


When He Found Himself 


57 


ground and from what Fve been bearin' and 
seein' Samsoun has yellow lights that are not a 
mite dimmer than the evil lights of a great city." 

Mrs. Harrington grasped the arms of the 
chair. '‘Do you mean, some one in our own little 
village. Surely we have no such characters !" 

Katie's form straightened. 

“I don't mean Katie that I don't believe you. 
It just seems — so — so awful and comes so sud- 
denly." 

"It's been several years sjnce I've been sus- 
pectin' but less than a year since I've known for 
sure." 

Then noiselessly and unannounced Dr. Pauld- 
ing entered. "Pardon me for disturbing you. It 
looks as if you might be having a secret session. 
What is the pass word?" 

His presence dispelled their gloomy thots. 
but Susie remembered Katie's advice, to keep 
an eye open and an ear to the ground. 


CHAPTER FIVE 


We are all children going to school, but we’ve lost our text- 
books and forgot the rules. 

September slipped away and bright October 
days came. Samsoun forgot the strangeness of 
the accident and accepted Guy and Miss Nichols 
as a part of its family. Sylvia bore the quiet- 
ness and dullness of the place patiently spend- 
ing most of her time with Guy who improved 
very slowly. 

One afternoon the school children flocked 
down the village streets — some running and 
shouting — some riding bicycles. The older boys 
and girls walked more slowly, carrying books 
and tennis rackets, while the primary children 
toddled along, all contented that their work for 
the day was over. 

As they passed the Harrington home, a few 
called to Guy, who was sitting on the porch in a 
big chair, propped by many pillows. He had 
learned their names from Susie and some of 
them often stopped a few minutes. They were 
becoming fast friends. 


( 58 ) 


When He Found Himself 


59 


Sylvia sat in the swing embroidering. Miss 
Porter came out with some lemonade and med- 
icine. 

''How many this time, nursie?'' Guy cried 
gaily. 

"Two, and see what pretty colors.^’ 

"Ah, you are not one bit patriotic. You 
should bring me, red, white, and blue.” 

"I will tomorrow.” 

"Sure?” 

"Fll swear allegiance.” 

After Miss Porter left, Sylvia brought a stool 
and sat nearer Guy. Both were silent for some- 
time, then "A penny for your thots,” Sylvia said. 

"Two billion couldn’t buy them but Fll 
whisper them to you.” 

Sylvia waited, her arm resting on his knee. 

"A home — a cozy home and a little rosy 
cheeked, bright eyed boy coming home from 
school, lisping his first lesson — telling about his 
wonderful teacher” — and his eyes dreamily fol- 
lowed a little boy down the street — "A little light 
haired boy with big blue eyes.” 

Sylvia blushed guiltily for a year ago Guy 
had wanted to build a little home but she objected. 
She wanted to wait a few years until they could 
have a larger, better furnished house, and, 
children — well they made her nervous. 


60 


When He Found Himself 


She stared into the distance afraid to speak, 
lest her own words might mock her. 

Tripping down the street came Susie, dressed 
in a white waist, low at the neck and a pink and 
white sport skirt. Over one arm a gray sweater 
dangled, the other was loaded with books. The 
clear, pinkish tint of her cheeks hinted of her 
athletic nature, and her well developed body 
gave her a magnetic personality. The breezes 
had played with her hair until her face was half 
hid by the mischievous curls. 

Now', Sylvia would have given a thousand 
pennies never to have known Guy’s thots, so 
Susie’s coming gave her a chance to change the 
subject. Sitting erect, she ventured — “Rather 
a plain girl.” 

Guy scarcely heard. Stunned by no response 
from her, w^hen he told her his dreams, he re- 
mained silent. 

Shrugging her shoulders she continued, 
“This place is just the setting for that sort of 
girl. Here, where she is thrown among people 
who have little social ability, her talents are 
shown to advantage. Her simple charms please. 
But in a city’s social whirl she would be too quiet, 
too unassuming. Yes, the setting is perfect 
the .” 


When He Found Himself 


61 


^'The real fault with too many of us,” Guy 
interrupted, “is, that we have no setting, no place 
where we can cease our wanderings and feel that 
we are wanted and are doing good. We do not 
find the place where we actually fit.” 

“Susie, Susie — what is her last name? It is 
rather a queer name,” Sylvia pretended not to 
notice the irony in his voice. 

“Just Susie,” he muttered. And as she turned 
and came up the walk toward them, he smiled as 
he thot, emerald, diamonds, pearls, all precious 
stones require modest settings or their beauty is 
lost in the carved artificial work of man. Aloud 
he said, “Truant you've been playing on the way 
home from school or else teacher kept you in.” 

“District Superintendent,” she pouted, toss- 
ing back her curls. 

Sylvia was very dignified in Susie's presence, 
while the little teacher, now as always delight- 
fully free and restful, dropped into the swing. 

“How is our patient this evening? Just think 
you are a lucky person to have a whole house to 
look after you — Miss Porter, father, mother. 
Miss Nichols, Katie and .” 

“Sister Susie,” he rejoined laughing. “Really 
I think you should be a nurse, wouldn't you like 
it as a profession?” 


62 


When He Found Himself 


“Yes and no. I love to help any suffering 
person but as for making it my profession, I 
don’t believe so.” 

“How about being a Red Cross nurse?” 
Sylvia ventured. “If you had sufficient training, 
would you offer your service? Now is a fine 
chance for a girl to win her laurels.” 

“That is a hard question to answer. If I had 
the training, I probably would. But there is 
other work for me here. Now as never before 
our boys and girls need training. We need ca- 
pable girls to go into business to take the places 
of the young men who will be called. Teachers 
are needed who can give the right kind of train- 
ing to the generation now growing. We must 
turn our educational system inside out and fit the 
system to the generation, not the generation to 
the system. We ought to have compulsory phys- 
ical culture, of the real kind. Not merely clap- 
ping the hands together and standing on tiptoes.” 

“Do you think we here in our country, will 
ever feel this war much?” Sylvia asked. 

“That is just the problem we are facing. 
Pleasure seeking people in pleasure seeking cities 
cry for amusements, they don’t want to listen to 
the needs of the war sufferers because they don’t 
realize them. They don’t want to worry their 
minds about such dreadful things.” 


When He Found Himself 


63 


''Do you think that is true of smaller towns 
and villages, such as this?’' Guy questioned. 

"No, I know it isn’t.” 

"Why? What is the difference?” Sylvia was 
becoming seemingly interested. 

"Because in such a place as this,” Susie con- 
tinued with a sweeping motion of her hand, 
"everyone is interested in everybody else. Rev- 
erend Kerns-Preston teaches brotherly love and 
practices it. So does all the community. Here 
if one man is ill or is in need, every family is 
deeply concerned and whether it be a helping 
hand, provisions or money, they do their bit. 
And they realize that the sufferer miles away 
needs their help the same as the neighbor at home. 
There is also another lesson we are being 
taught.” Guy leaned forward and she went on. 

"That is economy. Economy in dress and 
food. Especially the latter. Miss Lewis says 
it has been so hard to make the average house- 
wife understand why when she is in reach of 
plenty, she must cook just enough for her family 
and not have any left for the garbage can, or 
why she must use substitutes. It is the families 
who have been having six or seven different 
forms of foods for one meal, that are the hard- 
est to work with. But our country is awaken- 


64 


When He Found Himself 


ing and when once wide-awake, we will do won- 
ders/’ 

''But the wealthier families will not feel these 
conditions as the poorer people,” Sylvia argued, 

"That is just it,” Susie emphasized. "People 
in moderate circumstances are used to economiz- 
ing especially in large families. It is that class 
of people who have never known what it is to 
want for anything, they can not understand. It 
is the fault of their home training. As a result 
we have butterfly girls and dudish young men, 
self-centered, forming the cream of oiir so-called 
high society. People, supposed to represent the 
best of our country — soulless, seeking frivolous 
entertainments, hating the lowly walks of life, 
considering them dull and beneath them.” 

"Those conditions may seem to exist but when 
really known, they are not so.” Sylvia was anx- 
ious to defend society. "In society we have the 
men and women of intellect.” 

"I wonder,” pleaded Susie sweetly, "how 
many of our painters, writers and noted states- 
men had their childish lives spoiled by some 
society mother. I believe we find them in the 
country and rural towns.” And giving a big 
push with a little right foot, her eyes twinkling, 
she added, "Some of those city dudes never get 


When He Found Himself 65 

beyond that high white-washed wall that is 
around their necks/’ 

Guy laughed heartily. 

''Susie/’ called Mrs. Harrington. 

"Yes, mother.” 

"Will you ask little Ralph to stop when he 
comes back. I saw him go down the street some- 
time ago.” 

"All right, mother dear.” 

In a few minutes a little boy came slowly 
around the corner dragging a stick in the dust. 

"Ralph, Mrs. Harrington wants to see you.” 

"It is the little light haired boy who went 
down about half an hour ago,” Guy remarked. 

Fie came up the walk, climbed the steps, bash- 
fully dragging the stick behind him. 

"How do you do?” Guy said tenderly. A 
big smile spread over his face and with his eyes 
downward came — "Hello.” 

"I suppose you go to school.” 

"Yes sir.” 

"How old are you?” 

"Six.” 

"You surely are a nice boy. You haven’t told 
me your name yet.” 

"Ralph Carlton Osborn,” and the blue eyes 
looked trustingly to Guy. The weight of his 


6 


66 


When He Found Himself 


body shifted to his left foot. The right foot 
rested on the left. ''Helen's only three." 

"Who is Helen?" — from Sylvia. 

"My sister. She can't read but I can," 
straightening his little body and squaring his 
shoulders. 

Susie took him by the hand into the house 
and when Ralph came out a few minutes later, 
Sylvia arose, gave Guy her hand in parting. 

"If you don't mind Ralph Carlton, I'll walk to 
the corner with you." 

The only answer was a broad grin. 

"See you in the morning," she said to Guy. 

"Not comdng this evening?" his face clouded. 

"I have the headache and it is so dark to go 
back alone." 

"If you don't feel well you must not come 
but if it is because you are afraid, why Susie will 
go back with you." 

"Well, if you wish me to." 

"Your desire is my wish." 

"I shall decide after supper. Good-bye." 

"Good-bye Sylvia," his voice trembled. Now 
when the whole world was busy and each person 
doing his part, Guy felt so helpless and a burden. 

Going down the walk Sylvia reached for 
Ralph's hand. His warm perspiring fingers lay 
in her cold lifeless ones. 


When He Found Himself 


67 


“I like little boys/’ she ventured. 

He looked up incredulously at her. 

Guy watching her wondered why she did not 
care more for children. He knew her interest in 
this child was forced, her manner showed it. 

''Do you like your teacher?” 

An emphatic nod and another grin came in 
answer. 

"Why do you like her?” 

The big eyes opened wide, "She likes me.” 

And so it is with us all. If we would only 
let a child lead us down the streets of life with 
their warm chubby fists, in our cold clammy 
hands, giving us faith, hope and love — all that is 
sweet in life. Here was the secret of living. 
And a life that has love for a little child in it, 
can not be all wrong, no matter how evil it may 
seem. 

>i( )((>)< i|c 

One bright morning several days later, Jake 
Crex, hands in his pockets, ambled down the 
street. He rolled his dark eyes trying to appear 
unconcerned. Guy saw him coming and was 
glad when he came up the Harrington walk. 

"How d’ye do?” Offering a grimy hand. 
"I’ve heard so much about you and thdt maybe 
you’d like a little company.” 


68 


When He Found Himself 


“Yes. I’m surely glad you came. Draw that 
easy chair closer. Fm sorry I can't be more 
hospitable." 

“Now that’s all right," and he pushed his hat 
back and took the easy chair. “Been bothered 
much with the women?" 

“No, not to a great extent," Guy laughed. 

“Well, you will be. Some of them are so 
fussy and silly. They’ll want to know your 
history from A to Z. Don’t you tell them 
though," Jake advised. “Now by the way ain’t 
that just like me cornin’ down here and never 
tellin’ you my name. My name’s Jerry Crex. 
Folks here call me Jake. Tain’t my name at all. 
But seems how when one thing gets started, it’s 
a go. 

“I recognized you when you first came down 
the walk. Susie speaks of you often," and then 
Guy bit his tongue. 

“By gad ! Does she ? Say she’s a woman for 
you. Not one of these silly fussy kind. She’s 
got some horse sense." 

“She is surely a fine girl, I wish she were my 
sister," Guy said. 

“Sister! Feller you ought to say sweet-heart 
or wife. By jollys she’d be just right for you. 
She’s a woman I say. She is different. She 
don’t look as if she was one of them kind that 


When He Found Himself 


69 


comes in boxes by the dozen. She can teach too. 
Where is your home, in Columbus?’' 

“No. Marietta.” Guy wanted Jake to do the 
talking so he encouraged him. “Have you always 
lived here?” 

Jake shifted himself in the chair. “Well you 
see I worked in Columbus for several years then 
took a trip down the Ohio and up to St. Louis.” 

“What did you do in Columbus?” 

“Well sir, I was in there overseeing my 
daughter’s house — was working on it, when down 
the street pell mell came a mad-dog followed by 
three or four policemen. They were all shoot- 
ing at the dog but the bullets went wild. I pulled 
out my revolver, I always carried with me, shot 
once and killed him. After that they wanted 
me on the police force. Well I went on, stayed 
there for about a year. One night they sent me 
to get a man and woman who had taken some 
money. I got in their house, stood behind the 
heavy curtains at the bay window and when they 
came home and sat down to supper, they talked 
it all over. I just stepped out and took them in. 
After that I quit the police business, for I didn’t 
like breaking into people’s houses. So I came 
back here.” 

“To anyone that likes a quiet life, I should 
think police work would be too exciting.” 


70 


When He Found Himself 


'Well sir. It weren’t my work. And I knew 
it right along. The main thing in life, young 
man, is finding out what you really want to do 
and then stick to it.” 

Guy nodded. "We can’t all be artists or 
great people but each of us have some special 
work to do. I believe certain people are born to 
accomplish certain things.” 

Old Jake looked up. "Do you know Jimmie 
Cleveland that young feller who comes down 
here occasionally to visit?” 

"No.” 

"Now he is one of them there cartoonists. 
And he can draw anything. It’s just born in 
him. By jollys, he sat up there in that store one 
afternoon and drew me to the T’.” 

"Does he sell any of his productions?” 

"Any what, young man?” 

"Any of his work?” 

"Well, I couldn’t say as to that. You see I 
am just a little hard o’ bearin’, ” pointing to his 
right ear. "But as I was saying, I came back 
here from Columbus and found my work. And 
anyone who finds out what he really wants to do 
and then sticks to it is an artist.” 

Guy was surprised to hear such logic from 
this man, whom everyone described as queer and 
fabulous. Neither spoke for a while then Guy 


When He Found Himself 


71 


ventured, '‘Did you say you had made a trip 
down the Ohio,’' — hoping to draw him back to his 
yarns. 

“Yes, I forgot. I was goin’ to tell you all 
about that 

Miss Porter came out just then and Guy in- 
terrupted him. “Miss Porter, let me introduce 
Mr. Crex.” 

Jake, hat in hand made a sweeping bow. His 
eyes rolled and he talked excitedly — “Glad to 
meet you. Very glad to know you.” Then to 
Guy, “I must be goin’. Take good care of your- 
self,” and with a quick glance at Miss Porter, he 
started off. 

“Come again,” Guy called after him. “You 
must finish telling me about your trip.” 

“I will. Say,” stopping quickly, “do you likf 
to read? Pve got loads of books.” 

“I can’t read yet. My eyes are still very 
weak and sore from the cut on my forehead. 
But ril enjoy looking over them.” 

“By George, I’ve got lots of pictures of these 
here great men and women. I’ll bring those 
down.” 

“All right.” And Jake was gone. 


CHAPTER SIX 


Have you ever walked in the evening when all the world 
was at peace and felt how you belong to this world and yet how 
much of this world belongs to you? 

The evenings were so chilly now, that often 
near an open fireplace with its cheery light, was 
a tempting place to linger. One such an evening, 
Sylvia sat in her room trying to write, dis- 
couraged at the attempt, she tried to read but 
was too restless. 

'This is getting monotonous,” she murmured, 
‘T shan't stand it any longer. If Guy insists on 
staying in this forsaken place, when he could 
be taken to Columbus, I am going home. I re- 
fuse to lay aside my pleasure and social duties, 
just to satisfy such a foolish whim.” 

So the following morning she told Guy of 
her decision. 'T will go home and return later 
if you are still here.” 

'T probably shall be, for Mrs. Harrington 
insists that I remain, until I am well, and the in- 
vitation is so cordial, I have accepted. It is a 
change from the city and I like it. Besides, one 
doesn't readily find such friends as here.” 

( 72 ) 


When He Found Himself 


73 


There was a gentle knock and Mrs. Harring- 
ton entered. “Pardon me for interrupting you. 
I shan’t stay long,” she laughed teasingly. “Mrs. 
Van Dyke sent you this lovely bouquet of nastur- 
tiums. The last of the season.” 

“Yes, how beautiful! Isn’t she just a won- 
derful person. She is a woman who lives her 
religion,” Guy declared solemnly. 

“To her there is no one so evil but what has 
some good in them,” affirmed Mrs. Harrington, 
arranging the flowers. 

“Mr. Van Dyke is quite the opposite in 
many respects. Susie tells me, some do not like 
him because of his candid ways., but I enjoy his 
visits. He says what he thinks. And after all 
that is what counts. He tells anyone in his rough 
way how things appear to him. In life you find 
everytime, that type of man, rough and out- 
spoken, has a heart of gold hidden away under 
a rugged exterior, and he is your friend. Mr. 
Van Dyke is a man of the western type, but give 
him to me everytime in preference to these oily 
tongued, two-faced duft’ers, who live so strictly 
to Sunday School rule. They go to church twice 
every Sunday and once in between, pray and sing 
to save their own souls then through the week 
they shun certain people in the vicinity because 
they have a rather daring reputation. You find 


74 


When He Found Himself 


them in every place you go but mostly in the 
village or country. You have them here. I have 
met some of them splendid examples/^ Guy 
laughed scornfully. 

Mrs. Harrington nodded. ^^It is a sad truth.’^ 

^‘Aren’t you quite exhausted?’’ Sylvia asked, 
giving his ear a twitch. ''Mrs. Harrington don’t 
you think he has improved sufficiently to allow 
me to return home?” 

"Oh, you aren’t going soon?” 

"This afternoon if I can.” 

"No, indeed you are not. You are going to 
take supper with us this evening. Mr. Fuller 
knows by this time that the evening meal must 
be supper instead of dinner, for Katie refuses 
to cook dinner at night.” 

"Mother,” Guy cried, "What have I done that 
you punish me by putting a handle on my name?” 

Sylvia smiled, but to herself she was thinking 
that her servants would keep their place and not 
venture their opinion so freely. 

After Mrs. Flarrington left the room, Sylvia 
arranged the flowers. 

"Please bring them here so I can smell them.” 

She carried the mass of bright color to him. 
He buried his face in them, their cool faces 
touched his own flushed cheeks. 


When He Found Himself 


75 


'‘They are so homey. Nasturtiums, always 
bring memories. Mother always had a row near 
the kitchen door. They helped her to keep ‘smil- 
ing’ she said.” 

‘T never cared for them.” Sylvia put the 
vase on the dresser. “They are so common and 
the odor is repugnant.” 

Jji H: * * 

That evening Guy explored the lower rooms 
for the first time. Tottering, yet determined, 
with Mr. Harrington steadying him, he walked 
into the dining room and sank into the cushioned 
chair. His left arm lay heavily in the sling. 
There was something pathetic in those dark, deep 
eyes that shone beneath his bandaged forehead. 

Katie watching from the door hastily brushed 
a tear from her eye. Where had she seen those 
same deep eyes and shifting of the eye-lids as he 
turned his head on one side ? 

Sylvia in her soft wine-colored gown was 
queenly. In her appearance there was everything 
a man could wish and as Guy watched her, that 
masculine pride swelled within him. She was a 
woman who would grace his home and entertain 
with ease. 

Susie had donned a fresh waist and looked 
girlish and unsophisticated as she slipped into the 
big stiff chair. 


76 


When He Found Himself 


Katie bustled in and out, her silk dress rat- 
tling as she swished pass Sylvia. That afternoon 
she had said to Mrs. Harrington. 'Tm goin’ to 
be after a wearin' me brown silk this evening — 
his old it's a gettin’ and someday 'twill be split- 
tin'." But at five when she stood before her 
mirror fastening her cameo pin in its place she 
muttered — 'Til be showin' Miss Sylvia Nichols 
whether or not it's simply a servant I'm after a 
bein'. I'd rather be a chimney sweeper in this 
here home than be maid to that sneak." 

So between the rustling of Katie's silk and 
the clinking of the daintily painted teacups the 
dinner proceeded merrily. 

The color came to Guy's pale cheeks and he 
listened eagerly while Mr. Harrington told 
stories and strange happenings of the people in 
the little village. Here was a whole story book 
of people — the two young store-keepers who were 
newlyweds, the minister who lives all alone, the 
young professor and his wife, cozy as two robins, 
old Mr. Clouse across the street who had been a 
cripple from birth. Aunt Maggie and Uncle 
Dickie next door cheerful and neighborly. Then 
down on the crest of the slope two sisters who 
had lived the greater part of their lives and now 
spent their time making beautiful laces. 


When He Found Himself 


77 


Even Sylvia laughed heartily when Susie told 
how Old Jake Crex had fallen in love with her. 
^'How is the social life here?” she ventured. 

“It’s much like that of an old English vil- 
lage,” Mrs. Harrington explained. “A house- 
wife runs in to borrow a pinch of this or return 
a cupful of that, stopping to chat a while, some- 
times forgetting to return until almost dinner- 
time. The social life here is not what it was once. 
It reminds me of an old mill, long fallen into 
disuse. People live too much to themselves.” 

“Yes — ,” Guy faltered, “in a community like 
this, people generally live to themselves and be- 
come so narrowed that they measure everyone 
by a standard of their own makeup and forget 
to measure themselves by it.” 

Only Susie noticed his pointed remark, but 
Katie heard too and set a dish down with unusual 
suddenness. 

“There may not seem to be much patriotism 
here but there is,” Mrs. Harrington continued. 
“Every heart is deeply stirred.” 

“Little Elizabeth Watt surely is patriotic,” 
Susie remarked. “She purchased a harp at the 
cash store the other day and ran home to show 
it to her aunt. When Mrs. Irwin examined it 
and read aloud 'Made in Germany’ Elizabeth 
snatched it from her and ran back to the store. 


78 


When He Found Himself 


She threw it down on the counter and demanded 
something made in the United States.” 

''But some mothers are not very eager for 
their boys to enlist. Fve heard several talk with 
Mrs. Maynard,” Sylvia said straightening. 

"You must remember that is the mother side 
of it,” Guy said tenderly. 

"A mother should be proud to give her sons 
for such a noble cause. A woman cannot go to 
the battle front but she can give her sons, her 
husband or her lover, for this worthy cause. A 
woman must give.” 

"Yes,” Susie murmured, "A woman must al- 
ways give, give. A man must fight — a woman 
must give.” 

There was a silence. 

"Don’t misjudge the mothers Miss Nichols,” 
Mrs. Harrington pleaded. "It is only motherly 
love rankling with duty in a mother’s heart. Re- 
member in giving her sons a woman gives her- 
self. A mother knows the cost of man,” 

Mr. Harrington nodded. "A father sees, a 
mother feels.” 

"I admire a patriotic person especially a man 
who is willing to do his bit,” Sylvia said. 

Miss Porter who sat near Guy assisting him, 
remarked — "We all love the spirit and courage 
displayed in patriotism. It combines Jovfe and 


When He Found Himself 


79 


honor.” Then to Guy, ^^Mr. Fuller if this acci- 
dent had not befallen you, would you have en- 
listed?” 

And still thinking of the irony in Sylvia’s 
remark, he replied slowly, “I cannot answer 
definitely, for some of us have work or places 
that no one else can fill. I have a charge to keep.” 

Sylvia laughed frivolously, but Susie looked 
up and caught the serious look in his eye. 

It was nine when Sylvia pleaded to return to 
Mrs. Maynard’s for she had some work she must 
finish before leaving the next day. 

“You are not going alone Sylvia?” Guy ques- 
tioned. 

“Why not?” turning as she pinned her hat. 
The velvet gown she was wearing fell in soft 
folds over her shoulders and laid against her 
white neck. Guy started at the picture she made. 
A great fear crept over him — what if he never 
could take her in his arms again and stand be- 
side her, well and strong? Would she love him 
just the same if Fate had played such a queer 
trick? Oh, he wanted to crush her to him! A 
mad, wild desire to hold the tall beautiful woman, 
to kiss her lips and hair and throat possessed 
him. 

“Nursie,” he said, "'Can you take me into the 
other room so can have a few minutes alone?*’ 


80 


When He Found Himself 


When they were alone and Miss Porter was 
closing the door Sylvia asked her if she would 
mind walking to the corner with her. ‘‘1 will be 
glad for the walk,” she answered smiling. 

Guy took Sylvia’s hands in his. 'Tlease, 
Dear, take off your hat so I can see you put it 
on again. You make a perfect picture,” and in 
his presence she grew even more beautiful. 

Going slowly up the street Sylvia questioned 
Miss. Porter closely concerning Guy’s condition. 
''Don’t you think he is able to be moved at least 
to Columbus, where I can reach him easier?” 

Miss Porter had tried to be patient with her 
and tried to show her various reasons why he 
should be kept at Samsoun. But finally she spoke 
plainly. "Miss Nichols the truth is this. Mr. 
Fuller is improving very slowly. He was hurt 
more seriously than you or anyone else have 
known. Moving him would mean a relapse or 
it might even mean .” 

"Stop,” Sylvia cried. "Don’t go on I can 
scarcely stand it now. To see him so weak and 
helpless and I can’t do a thing for him. While — .” 
Her voice seemed to fail her, and she walked in 
silence. 

At the corner Miss Porter stopped. 

"Thank you for coming,” Sylvia murmured. 
"I’ll be down in the morning.” 


When He Found Himself 


81 


''Good-night/’ 

“Good-night '' and her voice vibrated on 

the air as if she were weary or dissatisfied. 

Mrs. Maynard and Lena La Paige sitting in 
the Hotel sitting room, heard her ascend the 
stairs but no one saw the beautiful figure a few 
minutes later slip into a shimmering gown nor 
saw the agony on the haughty face when Sylvia 
threw herself across the bed. No tears came but 
her heart throbbed and ached. Never in her life 
had she wanted Guy as she wanted him now. 
Wanted him all to herself and away from every- 
one else. Away from Doctor and nurse and — 
could it be jealousy that was creeping into her 
heart? Yes, she wanted him away from Sister 
Susie. 

Downstairs Lena La Paige sat writing. Oc- 
casionally Mrs. Maynard looked up from her 
sewing and talked as she plied her needle. She 
was the elderly woman who kept the hotel and 
Lena was the slip of a girl who taught the pri- 
mary room. A little too young looking to be very 
capable some thot. But the children clung to her 
like little bees and loved her too, it seemed, for, 
when evening came often a child remained after 
the rest went home, to sit on her lap awhile and 
put their little arms around her neck. 

“Miss Nichols goes tomorrow?’' Lena asked. 

6 


82 


When He Found Himself 


‘Wes. She is getting homesick and tired of 
this quiet place. But who could blame her? I 
wish I could go to the city myself. And to think 
after Tuesday, I won’t have you either. It 
makes me sick, but I promised those men, way 
last summer and I won’t have room for you. 
You will enjoy being with Miss Susie and Har- 
ringtons. What is Miss Susie’s last name, I 
can’t remember?” 

“Eggson. Susie Eggson.” 

“Yes, that’s it. Well you’ll enjoy her, and 
Harringtons are so nice.” 

“Oh, yes. I’ll get along but I’ve enjoyed it 
here, for I could be alone and do as I pleased.” 

Mrs. Maynard smiled. “I think you will 
wherever you are. Well, thank goodness you 
weren’t hard to please like Miss Nichols has 
been.” 

“I feel sorry for her.” 

“Sorry for her!” The older woman opened 
her eyes wide and lifted both her hands. “Sorry 
for that proud lady! She is the last one I’d 
think needed any sympathy, child.” 

Lena put down her writing. “Why she is so 
proud she is killing her soul. She is afraid to 
open her heart to anyone. I have seen her when 
a child runs close to her chair, gather her skirts 
about her as if afraid of some contagion. Last 


When He Found Himself 


83 


evening a crowd of children came to the door 
with me. She shrugged her shoulders and said 
— ‘How do you stand it ?’ ” 

“Why I love them, everyone,” I told her. 
“You have to love people if you want them to 
love you. And if you don’t love them it is hard 
to endure their presence.” 

“She’s a pretty face and fine figure. That’s 
all one can say, yet I guess that’s all that is 
needed in city society. She is a regular society 
butterfly. Just a butterfly. Nothing to do but 
flit and dance in the sunshine and spread her 
beautiful wings.” 

“Butterflies do dance and flit in the sunshine 
all summer long with no other mission it seems 
but to show their beautiful coloring — yet God 
has placed them here and like each one of us, 
they have a purpose which we cannot always 
divine. Some people work, endure and suffer all 
their lives while others dance in the sunshine. 
Some never get through the caterpillar stage — 
others never know that part of life.” 

“I believe you like her and understand her 
ways better than we older ones do. But then 
you’ve been to school and out among people, and 
people change so.” 

“I admire her dignity. She commands at- 
tention but I pity her from the bottom of my 


84 


When He Found Himself 


heart. I believe Fll run up and make my nightly 
visit. She always expects me to run in her 
room before I go to sleep.’' 

'‘If you are not too tired, come down and 
keep me company a while longer. That gentle- 
man that’s coming won’t get in until 11 :30 and 
I have to stay up to have a warm lunch ready for 
him.” 

“All right Mother Maynard,” and Lena ran 
up the stairs first to her own room. 

Sylvia heard her and arose, smoothed her 
hair and waited for the light knock. 

“Come in little Lena LaPaige,” her voice 
trailed off musically. 

The storm had passed. Reclining in a low 
rocker she had as complete possession of herself 
as over an hour ago when she stood before Guy, 
a bewitching woman. 

“Oh, ‘The Moon Lady’ is beautiful tonight. 
How I wish Mr. Fuller might see you !” 

“Why, child?” 

“In that soft wonderful gown you would 
make him dizzy for the want of you.” Lena 
clasped her hands together. The dark hair 
against the antiquely carved chair was fascin- 
ating. Lena stood spellbound. 

“Come and have a chair,” she motioned to 
one quite near her. “I want to talk with you.” 


When He Found Himself 


85 


Lena obeyed. Brushed a short red curl back 
and clasped her hands around her knee ready to 
listen. 

“I am going tomorrow.'’ 

'Tomorrow! I am sorry." 

Not until the hotel was quiet and long after 
Mrs. Maynard’s loose slippers sounded on the 
top stair did Sylvia’s heavy eyes close. Was 
little Lena LaPaige really sorry she was going? 
Those three words rang over and over again in 
her mind — ‘T am sorry.’’ In spite of all Sylvia 
knew she was sorry too. Why — she could not 
say. 


CHAPTER SEVEN 


Anticipation, fruition and memory are the three elements 
of happiness. And the greatest of these is anticipation, for with 
it, we see tomorrow rising hopefully out of a dim and misty 
future. 


It was Saturday morning. Joe Hahn had on 
his Saturday morning clothes and his Saturday 
face. Coming from the cash store he climbed 
the ancient lamp post. After reaching the sum- 
mit he compared the two much prized all-day 
suckers and decided to eat them both at once. 
As he sat there, snatches of songs came from 
his little throat. Sylvia threw open a window 
so the October air might come in. 

When Joe’s voice came to her she leaned 
farther out until she saw the object from which 
the music came — a slender boy of about nine, 
perched on the top of an iron pole. Beneath a 
baseball hat much too large with beak pushed 
back, was a little freckled face and two big gray 
eyes. 

Sylvia saw only the dirty face and she drew 
back to finish her packing when from that slen- 
der throat came a soft low, caroling tune that 
( 86 ) 


When He Found Himself 


87 


grew louder and stronger until quite plainly came 
to her — 

T — is for the tears she shed to save me, 

H — is for her heart of purest gold, 

E — is for her eyes with love-light shining, 

R — is right and right she’ll always be. 

Put them all together, they spell MOTHER. 

A word that means the world to me. 

Sylvia dropped her packing. That voice was 
unusual. She wanted to hear that child sing 
again. She tried to attract his attention by call- 
ing him but Joe’s eyes were so busy he couldn’t 
hear anything, for down the west road a caravan 
of gaily painted wagons wound its way slowly 
toward the town. He caught sight of several 
ragged children clinging to the sides of the 
wagons. Down from his perch he slid and was 
starting to run when Sylvia reached the door 
and called him to her. 

''Will you come in and sing for me?” 

"Not now. I can’t,” excitedly. 

"Oh, just a little while. It won’t take long.” 

"I can’t. I’ve got to beat it. See what’s 
coming. I’ve got to find my Dad. See, gypsies 
are coming!” 

"But will you sing for me sometime this after- 
noon ?” 

"Yes — yes’um. I can’t now,” turning to run. 


88 


When He Found Himself 


“Are you afraid of them?’’ 

“No’m, No’m. But my Dad wants me.” His 
eyes grew larger every second. 

“You will come this afternoon about one, 
won’t you? I’m going to leave at three.” 

“Yes, I’ll come.” Then hurriedly he said, 
“Say, Miss Nichols, I like candy awful well.” 

“You come and you shall have some candy,” 
she assured him and so the bargain was sealed. 

Evenly and stealthily the gypsy train glided 
through the village and encamped about a mile 
beyond. At the end of the noon hour Queen Zar- 
vis, her tambourine hanging from her left 
shoulder, started for Samsoun, in hopes of find- 
ing some who would come under her spell and 
cross her hand with silver for the good luck she 
would bring them. Her sharp eyes saw the 
Land Turtle as it stood inside the shop and 
recognized it. In her shrewd way she gleaned 
enough facts from different villagers to know 
that the Land Turtle had brought trouble, as she 
had prophesied. On her house to house tour she 
encountered Mrs. Maynard mopping the kitchen 
floor. Standing in the door leaning on her mop 
she protested vigorously against having her for- 
tune told. But Queen Zarvis was cunning and 
when she began unraveling the story of her 


When He Found Himself 


89 


prophecy of the Land Turtle Mrs. Maynard 
stood up straight and looked over her glasses. 

‘‘Sakes alive, you don’t tell me do you! You 
surely didn’t know that accident was going to 
happen !” 

The gypsy grinned wickedly and nodded. 

‘'How be it that you knew so much! I don’t 
believe one word of it,” shaking the mop vigor- 
ously. “You’d best be getting yourself off my 
doorstep. That all happened a month ago. 
’Tisn’t likely you ever laid eyes on the man.” 

Zarvis stepped back and leaned forward. “1 
know by ze emblem on ze machine. It is ze 
same one — ze Land Turtle. And ze lady that 
was with heem was a grand lady. Ze little boy 
was a beautiful child.” 

“The lady,” Mrs. Maynard exclaimed. “He 
was alone when it happened. There was no one 
with him.” 

“Yees, but when I sees heem up ze pike a lady 
with yellow hair and a boy look very much like 
heem. He smile at ze lady like he love her.” 

Mrs. Maynard only gasped. And Zarvis 
knew she had struck the right cord so she went 
on. “He love the lady dearly. I know. And ze 
child look exactly like heem. It is hees child I 
know.” 


90 


When He Found Himself 


''Are you sure the lady didn’t have dark 
hair ?” 

"No, no. Like ze girl there, only not so much 
red — more yellow,” pointing to Lena who just 
appeared and as hastily disappeared. 

"What could have happened to the woman 
and child?” 

"He drop her some place. Maybe she stay 
somewhere near, or live. He love her anyway.” 

"Perhaps it was someone he overtook on the 
way, or it might have been a relative.” 

"No, no. It is a woman he loves very much. 
I can tell by hees eyes — hees smile. The child 
must have been hees child.” 

Joe Hahn, coming down the street to keep 
his appointment with Miss Nichols, had a clean, 
shining face and two sparkling eyes that saw 
everything. So Queen Zarvis making her way 
to Mrs. Maynard’s back door did not escape him 
and instead of going to the front door he slipped 
around the house and stood in a corner about 
five feet from the back door, where he could hear 
and yet be unseen. So there he stood and list- 
ened breathlessly to the conversation between 
Queen Zarvis and Mrs. Maynard. When Zarvis 
was pleading with Mrs. Maynard her tambourine 
fell from under her arm, clattering upon the 
stone steps. Joe took to his heels. Frightened 


When He Found Himself 


91 


and excited by the story concerning Guy, he 
burst into the front door, running headlong into 
Miss Nichols. 

'‘Mercy, child! What causes you to be so 
rude? Why didn’t you ring?” her haughty tones 
brought him to his senses. 

“Pardon me, but she frightened me so. I 
just ran,” pausing for breath and pulling off his 
cap— ‘1— I— .” 

“Who frightened you ?” her voice was milder. 

“Why that woman — that — ^that gypsy who is 
out back.” 

“What did she do to frighten you so, and 
where were you?” 

“Coming in — here,” he stammered hesitating 
to tell he had been eavesdropping. 

“Why she won’t hurt you 1 Come let us start 
singing. It is two already. I want you to sing 
the song you sang for me this morning.” 

While Sylvia played it through Joe sat on the 
edge of a large chair, his eyes resting on the dish 
of candy on the table. Sylvia turning saw his 
gaze. Joe reddened and grinned. 

“I would rather you wait until after singing.” 

Joe arose and stood near the piano. Sylvia 
played the opening chord and the boy sang. At 
first his little body bent slightly forward then it 


92 


When He Found Himself 


straightened as if to let his voice out. His voice 
quivered then grew calmer, clearer, firmer. 

“Put them all together they spell MOTHER, 

A word that means the world to me.” 


The tenderness and earnestness with which 
he sang stirred Sylvia. And the last lines stuck 
in her heart. The second verse she scarcely 
knew she played, so intent was her mind on the 
child’s voice, and when he reached the chorus 
tears came to her eyes and one big one rolled over 
her cheek and glistened on her white hand. 

Neither moved for a moment, then she asked, 
'‘Joe who taught you to sing?” 

"Miss LaPaige taught us that.” 

"No, I mean who taught you how to sing.” 

"No one but Miss LaPaige. She just says, 
'When you sing that song, sing it as if you mean 
it. Sing it like you would to your Mother,’ and 
s;o we do.” 

Joe was singing another song when he saw 
someone’s head appear just above the window 
edge. The figure seemed to be listening then 
moved away. Joe gave a low cry, "There she is 
again.” 

Sylvia turned quickly and saw Queen Zarvis 
going across the lawn. She moved toward the 


When He Found Himself 


93 


window, shrugged her shoulders at the sight of 
the gypsy woman. Her red and yellow costume 
and green sash fell in folds. Bracelets covered 
her arms and jingled in tune with her tambourine. 
A red silk handkerchief covered her dark almost 
black hair and earrings completed her gorgeous 
costume. Sylvia watched silently and almost un- 
consciously put an arm around Joe. 

'‘Boy,^' she asked, “Why are you so afraid 
of herr 

“Fm not afraid — it’s — it’s just what she said 
makes me nervous I guess.” 

“What did she say?” 

Joe stammered and moved uneasily. 

“What is it Joe, tell me all about it! Please 
do.” 

She dropped into a rocker, reached for the 
candy and motioned for Joe to sit near her. 

“I was coming down the street and she,” 
pointing in the direction Zarvis had gone, “turned 
in here. I followed her and hid in the corner, 
and heard her talking to Mrs. Maynard. It was 
about Mr. — Mr. Guy — I can’t say his last name.” 

“Guy? Who do you mean child?” 

“Why the man you came to see — the man 
that was hurt.” 

“Mr. Fuller? That woman wouldn’t know 


94 


When He Found Himself 


anything about Mr. Fuller. Surely you are mis- 
taken for 

''Oh, no, Fm not. Cause Mrs. Maynard 
wouldn’t believe her and ordered her away and 
then she told Mrs. Maynard that she knew all 
about the accident and the woman that was with 
him.” 

"Joe, you are making this up. If you are, 
you shall be punished.” Sylvia’s dark eyes 
flashed and her eyes clouded. "There was no 
woman with him. You know he was alone.” 

"Yes, but when this old gypsy saw him it was 
quite a ways from here and there was a lady — 
a light haired lady and a little boy with him.” 

"Well,” and her voice sounded relieved. "It 
was probably someone he overtook on the way 
and asked to ride.” 

But Joe must tell it all. So after many inter- 
ruptions he told her the story as Queen Zarvis 
had related it. "And she knew the machine by 
the sign on it, the Land Turtle,” he concluded. 

Sylvia was stunned. If all this gossip were 
true what could it mean? The air suddenly 
seemed close and heavy. How she dismissed the 
boy she scarcely knew, but she remembered fill- 
ing his pockets with candy. At the door he bid 
her good-bye. 


When He Found Himself 


95 


'‘Fm not going today, Joe. Fve changed my 
mind.'’ 

In her room she sank into a chair. Her hands 
clenched tightly, her breath came hard. Although 
to the public Miss Nichols was beautiful and 
graceful — noted for her poise and dignity — yet 
at times such as this she lost complete control of 
herself. Angry thots, one after another, crept 
into her mind. Suspicion and jealousy came 
quickly until her fine face was pale and dis- 
torted. She went over the incident Joe had nar- 
rated again and again. Over an hour ago she 
sat at the piano her face softened by Joe’s sing- 
ing, making her wondrously beautiful. Even 
the boy had been awed by her. And now she had 
lost control of herself. 

A breeze pushed back the curtain and stole 
over her face, raised her hair from her fore- 
head. Slowly her fingers relaxed, her head 
drooped and she stared at the street below until 
she saw Lena LaPaige coming. “What a fool 
I am,” rising and walking with dignity to the 
dresser, as Lena’s words came to her — “Oh, the 
Moon Lady is beautiful tonight.” She knew 
that with her beauty she could hold Guy Fuller 
against a world of women. Stepping to the door 
she called — “Lena, Oh, Lena LaPaige.” 


96 


When He Found Himself 


In answer a door opened and the girl ap- 
peared. 

''Will you please phone to Mr. Watt and tell 
him I am not going today. I probably will go 
tomorrow at the same time. Then if you have 
time do come to my room in about a half hour, 
ril be so thankful if you will phone for me, I do 
not feel able to do it myself.’' 

Lena knew her moods and was quick to see 
that something had gone wrong, so she made a 
little courtesy and descended the stair saying, 
"ril be after a doin’ that very thing.” Sylvia 
had to laugh. In a half hour she had said, for 
she wanted to gain control of herself and also 
write a note to Guy. 

When Lena went to her an hour later she 
found her dressed in a pale, yellow negligee. 
The gown was clinging, as all her gowns were, 
and a touch of black velvet made it stunning. It 
was a gown Lena had never seen before. She 
put her hands to her forehead as if the sight of 
the yellow clad figure dazed her. Sylvia was 
sitting before a writing desk, one arm resting on 
the back of the chair she occupied. 

Lena pulled a chair to the window. Sylvia 
was unconscious of her beauty and the girl saw, 
she was greatly disturbed. 

"If I confide in you on a subject which is of 


When He Found Himself 


97 


interest and importance to me alone, will you 
promise not to mention it to anyone?’’ 

''You know I will do anything I can for you, 
and I am ready to be your confidante.” 

Sylvia turned suddenly, "Yes, but tell me, do 
you prom.ise that you will tell no one?” She 
spoke quickly, her manner was haughty. 

Lena resented her tone and her reply showed 
it. "Miss Nichols do you esteem me so lightly? 
If this subject of which you speak concerns you 
personally, why should I wish to repeat it. You 
know without asking me that I will never men- 
tion it to anyone.” 

"I was hasty. Forgive me. Even you are 
not going to misunderstand me are you? You 
are the only one here who does, and the only one 
I care for — people say I am distant and cold, but 
you don’t seem to think so. You are different in 
your ideas.” 

Long afterward Lena recalled that speech. 

"Well, I must begin though I hardly know 
how.” Sylvia took another chair and gazed ab- 
sently for a while. She told the story slowly 
omitting the gypsy’s description of Guy’s atti- 
tude toward the fair-haired woman. 

'^And what else happened?’^ the girl ex- 
claimed expecting Sylvia to continue. 

T 


98 


When He Found Himself 


'That is enough, isn’t it? I don’t know what 
else happened. What I want to know is this” — 
bending forward — "Who is that fair-haired wo- 
man who was with him?” 

Lena’s eyes opened wider and wider. Sud- 
denly it dawned upon her what Sylvia was driv- 
ing at. "Why of course it was only someone he 
overtook on the way. Some mother and child 
perhaps. It was only right that he should ask 
them to ride. Any man would.” 

Then Sylvia told of Guy’s attitude toward the 
woman. It was hard for her proud heart to show 
its jealous side. "I am not going to leave this 
village until I know more concerning this. But 
what am I going to do ?” 

"I would,” and Lena paused for Miss Nichols 
always made her feel so young and childish when 
in her presence, and she hesitated about ventur- 
ing her ideas. 

"Go on,” the beautiful woman commanded. 

"I would go on loving him just the same, 
never losing faith until with his own lips or eyes 
he told me something was wrong.” 

"Child you are young. You do not under- 
stand men. They often love and marry and yet 
continue relations with another woman.” 

Lena’s youth fell as a cloak from her 
shoulders, her figure straightened, her eyes 


When He Found Himself 


99 


darkened — '‘When women will cease marry- 
ing just any man and hunt and wait for their 
ideal then they will love and have faith. All 
distrust and fear will vanish and they will marry 
their soulmate — the one God has chosen for 
them.’’ 

“Your ideas are pure and sweet but in a 
busy city, men must have pleasure to relax their 
minds and bodies. They do not have time to 
stop and decide whether it is right for them to 
go here or there, or wrong to do this or that, or 
best to seek this or that person’s company. 
They must get pleasure while they can. Imagine 
a well known society man wasting time debat- 
ing with his conscience.” Sylvia’s lips curled 
into a haughty smile. She felt so superior. 

“Then why,” and Lena’s voice was sarcastic, 
“why do you waste time here over such a trivial 
matter concerning Mr. Fuller? Why do you 
stop to consider whether it is right or wrong? 
What does it matter if he does love this lady? 
If she is a stranger, it is all right. Oh, if I 
only,” and her voice lowered, “only had my 
ideal it would be the greatest happiness that 
could come to me. When a girl cannot trust the 
man who’s ring sparkles on her finger then he 
is not the one she should marry.” 

Sylvia knew that Lena had hit her. It 


100 


When He Found Himself 


angered her, but she knew it was the truth so 
tried to hide her resentment. “Indeed Lena 
some women never have an ideal.” 

“Then such people should never marry unless 
they love.” 

“Ah, yes but just as many never love.” 

“They should never marry unless they can 
not live without each other. It is society’s fault. 
Unhappy marriages are being performed daily 
— sweet homekeeping hearts are being shat- 
tered. Here childish lips are trembling, calling 
for the mother who has fled with some knave, 
there a youth is bowing his head because his 
father has fallen into the charms of some allur- 
ing belle. It is all society’s fault, and of course 
society means wealth.” 

Here Sylvia tried to stop her but the girl 
would not be stopped. She was little Lena no 
longer. She knew the cause she was pleading. 

“Don’t try to stop me Miss Nichols. It is the 
truth. Listen to me. I know a young girl who 
has suffered many a heartache, many a pang. 
She has endured it alone and all unknown to the 
world. She has been cheated out of name, heri- 
tage and prestige, but that is not the worst. 
Those can be forgotten. It is the sting that 
lives in her heart. Who cheated her ? Yes, you 
answer, her father of course ! But listen Sylvia 


When He Found Himself 


101 


Nichols, it was society who allowed him to do it. 
Society upheld him — it approved his course. 
But the woman who by God’s law was his wife 
was not approved — because — because she was 
poor.” 

Lena trembled, stood straight and still, her 
head thrown back, her hands clenched. Sylvia 
intended defending society but something in 
Lena’s eyes held her back and made her keep 
•still. The younger girl walked to the window. 
There was a silence. Neither could trust them- 
selves to speak. Sylvia was struggling to over- 
come the indignation aroused within herself. 
But she must return to the gypsy’s tale, for now 
more than ever she realized the need of Lena’s 
help. Finally she grasped an idea. 

'Tn society each individual decides his own 
course. One is considered capable of manag- 
ing his own affairs. We hate an intruder.” Her 
words were intended to crush Lena’s argument 
and make the girl see her folly. But instead 
she slowly turned and with a fixed even gaze 
she took in the woman before her. Saw her 
haughtiness, her beauty. She seemed so sure 
of her position, her influence and herself, that it 
sickened Lena. 

'‘You hate an intruder,” she cried, "and I 
hate one who is afraid to ‘Right the Wrong,’ ” 


102 


When He Found Himself 


and with fleeting steps she left the room. 
Crossed to her own — filled with disgust, she 
donned her sweater and cap, left the house and 
walked regardless of direction. When she came 
to the end of the village, her steps slackened, 
she breathed deep as if trying to cast off the 
scene from which she had fled. 

^'Oh, why did I have to be drawn into it? 
What right has Sylvia Nichols to suspect and 
mistrust Mr. Fuller?’’ That was the thot that 
stuck deepest in Lena’s heart. “She is doing 
him a wrong, and drowning all her happiness. 
Her future is marred, her present fruition 
dampened and how can her memories of past 
days be sweet and sacred? Anticipation, frui- 
tion and memory are the three elements of hap- 
piness. And the greatest of these is anticipation 
for with it we see tomorrow rising hopefully 
out of a dim and misty future,” the girl mur- 
mured to herself. “I think that’s the saddest 
thing that can happen to a girl — to lose faith 
in her future husband. And it seems to me that 
in doing so, a girl is losing faith in God and 
sinning against Him.” 

“Well, help right the wrong,” a voice from 
somewhere seemed to say, as she walked north 
to where the roads fork, then back the other way 
to the village. Standing on the little bridge Lena 


When He Found Himself 


103 


decided what she would do. She would learn 
all she could without arousing suspicion from 
Mrs. Maynard. A pebble rolled from under her 
foot and splashed into the quiet water sending 
ripples up and down the stream. 

'‘That pebble is like some people — just drops 
in and makes a big disturbance/’ she said aloud 
to herself. 

"All pebbles are alike,” said a voice behind 
her. It was Dr. Barnes, the one person who 
above all others fitted in at this time. The two 
walked toward Samsoun. 

Presently the girl asked, "Do you believe in 
mixing in another person’s affairs, even when 
asked, if you consider that the whole business 
is wrong and you cannot agree with the person ?” 

Dr. Barnes eyed her thotfully. "Well 
yes. On these conditions. First, know what is 
right and then stick to it. You do not know 
what influence you may have on the people you 
mix with. One never knows the depth to which 
the shaft will sink, when the arm that strikes has 
righteousness back of it.” 

"Yes, but many here are ready to criticise. 
Especially a teacher,” nodding to the houses, that 
lay before them. 

"Are you afraid of what they will say? Know 
your heart — know your heart. Not to know is 


104 


When He Found Himself 


grasping at anything. Listen to your own heart 
of sense and let the wind blow. You don’t have 
to stand out in it. Don’t be afraid. Study God’s 
laws, be wise, happy and strong.” 

“I wish I could splash like that pebble and 
waken some people!” Lena jammed her hands 
into her pockets. 

''You can. You will. I am going to give 
you that name — it just fits you. Pebbles — 
you can roll them, toss them, drop them — ” 

"Yes and freeze them, nothing matters when 
only pebbles are concerned. Just common peb- 
bles” — came wearily. 

They were at the hotel now. Both entered. 
Lena was her old self again, bubbling over with 
determination. 

"Child, where have you been?” Mrs. May- 
nard caught both her arms in a motherly way. 
Supper is all over and that grand lady upstairs 
is all het up cause we couldn’t find you. She 
ordered her supper in her room and wants you 
the minute you come in.” 

"Well, she can’t have me. Yum, yum, I smell 
delicious things 1” In way of explanation added 
— "I just had to walk some of this red-headed- 
ness off. I’m sorry I am late.” 

"Tut, tut, everything’s nice and warm, and 
no bother.” 


When He Found Himself 


105 


“Let me eat out here in the kitchen so we 
can talk/’ Lena suggested, wondering how she 
could bring Mrs. Maynard to tell the Gypsy’s 
story. Luck was Lena’s way. Mrs. Maynard 
always ready for a conflab, soon turned the con- 
versation to Gypsies and with a little tact Lena 
got the whole story, exactly as Joe had repeated 
it. 

When Lena left Sylvia so abruptly, the latter 
for once scarcely knew what to do. Ordinarily 
her anger would have controlled her, but some 
how she could not become angry at the girl. 
Deep in her heart she knew it was all wrong. 
Lena spoke the truth. Sylvia half decided to 
play fair, to have faith, and trust Guy until she 
had cause to do otherwise. She arose and stood 
before her mirror, taking in her own beauty. 
“You simple goose,” she said to herself, “listen- 
ing to a little school girl who doesn’t know the 
A, B, C’s of society. Who ever heard of trust- 
ing a man? And love is rarely felt by persons 
of the world. We like, but do not love.” 

When Sylvia found Lena had left the house 
she became very irritable, ordered her dinner to 
be served in her room, and in a very stately man- 
ner, requested that Miss La Paige be sent to her 
immediately upon her return. 

“I’ll show Miss Lena, I am not one to stand 


106 


When He Found Himself 


for such rudeness, especially by one so young and 
artless/' 

Lena hesitated before knocking at her door. 
“I'll help, but not in the way she is expecting. 
I'll try to 'right the wrong,' and may even fight 
against her," she thot savagely. 

Sylvia was stately and commanding in her 
appearance — Lena was equally dignified and 
self-possessed, her eyes met Sylvias without 
flinching. 

“Come, let us talk quickly, Mr. Fuller will be 
so anxious." 

“I have drawn the story from Mrs. Maynard, 
Joe repeated it exactly." 

“Did Mrs. Maynard wonder at you being 
interested ?" 

“She told me of her own accord. You will 
not mention the matter to Mr. Fuller?" 

“I have not said I believed the story, or sus- 
pected him yet, have I ?" 

“Oh — ," was all Lena could manage to say 
at such a ridiculous remark. 

“Oh, — what?" tartly. 

“Oh, Johnny get your gun," the girl couldn't 
help but say and the next minute bit her tongue. 

Sylvia tried to freeze her with a glance, then 
suddenly broke into a laugh. “If you hear any- 
thing more let me know, but let no one suspect 


When He Found Himself 


107 


that I have spoken to you concerning this gos- 
sip. 

So Miss Nichols started down to spend the 
evening with Mr. Fuller, fully intending to 
know more about this beautiful woman. She 
meant to surprise him and by her adroitness lead 
him to explain his relations with this person who 
appeared to be her rival. 


CHAPTER EIGHT 


It was the greatest grief a woman has ever known — 
to love and not to hold. 


Thursday evening, preceding all these hap- 
penings, in Samsoun, out in Wilson, Indiana, a 
theater was crowded to the utmost. No more 
could be admitted. The entertainment was 
varied, and the proceeds for the Red Cross. The 
program was excellent, each performer seemed 
to live his part. 

Slowly the curtain raised again. The moon- 
light beamed across the stage revealing a cottage 
in the midst of a rose garden. The door opened, 
and a woman in a soft green gown came out, 
and standing near a bower of roses lifted her 
violin to her shoulder. First the strains came 
low and sweet. The moonlight, the roses — the 
scene seemed to be in the melody she played. 
The woman bent her head and soon forgot the 
people before her. The audience leaned forward, 
it seemed some nymph was enticing them with 
soft, fantastic tones. Then gradually the moon- 
light slipped out of the music and a wind sprang 
up. Louder it grew until the clouds rad gath- 
( 108 ) 


When He Found Himself 


109 


ered. The violin sighed and moaned. The storm 
was raging, now the enhancing tones held the 
people motionless. Then the wind lowered, the 
rain suddenly ceased. The violin grew calmer 
and the listeners seemed to see the roses strewn 
and wasted by the storm. Again the moon came 
out. The people started — where was that 
meadow-lark calling so plaintively as they do 
after a storm — somewhere a whippoorwill cried 
out! The world was at rest again. Alluring 
tones once more flowed over the audience, this 
time they were fuller, richer, as if the storm had 
wrought the change. The bow trembled and 
quivered, the tones igrew softer, fainter and 
fainter, then melted away. 

The woman smiled and left the stage. The 
people still leaned forward as if afraid of break- 
ing the spell the music cast upon them. Then 
came an applause that did not cease until she 
appeared again. Her light golden hair combed 
low On her neck was a frame for her fair face. 
Not a jewel adorned her — the simple gown 
brought out her beauty. This time she sat on a 
rustic seat at one side of the stage. She lifted 
the violin and played a simple air. 

A little boy with soft shining brown hair, clad 
in a black velvet suit made his way across the 
stage. The audience started — why was this 


no 


When He Found Himself 


child allowed to interfere, why didn’t someone 
call him back ? The people moved uneasily, some 
almost growled aloud. 

He ran and leaned against the woman’s knee, 
put the rose he was holding in his chubby hand 
to her cheek, looked up into her face and smiled, 
then looked out over the crowd before him. The 
little dimpled face looked steadily into hundreds 
of eyes. Everyone waited for him to cry but in- 
stead the rosebud lips parted, his hands dropped 
to his side and his baby voice sang a message 
clear and strong. 


‘1 know a spot where the sun is like gold, 

And cherry blooms burst like snow, 

And down underneath is the loveliest spot. 

Where the four-leaf clover grows. 

One leaf is for hope and one is for faith, 

And one is for love, you know; 

And God put another one in for luck, 

If 5rou search you will find where they grow. 

Then you must have hope and you must have faith, 
You must love and be strong and so. 

If you watch, if you wait, you will find the place, 
Where the four-leaf clover grows.” 


The child wondered what the loud continued 
noise that all those people made meant, but to 
the mother it brought great happiness. She had 
won her way into the hearts of the people. 


When He Found Himself 


111 


Success brings the greatest happiness when 
it is obtained after a long struggle and when it 
it sought in order that a sorrow may be 
drowned. This woman had striven to bury the 
bitter past and once more get sweetness out of 
life. Her violin sang and sobbed out her story. 
The audience before her knew it was unusual 
skill, — very few understood the power which 
made her play so wonderfully. And what was 
that power ? It was the greatest grief a woman 
has ever known — to love and not to hold. She 
loved a man to the deepest depth a human soul 
can love — her body clove to his — her mind 
with him was so imbued, she worshipped when 
she thot of him. And when a woman loves thus, 
yet can not have, she has no fear of Hades after 
death, her hell is here on earth. 

♦ 

Saturday morning, Susie brought Guy his 
mail. There was several letters and a paper. 
He read the letters, then carelessly broke the 
cord and unfolded the paper. A picture caught 
his eye, he grabbed the paper, held it closer as if 
to make sure he saw aright. Yes, it was Flor- 
ence and Loyd. He scanned the paragraph be- 
low it eagerly. 'The mother and child,” it read 
"who ” and there was a full 


112 


When He Found Himself 


account of how they had held and charmed the 
audience. 

Tears came to Guy’s eyes as he gazed at the 
picture. Florence was beautiful, not as to fea- 
tures, for they were irregular, but it was the 
Madonna face and her eyes so large and deep, 
they seemed to hold mysteries in their depths. 
The child beside her had just such eyes. 

He was glad of her success. It did not sur- 
prise him for he knew whatever Flo made up 
her mind to do, she did. She would be happier 
now, more contented. 

At one side of the picture Florence had writ- 
ten something. He turned the paper and read 
— ''Dear Guy: Won’t you let us come to you 
just for a few days. Success can not cover our 
loneliness. — Flo.” 

Guy covered his eyes with his clenched hands. 
"If only I could go to them,” he moaned. "But 
if she comes it will be the same thing over again. 
She will want to stay with me and I can not say, 
no. 

Forgetting how little strength he had he 
arose and staggered across the room. His mind 
was so busy going over the past he did not hear 
Miss Porter enter the room. "Mr. Fuller,’^ she 
spoke to attract his attention, for his actions 
frightened her. 


When He Found Himself 


113 


Her voice brought him back from deep thots 
so quickly, that he turned, caught his foot under 
a heavy rug and fell, striking his head against 
the writing desk. Katie passing through the hall 
heard him fall. She dropped the dust pan and 
rushed into the room. Guy’s face was pale, his 
eyes closed slowly. Katie was too frightened to 
be of any assistance. 

'‘I knew I wasn’t after a seein’ them black 
cats for nothin’. Didn’t I count three this morn- 
in’ ! Nothin' but black cats ’for me eyes all day.” 

Miss Porter motioned her into silence. It 
was fully fifteen minutes before Guy could speak 
to them. He had struck his head just above the 
previous cut and it made him weak and dizzy. 

Doctor Paulding hurried down. ''He must 
not worry over a thing,” he told nurse. "Keep 
him cheerful. That’s the main thing.” 

When Guy remembered that Sylvia was to 
leave that afternoon he became downhearted. 
When 2:30 came and she did not appear to bid 
him goodbye he grew very nervous. Miss Porter 
tried to keep his attention elsewhere but by 2 :45 
he was very fretful. She was going to phone 
for Sylvia when a boy brought a note. Guy 
hastily tore it open. It was brief but made him 
happy. 

8 


114 


When He Found Himself 


Dear Guy: 

Have changed my mind and will not go until tomorrow. 
Will be down after dinner this evening. Sylvia. 


He felt that her decision to stay was because 
of her love for him. He often had wished she 
would be a little freer in her attitude toward 
him. She was usually distant and at times cold, 
but was going to stay one night longer. He 
could imagine seeing her write the note — her 
superb figure bending gracefully, her eyes 
softening a little — as they had the previous 
evening when they were together. 

As Sylvia was a good plotter, Guy never 
guessed the main reason for her prolonged stay. 
And Sylvia playing with the fire of Guy’s heart 
like a child, forgot that fire burns and sometimes 
leaves a scar. 

Finally Guy’s mind went back to Florence 
and the paper. 

''Miss Porter will you please put that news- 
paper some place where no one will find it. I 
don’t want anyone here to see it.” 

But Miss Porter was a woman, and when 
she saw the picture and writing, her curiosity 
got the better of her, so she placed it on her own 
dressing table, in her room across the hall. 

"Well I be, well I be,” Katie remarked, when 


When He Found Himself 


115 


told that Miss Nichols intended staying one night 
longer. “Well I be ! Phwat is she up to now, Fd 
like to know?’’ 

“Who?” Susie, entering the kitchen, asked. 

“Why shure, the Grand Duchess herself has 
given out the order that her highness will be- 
stow a favor on the town by stayin’ one more 
night.” Katie was drawn to her full height and 
as dignified as any duchess dare be. “Tis bet- 
ter that man will be when she’s lavin’ for good. 
And ’tis sorry the day when he takes that wag- 
tail for his wife.” 

“Oh, Katie, Mr. Fuller admires her and is 
so happy when she is with him !” 

“More pity than ever to know he has given 
his love to one who can’t return it. Such a cold 
creature could never warm a man’s heart.” 

“It is just her way. We see her cold, haughty 
nature, her inner self is not shown to us. She 
really cares for Mr. Fuller, I believe.” 

“That’s jest what I’m a seein’ is her inside 
self. And it’s a good deal worse than her out- 
side. Now look here, missy. I have been in 
love, I been engaged, and I’ve been married, 
and I’m an ordinary human bein’. I’m here to 
tell you that when you really love, it begins kinda 
easy like — jest good friends you know. Then a 
feelin’ keeps creepin’ into your heart, a little 


116 


When He Found Himself 


stronger all the time, until you can’t think of 
each other without your heart goin’ pit-a-pat. 
Then after the word is spoken you can’t be nigh 
each other but what it sets your heart a heatin’ 
and the whole feelin’ is in your eyes. After 
you’re married — why girl, when you love that 
away — it’s — it’s just a man’s and woman’s 
heaven. After you live together, of course, your 
heart gits calmer, but your love don’t. And 
then — when you know a little one is nestled be- 
neath your breast and when you are a mother 
— you know — you’ve found your life’s work. 
Oh, it’s wonderful, it is.” Katie sighed, and 
sank into a low rocker by the window. She saw 
so plainly the days that used to be. The little 
cottage home with snow white curtains, a cradle 
that she rocked as she passed from table to cup- 
board, — and a man coming home. Tears crept 
over her cheeks as she dreamed on. 

Susie waited silently. 

Presently Katie wiped her eyes and went on. 
‘^And as I was sayin’ when one gits married you 
got to learn to pull double. It’s jest like a team 
of horses. Some pull together and some won’t. 
It’s all in the mating, and I’ve got sense enough 
to know that lady won’t pull double. Mr. Ful- 
ler will have to do all the pullin’ and no man will 
do that alone very long.” 


When He Found Himself 


117 


‘'Katie Fve always wanted a home of my 
own — have always lived and planned for the 
day when I would meet my husband. And I 
wonder why it is that girls who really want « 
home and children, have to go through life wait- 
ing so long, often never finding the right one. 
And so many, many girls marry and live wretch- 
edly.’’ 

“ ’Tis many a person that never knows a 
home, and phwat that word can mean. It is 
a beautiful word — Home. Shure a man and 
wife and a house can’t be after a makin’ a home. 
It can’t be made out of material things. ’Tis 
trust and love put with respect, and ideals mixed 
together. And all of these must be echoed in 
the sweet happy voices of children. ’Tis such, 
that home is made of.” 

Their conversation was suddenly closed by 
the sound of Sylvia’s voice in the dining room. 
Confident of her charms she came buoyantly 
down for the evening. Guy, reassured that 
Sylvia’s prolonged stay was prompted by her 
sorrow at leaving him, was so happy. She was 
surprised and annoyed on finding him in bed. 
Now she dared not worry him or arouse any 
suspicion. 

Her quiet pensive mood pleased him. His 
eagerness vexed her. Sylvia Nichols might have 


118 


When He Found Himself 


murmured in her heart, ''I have not stolen, I 
have not killed/’ Yet as she bent over her em- 
broidery by his bedside, she was stealing his 
reputation and killing her faith in him. Losing 
faith in man is losing faith in God. 

* * jK * 

Sylvia intended going back to Mrs. May- 
nard’s but Fate intervened. A heavy storm 
sprung up and she was forced to spend the night 
in the Harrington home. 

'Tut me near Guy so if Miss Porter needs 
any assistance I can help her,” she assumed an 
anxious manner. 

"She may have my room. I shall remain by 
Mr. Fuller’s side all night,” Miss Porter told 
Mrs. Harrington. 

The storm raged without. Sylvia brushed 
her long dark hair over her shoulders, as she 
stood before the big mirror. Wet leaves beat 
against the window and ugly lightning flashed 
across the sky. She shivered and trembled. Her 
face was unusually white and her eyes dark 
when Katie bustled in to prepare her bed. She 
stopped short at the sight of the face before her. 

"Phwat’s the matter now?” she blurted. 

"Oh, it’s the storm — this horrid storm.” 

"Well I be,” Katie grunted shaking the sheet 


When He Found Himself 


119 


vigorously. '‘How can you be afraid of the 
storm ? Don’t you know ’tis the good Lord who 
sends ’em, and you are jest as safe in ’em as 
when the sun is shining.” 

“A storm makes me sad, and brings gloomy 
thots.” 

Katie looked at her from the corners of her 
eyes — " ’Tis evil that is afraid of evil and good 
loves good.” 

"What do you mean?” Sylvia flashed. 

"I don’t mean nothin’. But when the storm 
is after a clearin’ we see the damage it’s done,” 
and with her spluttering candle hastily left the 
room. Sorry for letting her tongue get the best 
of her, she returned and opened the door. "If 
you are afraid. I’ll be stayin’ with you.” 

"I prefer to be alone.” 

The door banged and Katie, candle high 
above her head went muttering down the hall. 

"That old woman makes me nervous.” 

The lightning illuminated the sky again, and 
again, and seemed to enter the room. Sylvia ran 
to the window and lowered the shade. She stood 
with her hands over her ears, until her eyes fell 
upon a paper on the stand in front of her. An 
attractive picture held her attention. Then she 

read, "Dear Guy ” She shook the paper, 

rubbed her eyes, and scanned it again. Her long 


120 


When He Found Himself 


fingers pressed her forehead and grasped her 
hair. '‘A woman and child !” Instantly the pic- 
ture before her grew larger, and the woman’s 
hair turned to golden, and the child’s deep eyes 
were like — “Oh, God,” she murmured, “is that 
his child?” 

Sylvia sank into a chair, her tightened hands 
lay in her lap. “What that hideous gypsy has 
said is true ! That is the woman who was with 
him ! Oh, Guy, Guy,” she sobbed over and over. 
“Oh why did I, did 1 have to know of this? I 
want him! I want him! No one has a better 
right to him than I have.” Her proud, bent form 
made a pitiful picture. 

Across the hall Guy’s feverish head lay on a 
lavender scented pillow. He sought sleep, recall- 
ing visions of her — his future wife, beautiful 
and forceful, as he had seen her so many times 
during the past year, holding her place in so- 
ciety. 

Holding one’s place in society is a simple art, 
compared to holding onto one’s self. The latter 
is a charm few possess. 

Sylvia sobbed until the bitterness 'seemed 
lifted a little from her heart and she felt her 
self-control slipping back. Lena’s words came 
to her again, “Oh, The Moon Lady is beautiful 
tonight !” What a simpleton I am. I shall bury 


When He Found Himself 


121 


all concerning this woman in my heart. Only 
little Lena knows I know, and I will hold him 
as I always have by my beauty. We will be 
married as soon as he is able to come to Spring- 
field. Then — come what may, he is mine.” 

The storm outside lowered, Sylvia ready for 
sleep turned out the light, raised the shade and 
looked out over the village. Lights glimmered 
from various windows, night birds were calling 
and the wet air had an earthy smell. 

Above the church steeple, a bright star shone 
out suddenly. It brought her courage, and she 
murmured — 'T will win him. I will stake my 
ability to hold him against a world of women.” 
And assured she extinguished the feeble light of 
the candle by her bed and fell asleep. 

Susie in the adjoining room saw the same 
star. “God,” she whispered, “help me to live a 
sweet pure life and lead me to my ideal so I may 
have a husband, home and children, in Thy 
name.” 

While Lena slipped out in the yard a moment 
to enjoy the sweetness of the storm, and as the 
leaves gently shed their joyous tears on her un- 
covered head, the girl's heart pleaded — “Father 
give me strength to help right the wrong, and do 
good to those I come in contact with. Help me 
to do things worth while. Help me to be as free 


122 


When He Found Himself 


as the sunshine — as sweet as the roses and as 
pure as the dewdrops \” 

Does the bended knee and bowed head make 
our prayers more acceptable to our Father? God 
answers, not the pleadings of our murmuring 
lips but the sobs of our torn, crying hearts. 
Every heart-throb of our soul reaches him and 
the answer he sends us, depends on the faith 
with which we wait for his reply. 

Sunday morning the sun looked on Samsoun 
through a misty veil which gradually grew thin- 
ner and disappeared. The world wore her rich 
livery, October had designed. From twigs and 
vines, dew-diamonded spider webs glistened and 
shimmered, the goldenrod bowed its head bash- 
fully, and the leaves, autumn had painted, were 
scattered carelessly over lawns and roadside. 
There, a naked tree leaned against the blue sky 
— here another still wore its summer dress, and 
over south a grove of brilliant hue seemed the 
worshiping place for all the birds. 

Each season in its turn is beautiful, but 
autumn is the time when each of nature's chil- 
dren wears a different gown and speaks a dif- 
ferent language. Yet they mmgle together, and 
there is no strain or discord. It's God's world. 
Man mars His world because he tries to mix 


When He Found Himself 


123 


His colors and play His music without instruc- 
tion. 

After the bell had called the little village to 
worship Zarvis wended her way to Harringtons 
in hopes of seeing Guy, but Katie saw her first. 

‘^Shure and be off with yourself. ’Tis no 
one here wishes bad luck that you be after a 
givin’. It’s sin enough you’re after a doin’ I’m 
a thinkin’, breakin’ the Lord’s day, without cast- 
in’ poor luck around.” 

Sylvia entered the side porch with an arm- 
ful of purple asters, in time to hear Katie’s sharp 
retort. ''Are you a prophetess,” she asked of 
the gaudy woman?” 

"I can tell ye many things. Things of de 
future. Yer life is full of mysteries.” 

Sylvia’s proud face showed a definite pur- 
pose. She shivered and motioned Zarvis to a 
corner of the portico. After giving the flowers 
to Katie, she followed, and sat uneasily in a 
wicker chair. Katie, her mouth opened wide, 
watched a second, then stalked into the kitchen. 

Well I be! Well I be! Go away, I say, go 
away! ’Tis Satan that’s a rulin’ this town, 
shure as I’m livin’. It’s time honest folks were 
a movin’ out. That varmint on our porch, that 
snaky woman in our house, and the devil in 


124 


When He Found Himself 


both of 'em. Am I going crazy ! Don't talk to 
me ! Go way I say, go way ! 

To Sylvia, Queen Zarvis was saying, '^And 
he haas a cross to bear." 

'‘He — whom do you mean ?" 

"He — your lover. Hees load is heavy, he 
haas a cross." 

"What do you mean? What is his cross?" 
bending forward anxiously. 

"Sometimes it is a cross — love. Perhaps it 
is love," Her quick eye followed Sylvia's face 
closely. When Zarvis wished, she could weave 
a weird, shadowy net and draw man or woman 
into it. And somehow the future lay mysteri- 
ously before her eyes. 

"Lady, my life has not always been along 
the dusty road, with such as those. I uster sit 
in rooms where bright lights gleamed, where 
voices rose and fell with laughter, growing 
louder as the dawn approached. I drank with 
women of wealth, talked with artists of the 
brush and pen, — danced with — Ah, I must 
say no more. Zarvis she know." Hastily drop- 
ping back into her Gypsy speech. "But I know, 
ye see. I know, — ye are one from 'em. Don't 
ye mind me," seeing Sylvia's startled, puzzled 
look. 


When He Found Himself 


125 


“There be three woman who play together. 
I say no more.'’ 

“You must go on. You must tell me." 

“No, no," Zarvis whined, rising to go. 

Sylvia drew out her purse. Tapping it she 
said — “Fll make it all right." 

The gypsy sat down again. “One woman 
haas brown hair, one haas light almost red, and 
one veery dark. All love. One loves, one haas 
loved, one will love. On one is — but I can say 
no more — will say no more." And Sylvia could 
not persuade her until she had paid her, her 
price. Then the haggard face grew hideous. 
The eyes looked long and deep, bending her body 
and shaking her crooked forefinger she mut- 
tered — 

“On one is ze curse. Ze curse of — of jeal- 
ousy." 

Going back to her people, Zarvis deep in thot, 
walked stumbling along, trying to recall where 
she had seen Sylvia’s face. That face — that 
classic face was as familiar as her own. She sat 
down by the side of the road and went over the 
years of her former life. Somewhere she had 
seen that woman — indeed there were very few 


126 


When He Found Himself 


such faces. Suddenly she jumped to her feet 
— ‘‘I believe I know now — It must be her 

* * * 

With a great effort Sylvia retained a cheer- 
ful, carefree attitude during the remainder of 
the morning, and when time for “Goodbye’’, 
came she was quiet and even tender. Guy felt, 
it was because of leaving him and he urged her 
to come back soon. The automobile waiting in 
front for her carried her down the road around 
the corner and Guy watching from the window, 
caught a glimpse of a fluttering handkerchief 
and a waving hand. 

And so Queen Zarvis left the seed in Sam- 
soun and Dame Gossip scattered and cultivated 
it until it grew into a fine story. And Fate did 
a queer trick by keeping the story away from 
Susie and Harringtons. Katie with her “ear 
to the ground” heard it, but for her own reasons 
kept silent and Lena and Katie had many a 
nightly conference. 


CHAPTER NINE 


Not only here, but wherever man and woman dwell — ^jeal- 
ousy paints with blackest dye — suspicion kills trust — and God 
is placed so high in the heavens that very few can reach him. 
But such do not make my world, I live with flowers, sunshine, 
music and children — where these are, God is. 


Life is a game. A game in which we all play 
a part, and if we are poor players, we will be 
losers. Only those who stick till the end, win. 
Those of us who try to win by our own strength 
fail. We must cling to that unseen hand, listen 
to that peaceful voice pleading to us above the 
storm and strife, and have faith in our heavenly 
Father who alone can give us power to throw 
our dice and win this ''Game of Life’’. 

'Tis only faith we need. For, whatsoever 
thou wilt ask of God, God will give it to Thee. 
How simple are the rules of this game — having 
faith, and asking for strength, will get us to the 
goal. 

So when Queen Zarvis made her tour of the 
town it seemed the tide turned, and Guy all 
unaware drifted out into mid-sea and lost him- 
self, but did not know of his danger. And Susie 
walking along the shore slipped and struggled 
( 127 ) 


128 


When He Found Himself 


o’er the mossy stones. While certain families 
of the village stood on the high bank calmly 
looking on, leaving the scene only to attend the 
church on the hillside, where they offered thanks 
that they themselves were on high and dry land. 
And some stood in the choir and sang “Help 
Somebody Today,” and “Throw out the Life 
Line,” while an older brother bowed his bald 
head and prayed that sinners outside might be 
saved — brother and sister taught Sunday- 
school classes side by side and went there to the 
little church every Sunday searching for God. 

But, oh foolish ones, will people ever learn 
that if they can not find God in the beautiful 
nature all about them — in the trees, flowers and 
sunshine — that they are passing Him by un- 
recognized each hour. And will they ever learn 
to look for Him in the most beautiful temple of 
all — The Holy Temple, — a human soul. 

How many, many sacred shrines do they pass 
by daily, never seeing them, because in their 
search for God they are looking heaven-ward. 
God is not above the blue sky looking down on us. 
He is in every human soul, in all of nature. Some 
say that in this world there are many people 
who never go to church, nor read the Bible, and 
claim there is no God. All these they class as 
infidels. But find, if you can in this world, a 


When He Found Himself 129 

man who does not have hidden away in his heart 
a little spark of love for some one or something. 
It may be for a child, for flowers or some animal 
— no man may ever know of this love, but it is 
there. And while that spark of love is there, 
class him as an infidel, if you dare — for in him 
there is love — and God is love. 

Sylvia Nichols left, and Lena LaPaige, a 
slender, sunny-haired girl entered the Harring- 
ton home, bringing with her, joy and ideal com- 
panionship. Fitting right in, calling them 
Mother and Daddy — going with the lilt of a 
song on her lips — coming with a throng of 
happy children, pulling on her coat, quarreling 
who should walk next her. At the door she 
would stoop to kiss the two little boys who were 
always her escorts — Brady Albery and Clar- 
ence Heischman. '‘My children are getting so 
big,’’ she would say, and then off they would run, 
with smiling faces. Then there was Florence 
Weed, Helen Handley, Annabel and little Vir* 
ginia and thirty more who were her children. 

There was just loads of things that light- 
hearted Lena loved to do. She was so busy from 
morning till night. "But the red hair ain’t for 
nothn’ ” — Katie would laugh, when Lena would 
become indignant at some trivial happenings, and 
would stamp her foot and run upstairs. 


9 


130 


When He Found Himself 


She confided all her troubles to Katie. To 
see her perched on a high stool about five o’clock, 
munching a cookie was an usual sight in the 
Harrington kitchen. Katie couldn’t help it she 
said. 'T like the girl. Bless the lamb. She loves 
everybody and I’m afraid she’s going to be after 
a feelin’ a jar with some of these here two-faced 
critters. She trusts everybody so. It’s the sad 
part in life, when a young heart full of faith in 
all mankind, finds that some of these here God- 
praising saints are workin’ on old Satan’s hire. 
Some of these days the wires will be after a 
gettin’ crossed and when some good honest 
neighbor goes to the phone to talk, he’ll hear 
some fine things goin’ over Satan’s private line,” 
Katie would declaim. 

And then Mrs. Harrington would respond 
quietly — ''Oh Katie, I hope not. I hope Susie 
and Lena will both leave us as they came — 
happy, and in love with our little town.” 

So it happened after school hours, Guy looked 
forward to having Susie read to him. Thursday 
evening after Sylvia’s departure they were deep 
in the story of "The Boy Knight,” when Lena 
slipped her sweater from the hall rack and stole 
out the back way, down over the hill and around 
the bend where the Gypsies camped. 

A mulatta-faced man arose as she ap- 


When He Found FIimself 


131 


proached the fire, from which came a greasy 
odor. 

“Is the lady here, who has been visiting Sam- 
soun?” Lena asked. 

“What do you want of her,” he grinned 
boldly. 

“Is she here? If so, I want to speak to her.” 

“Little missy is determined, eh? Lll call her 
after while,” he grinned again and came closer. 

Lena straightened, her eyes flashed and she 
started to walk past him. Several women had 
been watching her approach and one came for- 
ward. 

“It's Queen Zarvis I want to see,” Lena pro- 
tested when the palaverer begged to tell her for- 
tune. 

Just then Queen Zarvis peeked out from be- 
hind a soiled curtain, and hearing her name, de- 
scended the wagon steps. 

“Back you dogs, she cried to the man and 
woman. Back vou scoundrels ! How dare 
you!” 

“I am tired,” Lena said. “Let us go yonder in 
the shade and talk,” and she led the way through 
an open gate to the shade of a hedge so passers- 
by could not see them. 

'Wou were at the hotel Saturday afternoon, 
weren't you ?” 


132 


When He Found Himself 


‘Waas. Do you wish Zarvis to tell ye of de 
future?’’ 

“I want to talk with you.” 

'‘It is my business — telling of de future.” 

"Well how can you tell me unless you talk 
to me. You will gain a whole lot by listening, 
and if you do as I say, you will not be sorry.” 

The gypsy picked up her ears at this. "How 
does Zarvis know?” 

"Sit down and listen to me. What do you 
know about this man, Mr. Fuller, who was in- 
jured?” 

Zarvis glanced at Lena and assumed a know- 
ing air. "I know lots. It is full of mysteries.” 

"I know all you told Mrs. Maynard. Now 
is that guess work or did you really see him?*’ 

The queen’s eyes darkened. "Missy is im- 
pudent. Why does she not believe? Zarvis holds 
all in her heart, no one will know beside her.” 
Rising she added, "Me palm must be crossed 
with silver before I unlock ze door of ze mys- 
teries.” 

"Oh, sit down Queenie,” Lena said calmly 
and placing her feet squarely on the ground 
folded her hands around her knees. "Sit down 
I say. I know just about as much concerning 
this business as Queen Zarvis. Let’s work to- 


When He Found Himself 


133 


gether. You can pull the money side of it but 1 
want facts/’ 

Zarvis sat down again, facing Lena. Some- 
thing in the girl’s manner assured her that it 
might be worth while. 

'‘You tell me facts in the case concerning Mr. 
Fuller. Remember I want nothing but facts, and 
I’ll tell you a story with which you can make 
good. Say .” 

“How much do ye say I can git from it?” 
— anxiously. 

“That will depend on you. How you handle 
the story. But mind, your source of informa- 
tion must be kept mum, to everyone. Do you 
hear?” 

“Zarvis she know. She used to de gypsy 
trial.” ; 

“Tell me all concerning Mr. Fuller — then 
I’ll lay the other story before you. We must 
hurry, for if I am missed up at the house — 
woe be unto me. And listen Zarvis, no one must 
ever know of this parley of ours.” 

“No, no. When I promise, I keep me word 
unto death. Zarvis has had a sad experience. I 
know by yer face missy, yer heart is good.” 

“Is the story you told at the hotel all true? 
Is it exactly as you saw it?” 


134 


When He Found Himself 


‘'Eggsactly/' 

“Where did you see Mr. Fuller?'' 

“Near ze town, Summit. Only farther on." 

Lena questioned her closely and drew many 
facts from her. “Now let's get at Sylvia." 
“Who?" 

“Miss Nichols, the lady he is going to marry. 
You talked with her Sunday morning." 

“Is that her name? Yes, that is her ! I know 
her ! I know her now !" the queen cried. 

Lena was startled — not only because of what 
Zarvis said, but the way she said it — she had 
dropped her gypsy lingo. Here was another cue, 

“Why missy," — Lena's astonished expression 
drove her back to her quaint speech again, “do 
ye, wish to know of her? Is it to help her? I 
will do nothing if it is." 

“No indeed. It is to help right a wrong that 
I see. Mr. Fuller is being deceived and mis- 
trusted. Miss Nichols is untrue to him. Now 
play fair and help me. You know Miss Nichols, 
I know you do." 

Zarvis dropped her head and seemed to be 
thinking. Lena rose and touched her shoulder. 
“Don't try to hide it. Tell me — you have not al- 
ways lived this way. Your speech, your hands, 
your face tell of better days." 


When He Found Himself 


135 


‘'Sh, sh, see that they are not listening/’ 
pointing to the wagons. 

Lena peeked over the hedge. '‘No. the coast 
is clear. Hurry — the time is going.” 

“To tell ye about her, Zarvis must tell ze 
about herself. Oh, I can not. How can I?” 

“Oh, Queenie drop that gypsy talk. Go back 
to your former days and tell as you would then. 
Your secret is as safe with me as with the birds 
yonder.” 

And looking up into her fair face Zarvis 
trusted and began. 

“Years ago child I was considered a beauti- 
ful woman. A southern beauty and over the 
blue grass regions of my father’s estate, I rode 
his thoroughbreds and reigned the community 
queen. 

“One day a handsome man wended his way 
into our house and into my father’s heart. He 
was a city dude, a sport. I was full of life, dar- 
ing adventurous. I did not fall in love with him 
but with his life, his way of living. Down in a 
shady grove one day, we were resting after a 
hard ride. He taught me how to play the stake 
and win. In a week I was putting up first twenty- 
five dollars, then fifty, and before a year was 
over, five hundred, and a thousand dollars for 
the horse races. I usually won. Now mind, my 


136 


When He Found Himself 


father never knew of this, it would have killed 
him. My name became linked with this man's, 
until the country-side considered us engaged. 

''My father died suddenly. I thot I would 
now be wealthy, but what a shock, what a cruel 
thing! This man, had twirled father around his 
little finger and pretended to invest his money, 
when he really was gambling it away. And I — 
I didn't even own the roof over my head. All 
that was left after affairs were straightened was 
a little cottage in the north, worth about eight 
hundred dollars. 

"And then. Ah child, then I went down to 
the gates of hell !" Her form shook with grief 
and rage. "I would not stoop so low as to marry 
this man. Oh, no! I would not marry a man 
I did not love — but God, I went lower — I went 
to Philadelphia with him — gambled to make a 
living and^ — and — later lived with him. Just as 
we had massed quite a fortune — but I am for- 
getting Miss Nichols — here is where she comes 
in. One night Senator Rudwick — for we passed 
as man and wife and were personally acquainted 
with all the high state officials — we were in the 
high society, yes high society, Ha, ha." and she 
laughed bitterly. "It is the society where high 
bugs reign, state and nation men meet, and 


When He Found Himself 


137 


drink together. And they are high — yes, high in 
their own power — but rotten — to the core. 

“Was I ashamed of the way we lived, no. 
Well, on this night Rudwick gave a dinner and 
we were invited. Across the table sat Warren 
Black, the wealthy manufacturer of Columbus, 
who for years passed Lalah Jennings as his wife. 
There was divorced Gov. Blisson and his latest 
belle — Sylvia Nichols, and on my other side sat 
the judge whom we had just bribed with one 
thousand dollars so we would not have to pay our 
income tax. Ha, ha! Flow easy to hoodwink 
federal authorities.” 

Lena sat motionless. She saw the picture 
Zarvis was painting, and knew it was real. 

“And when the last course was served and 
our eyes and minds were sparkling from the wine, 
some one said — ‘What does the future hold for 
all of us?’ another cried ‘What do we care?’ 
But a third exclaimed, ‘Who can tell our for- 
tunes, isn’t there some one in the crowd?’ A man 
who had long been my admirer, jumped up and 
came behind my chair, cried — ‘Here she is, our 
beautiful Angilina, is charming as a fortune 
teller.’ 

“Girl, I was beautiful. I stopped and held 
men, — made them come and go at my call. 


138 


When He Found Himself 


“So they made a throne on the table. 
Draped it with the dark silk curtains of the 
doors and placed me on it. While men fawned 
at my feet and women looked enviously on, each 
in turn had their fortune told. I was nervous 
with excitement — my tongue was witty and quick. 
Peal after peal of laughter came from the crowd 
around the table. I had often played the game 
at various functions. It was fun. 

“Finally Gov. Blisson’s turn came. ‘Make it 
mysterious — hair raising’, he whispered. 

“Jokingly I took his hand. He was one of 
my most ardent suitors. 

“I looked into his palm a minute, then ex- 
claimed — ‘You love a woman very deeply’. 
Everyone laughed. ‘But beware of her’. I pre- 
tended to be deeply concerned. Leave her alone 
— she is jealous hearted and if aroused to ire, 
will do you harm. She might even attempt to 
take your life’. And so I went on. 

“But girl — Oh girl — ” and the gypsy’s form 
bent, her head dropped — “in two days Gov. 
Blisson — was murdered.” 

“The man I lived with, and I were accused 
of the murder. He left me taking all the money. 
I was wild, frantic, and disguised as a poor 
woman I wandered until I hit the gypsy trail. 
No one knows where I am — perhaps they have 


When He Found Himself 


139 


forgotten me. Three years afterward, the man 
who murdered the Governor confessed on his 
death bed. 

^'Then why didn’t you return and begin life 
over again ? Why keep on living this way, when 
you could do so much ? You have ability and — 

'‘Ah, child you do not know how it is to be 
down in the gutter and try to arise again. I 
have tried it and everytime people mistrust and 
must know the past before they can believe in 
me. I have lost ambition and do not care to try 
again. What is that, they say, about a bird 
with a broken wing?” 

Lena’s eyes were big and dark. “Oh, Zar- 
vis,” she sobbed, “they say, 'A bird with a broken 
pinion can never soar so high again’, but that is 
only in the eyes of men — God never thwarts the 
flight of souls that wish to rise to Him.” 

“But the past rises so big and high before 
me, everytime I think of beginning again. I 
haven’t the courage to push it away and go be- 
yond it.” 

“Let the past be a fortress behind you, which 
will give you strength for the future as nothing 
else can. Zarvis — here you are following the 
gypsy trail, because you have once lived with 
another man. Yet, over there in Samsoun, lives 
a married man with his family, who is so low 


140 


When He Found Himself 


morally, his own relatives aren’t safe in the 
house with him. But he is one of Samsoun’s 
gods. He covers his sins, when he bows his 
bald head in prayer yonder in that church — and 
his family, yes, he and his family suspect and 
paint every young girl they don’t like with dye of 
the deepest hue.” 

'^Again, down the road there is a noted saint 
who lifts his tall form to God and says, 'Here I 
am. Take me — take me’. While to Saint Peter 
guarding the gates of Heaven he calls out — 
'Don’t let those young girls and young men in, 
they haven’t lived as they should’. Zarvis I 
know I’m a sinner too, but I don’t want to hold 
anybody else down with me. Come, start over 
again !” 

"Who will help me, child?” 

"I will. And I know of a Doctor who has 
given up doctoring bodies and now spends all 
his time in bringing souls back to life. He shall 
help you — Oh Zarvis — tell me, will you promise 
to try?” 

The tired, drawn face looked up to the girl 
and the grimy hands reached out. This was the 
first love the woman had felt for years. The 
fair face and white hands seemed a little bit of 
heaven floating down to her. Then she quickly 
started back, realizing she had no right to touch 


When He Found Himself 


141 


that little bit of heaven. But Lena clasped the 
grimy hand firmly in her own. Tears fell over 
the sullied cheeks. 

^'Show me the way — and I will try my best 
to follow.” They stood there for a moment, the 
sun had long gone down, and shadows were 
deepening. 

''But I haven’t played fair,” Lena cried, "I 
haven’t told you my story.” 

"Child, I do not wish for it. You have given 
me something more than a story — you have given 
me hope, faith and love. But I have not finished 
telling about Miss Nichols — there is more you 
should know.” 

"Oh, I must go, it is late. I shall have a hard 
time now evading questions.” 

"Just a minute, it is this — Sylvia Nichols had 
played her cards well and was deeply in love with 
Gov. Blisson. So when it became known that he 
had been murdered — Miss Nichols, thinking of 
what I had jokingly said at the table, pronounced 
me as murderess. 

"The Governor’s death sobered her some- 
what and she led a different life. I kept watch 
of her for over a year. But girl, she is not 
worthy of any good, home-loving iman. She 
v/ould soon ruin him.” 

"What can we do?’! 


142 


When He Found Himself 


‘'You must wake him up, and help him to find 
himself.” 

"Listen, it is getting late. Fll go back to Har- 
ringtons and write out directions for you to reach 
this Doctor, and give you my address. In the 
meantime, you scribble a few lines telling me how 
I can reach you — see? And I’ll meet you yonder 
at the bridge at 9:30 tonight. Anything else you 
may think of — write. You’ll do it, wont you — ?” 

Lena looked at the form before her — gone, 
was the g}^psy robe, the tawdy jewelry — now she 
saw a woman, a soul yearning for trust and love, 
a woman who could do much if she wished. 

"Yes, yes, at 9:30 I’ll meet you there,” Zar- 
vis gasped. Lena gave the rough hand a warm 
squeeze and started. 

"You will come — won’t you? Don’t go back 
on me now — please don’t forget me,” the woman 
pleaded. 

"Don’t fear — have all the faith you can, and 
that will bring you nearer the right road — nearer 
Him,” pointing toward the Heavens. "I’ll be 
there, — Good-bye Zarvis.” 

"Good-bye — ?” 

"Lena” — the girl answered. 

"No, — no — my Twilight, I shall call you.” 

Through tears Lena walked unsteadily back 
to Samsoun. It was dark when she entei'ed the 


When He Found Himself 


143 


house. The family was already at the supper 
table. 

‘‘Where’s Lena been?” called a chorus of 
voices. 

“Everywhere and nowhere,” throwing her 
sweater, and as she wiped her hands on the big 
kitchen towel, she winked wickedly at Katie and 
gave her a big hug. In the dining room she was 
quiet, and very lady-like. 

“Mr. Conner said he saw you going toward 
the gypsy camp,” Daddy asserted. 

“Well Mr. Connor hasn’t a copyright on that 
road, has he?” Everyone laughed, then Mrs. 
Harrington spoke half questioningly and half 
admonishingly — “Lena didn’t go near the gypsies 
alone, did she ?” 

Lena hated to be treated like a child, but she 
tried hard not to show it. “Gravy, no,” she an- 
swered. “I wanted to get some seeds down along 
the road, so I could grow flowers next spring.^’ 

“What kind?” Mr. Fuller asked. She 
amused him. He liked her immensely. 

“I went for brown betties, but found wild 
forget-me-nots instead.” 

At 9:30 Lena was waiting timidly at the 
bridge. A machine whizzed by and Lena hid in 
the tall w'eeds. Would Zarvis come ! Her heart 


144 


When He Found Himself 


beat fast. Finally Lena saw her coming cau- 
tiously along. 

''Zarvis/’ she whispered. 

There in the dark two souls met, and each 
clasped the other’s note in their hand. “You will 
not go back now — you won’t change your mind, 
Zarvis, say you won’t. It will be hard perhaps, 
but please stick to the right,” Lena pleaded. 
“And when times seem hard — my letter will tell 
you what to do.” 

“Twilight, my Twilight, as a token that I am 
sincere and how I appreciate you — take this 
emerald bead — and wear it always. It is a gen- 
uine stone, one from my dear mother’s necklace 
— she was fair, as you are.” 

“Oh, it is too much to give me — !” 

“Take it my Twilight, it will make me — al- 
most happy.” 

“And as a symbol that I shall never forget 
you — no, never forsake you, Zarvis,” she placed 
her hands on the woman’s shoulders and pulled 
her down and placed a kiss on her worn brow. 

Later in her room Lena was bending over a 
soiled note signed Angilina Morehouse. 

And sitting alone by a smoky lamp in her 
wagon the weary woman read and re-read a part, 
with wet eyes. 


When He Found Himself 


145 


Zarvis — our lives are pictures painted by our- 
selves with God as instructor guiding our un- 
skilled hands. And when times are hard and 
people seem against you, remember that Heaven 


is within you. 


Lena LaPaige. 


The weeks went by — November came. Guy 
remarked one morning, ‘T never saw the days go 
so quickly.’’ To himself he was saying — 'T won- 
der why I don’t miss Sylvia more. I thot I 
would.” At noon he watched for Susie and Lena, 
they were always happy and had so many funny 
things to relate. 

The second week in November, Miss Porter 
was called away by her father’s death and Katie 
declared no more nurses were needed. So Katie 
had her way, and the entire household looked 
after Guy. When evening came Susie read to 
him or took her sewing and sat before the fire- 
place with him. For some reason unknown to 
everyone, Lena seemed to prefer her own com- 
pany and spent the evenings in her room. Only 
on rare occasions joining Susie and Guy. 

Now he was able to take short walks and it 
fell to Susie to accompany him. As Guy grew 
stronger the walks grew longer, and one Satur- 
10 


146 


When He Found Himself 


day afternoon they ventured to the edge of a 
near woods and brought back a basket of nuts. 
Ideal friendship prevailed. They talked of 
Sylvia, of current military happenings — in fact 
anything and everything. 

They were like two children who never quar- 
reled. Guy’s form straightened and he looked 
boyish in his grey woolen sport suit, as he gaily 
made an autumn wreath and placed it on Susie’s 
brown cap. As they sat to rest on the edge of a 
flat boulder, Guy said, ''Gee, I wish I were about 
thirteen and could come to your school.” 

Susie clapped her hands. "I’d go this way, if 
you weren’t good.” 

"You love teaching, don’t you?” 

"It is fascinating but sometimes I don’t 
know — . I often wish I could have young girls 
from thirteen to eighteen under my care.” 

"But boys as well as girls need such teachers 
as you. That is the trouble with our schools, we 
haven’t enough real teachers.” 

Susie nodded absently. 

"Why would you want girls?” 

"Well, I suppose I feel I could reach them 
easier than boys. Mr. Fuller have you ever thot 
how parents bring a child into this world, and 
then as it grows out of its babyhood into the 
critical adolescence, they leave the child a wan- 


When He Found Himself 


147 


dering soul to snatch at good and bad alike — too 
weak and young to always choose the better 
things? But sometimes you find a mother who 
has caught the real meaning of life. She sees 
that her duty is to interpret nature to her child, 
— she shows him man. Man — not as a human 
being who is a lover of vices, who deceives and 
betrays — but all humanity as children of God 
who walk in His beautiful country. Everything 
in nature is for man's use. The sun and moon 
shine for him — the seasons come and go. And 
in seeing all of this, the child recognizes the love 
and greatness of His Heavenly Father — and the 
world is God's world." 

''Good mothers are scarce," Guy said softly. 
"Not that they do not love their children, but 
they have the wrong idea of education. Educa- 
tion is not the learning we get from our text- 
books — it is the learning we catch from the world 
as we pass along the trail. I, too have felt as 
you do, especially about boys. Thousands of 
boys drift into the streets each day, learning the 
secrets of sex from vulgar, uncouth street men, 
because they must know these strange mysteries 
that life holds. And why do they get it this way 
— why because mothers are too modest to ex- 
plain and discuss such things, and fathers — well 
I don't know." 


148 


When He Found Himself 


''Oh, mothers are afraid to give their children 
real education!’’ The colored leaves in Susie’s 
cap made he seem an autumn goddess. Her 
ideals, her life was as pure and beautiful as the 
wild life around them. Guy drank the sweetness 
of her ways as she went on — "Girls and boys 
should be taught the meaning of life before they 
are nine years old, their minds should be filled 
with clean ideas concerning sexual life. Girls 
should be taught how to dress. If only more 
girls could see that beauty in dress means mod- 
esty ! 

"And if mothers would only teach their 
daughters to be friends to men. I hate this beau 
idea. A girl can be so sweet and dignified that 
every kind of man will hold her memory sacred. 
How few are the friends that can make each 
other feel they have come to the end of a perfect 
day.” 

"Men highly respect a girl who treats them 
as a friend,” Guy asserted. "We haven’t enough 
ideals in our life. Some of us forget to have 
them, others are ashamed or afraid they will be 
pointed out as different. I have always admired 
the Greeks for their ideals. They have ideals of 
school, home, youth and love, and carry them 
out, as no other nation has done. We have regu- 
lations for all material things, but we have no 


When He Found Himself 


149 


regulations in the purity of man. Man can go as 
far as he wishes — he goes to the darkest depths, 
and still walks beside the sweetest and mingles 
with the purest. 

“No boat can sail in smirky waters and then 
steer into a fresh blue lake without bringing 
some of the smirk with it.” 

“Yes,” Susie said sweetly, “it is the work of 
the pure to throw out the life-line to those in the 
ugly waters. The little smirk can neyer mar the 
fresh lake — it only helps the good to remember, 
there is work for them always in helping the 
weak over the rapids.” 

So the two walked back to Harringtons, each 
feeling the strong, pure friendship that was 
growing between them. But as they walked, idle 
tongues in Samsoun wagged fast, and imagined 
stories soon were whispered as real. One young 
matron declared it perfectly outrageous that the 
school teacher should take up with that man, 
who was engaged to one, and kept another wo- 
man with a child somewhere. 

And there in Samsoun, a quiet spot, away 
from dance hall and places of vice — the older 
people thot it an ideal spot to raise their children 
— but here laid an evil worse than the vices of a 
city for it is the evil that often drives the young 
people to the city and to the bad. The evil — 


150 


When He Found Himself 


gossip. Idle minds conjure fancy tales and 
tongues tell them for the truth. It is such that 
often makes a youth reckless, caring little 
whether he follows the good or bad paths. 

In the evening Susie and Lena were talking 
in Lena’s room when Susie said, '‘Mr. Fuller and 
I had such an interesting afternoon. We have 
the grandest talks when we are together.” 

“What did you talk about?” Lena asked 
lazily. 

“Well, the subject you and I have discussed 
so often. The way young people are trained by 
parents, especially mothers.” 

“What is his idea?” 

“Same as ours. He has such fine opinions.’’ 

“He is a nice man,” Lena tried to be assum- 
ing. “I tell you Susie he is a good, clean man.’ 

“Do you think Miss Nichols really appreciates 
him?” 

“No. She appreciates him as a man or as 
one of the opposite sex — but Sylvia Nichols never 
can or will appreciate him as her husband, the 
father of her children, and the guardian of her 
heart and home.” 

“You didn’t know her before coming here 
did you ? What makes you say such things ?” 

“Oh, that deal of an imp who guards my 
tongue made it wiggle that way !” 


When He Found Himself 


151 


Susie pretended to be busy with her finger- 
nails but had to smile. 

'‘What else did you rovers discuss?” 

"Oh, lots of things. Say, before I forget it, 
Fve been wondering what you think is the best 
way to approach the subject of life — sexual life 
to a child.” 

"Oh, Susie, how I wish I could take my chil- 
dren, put my arms around them and teach them 
the many things their little minds are yearning 
to know. Things parents forget to teach. It is 
something this world must awaken to before our 
future generations are going to be better. Oh, 
Susie, we ought to pray for better mothers. 
Mothers educated in psychology. I tell you, 
psychology ought to be required in every school 
from first grade up.” 

"Don’t forget my question.” 

"Well, this has always been my ideal way. 
Every child loves clean beautiful things — flowers 
are sweet and sacred to him. Teach the child the 
parts of a flower and how seeds are formed, then 
explain to him that human nature is the same as 
flowers — and all animals.” 

"But just how, Lena?” 

The girl waited until a lilting bird finished 
its song, then began. "If I had a little boy, some 
wonderful morning while the dew is still on the 


152 


When He Found Himself 


grass and flowers, I would take him by the hand 
out into the yard among the bright, smiling 
flowers. For I am going to have all kinds and 
loads of them. My children are going to love 
all the out-doors. Out in our flower garden we 
will pick a flower and sit down. I will show him 
the flowers, just beginning to bud, until they are 
open wide, and then show him those that are 
forming seeds. The seeds I will tell him are the 
children of flowers, and next spring when they 
are planted, these seeds will be no longer children 
but papas and mammas of many seeds again. 
All nature grows this way. Then we will analyze 
the flower we have picked. The stamens are the 
male part, the pistil the female — the dust from 
the stamens must fall on the pistil to give the 
seeds life. And so it is with human nature. Oh, 
ril be so happy when I can have my own home.’’ 

“Me too,” Susie echoed. “How I wish 
mothers could tell their children the story your 
way. It is a serious problem that must be faced 
each day.” 

“Just think, a wife and mother makes one of 
her greatest privileges a burden — that of feeding 
and clothing the temple of the soul. How some 
do grumble and grow weary of that task. If 
God ever gives me that privilege I will deem it 
my sacred duty.” 


When He Found Himself 


153 


'‘It isn’t the material things parents give us 
that are valuable. Anyone can give those. The 
people who help us to wake up, are the ones of 
real worth to us,” Susie murmured. 

“I think Miss Sylvia made a wrong move 
when she left Samsoun.” 

“Why?” Susie asked innocently. 

“Oh, she has placed Mr. Fuller near a clover 
field and like all bees, he will fly in, Fm afraid.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well you ignoramus, here it is plain — You 
are the clover field — he is the bee. See?” 

“You foolish, foolish girl,” Susie laughed. 

The days went so quickly, Guy scarcely could 
realize, in another week it would be Thanksgiv- 
ing. “I must go,” he declared to Mrs. Harring- 
ton. 

“No, you are going to stay with us until after 
Thanksgiving. We are going to be together that 
day, for we have lots to be thankful for.” 

And Guy could not refuse. Here he felt a 
different man, he was growing stronger and his 
fair face had a glad free expression that few men 
can hold. But he was still too weak to do any 
kind of work, and the Harrington home was a 
temptation that he could not resist. 

“Do you wish to ask Miss Nichols here for 
Thanksgiving?” Mrs. Harrington asked. 


154 When He Found Himself 

“She will be so busy with her social engage- 
ments, it will be hard for her to come I suppose,'' 
Guy answered and the matter was dropped. Guy 
felt that she did not fit in this household and 
somehow he looked forward to this day of thanks 
as an ideal day. God seems so near, and he 
wanted to really offer thanks. 

It was surprising, Guy thot, how hard it was 
at times to write a letter to Sylvia. He was con- 
scious of wanting to write about Susie — he often 
told of Lena's pranks, and Sylvia enjoyed it. 
Why couldn't he write as freely about Susie. 

Thanksgiving passed, and Guy set the first 
day of December as the time for his departure. 
The evening before he left he and Susie were 
making pop-corn balls in the kitchen. Lena was 
helping and shouts after shouts of laughter burst 
through the half open door. 

“We've used all Mother Harrington's sugar 
and haven't enough. I'll go to the store for 
some," Lena exclaimed and was already pulling 
on Daddy Harrington's grey sweater. 

“You shan't go alone," and Guy grabbed his 
cap and ran after her. 

“Why, I'm not afraid!" 

“Pebbles might roll the other way and not 
come back." 


When He Found Himself 


155 


As they entered the store the nightly inhab- 
itants turned and watched, eager to see some 
move or hear some word from either Guy or 
Lena that would give them room for talk. When 
the door banged after them, one overalled, droop- 
ing mustached man remarked — “Wonder which 
gal he is after now. If he ain’t a leavin’ purty 
soon the gals will be a scrapin’ over him.” Some- 
one else said, “Oh I imagine that Lena LaPaige 
could land him alright, she’s one of them quick, 
lively kind.” 

Going down the street Guy said solemnly, “I 
leave tomorrow.” 

“My how we will miss you,” Lena answered 
in her sincere way. 

“Not any more than I shall miss you, and 
Sister Susie.” 

“Isn’t she a wonderful girl?” 

“She is an ideal friend and companion.” 

“I imagine Miss Nichols will be glad to have 
you in Columbus again.” 

“Yes,” his voice seemed a little weary. 

“She is a beautiful woman,” — Lena went on. 

“She holds her place in society, and many a 
woman envies her,” Guy asserted. 

By the time they had reached the side porch 
Lena’s heart was beating fast and her voice al- 


156 


When He Found Himself 


most trembled. She had purposely lead the con- 
versation to Sylvia and must now act quickly. 

“Mr. Fuller/' she asked, “do you really love 
Miss Nichols?" 

“Love her, why certainly!" 

And he did not think what a peculiar question 
she had asked him until she said meaningly— 
“Prove it then. Where is your key?" 

And before he could question her she had 
opened the door and was jesting with Susie. 


CHAPTER TEN 


We talk too much about the things that are — let us dream 
more of an ideal that could be. 

The big house was quiet Saturday evening 
and at the supper table it was hard to bridge the 
silence. Lena tried her best but the entire house- 
hold felt Guy’s absence. They had all gone to 
Pataskala to see him off and Katie brushed tears 
away as the train pulled out. Dr. Barnes by 
chance boarded the same train and as they were 
flying toward Columbus they had a heart to heart 
talk. 

'^Dr. Barnes,” Guy said, ^T have never lived 
as I have this past month. I grieved greatly 
over my accident at first, but it has been a won- 
derful thing for me. I have been taught many 
things in the ideal home. It has made me a boy 
again. A boy in hope, faith and .” 

''And love ?” the older man concluded. 

"Ah, you seem so wise Doctor. How is it 
you have learned so much?” 

"I am just beginning to learn, my boy. Ex- 
perience has been my teacher.” 

( 157 ) 


158 


When He Found Himself 


‘What are some of the things she has taught 
you ?” 

Barnes thot for a moment, his fingers touched 
a letter in his vest pocket — a letter signed Angil- 
ina Morehouse — then he saw Sylvia not as the 
woman Guy loved, but as Angilina had portrayed 
her, and he answered — 

“Experience has taught me that in life are 
many elements, many things we meet and grasp, 
and the most wonderful of all is — love, and to a 
man that usually means a woman. A man sees 
the world through the woman he loves — through 
her he sees God and man. A woman can make 
or unmake a man. She either leads him straight 
to the Gate, or else he follows her into the by- 
paths. 

“The center of a man’s life is to worship, and 
his throne is his wife. If he has chosen wisely, 
he can find shelter in his throne from all the 
storms and troubles, and he can rest there, when 
weary and worn. But if a man does not listen to 
his own heart of sense — if he neglects to find 
himself, then he will find his throne only a mock- 
ery, and his wife a camouflaged woman. Mr. 
Fuller, God never makes a mistake in mating 
souls, it is man who makes the blunder. These 
divorce cases we read about are man’s make up.” 


When He Found Himself 


159 


“Do you think society people are as a rule 
happy 

“It is according to what you mean by society. 
I don’t believe in dividing people into classes ac- 
cording to their wealth or as we call it — social 
standing — but according to their ideals. Some 
of the wealthiest men and women in every town 
today, indeed those who are now forming the 
high society, are leading lives that are under- 
mining the thrones of fatherhood and mother- 
hood, making their thrones totter — and raising 
children, especially their girls to become sirens.” 

“Every word of what you say is true. I wish 
I were doing an eighth of what you are. An- 
other thing that makes my blood boil is this — 
a man marries — his wife is nothing more than a 
piece of furniture for his use and comfort. She 
bears his children, keeps his house and when she 
dies of overwork as many do, he brushes a few 
tears away and mourns as he would over the loss 
of a faithful servant. He follows her to the 
grave and in a few months begins primping and 
smiling at another woman. I guess very few of 
us have a divine purpose,” Guy lamented. 

“If we would only look into a looking glass 
and see what is reflected — see ourselves as we 
really are. When we die, will the world be any 
better for our sojourn here? We are such big 


160 


When He Found Himself 


husks with little, moldy grains on the inside,” 
The doctor sighed. 'Wet my heart goes out to 
every person I know. I love all — but don’t like 
some of their ways.” 

"This is a wonderful world — it never seemed 
so big and great to me as it does now, and I 
never felt so small and useless, yet I have a part 
to play and I am anxious to begin,” Guy stretched 
his left arm and pounded Barnes’ knee gently. 
"It is getting strong again.” 

"How about your forehead?” 

"It has healed nicely, but no mental work for 
me for two months anyway. Doc said.” 

The train snorted into Columbus. The two 
men exchanged cards, and Dr. Barnes holding 
Guy’s hand in his said — "I want to see you often, 
and remember, hold on to Guy — don’t forget to 
know yourself.” 

The Land Turtle newly painted, with An- 
drew Jackson Washington by its side, was wait- 
ing in front of Union Station for Guy. Andrew 
was overjoyed to see Guy back again and his 
honest black face shone as he excitedly helped 
him into the car, with bag and baggage. 

"Now you alls don’t look as if yous bin so 
smashed up.” 

"No, nor the Land Turtle either Andrew. I 


When He Found Himself 161 

knew you could make it look like new so I sent 
it in to you” 

Andrew swelled with pride. ''Welcom’ home 
boss, welcome home. I had me oV woman go up 
and clean yous apartment.'’ 

Guy leaned back in the comfortable seat. 
''Andy, Fve been in fairyland I guess. And 
these rooms are no longer a home to me. In a 
way I hated to come back.” 

The Land Turtle gently rolled out and down 
the street and the driver half turned and diffi- 
dently advised, "Boss, Td like to see you alls 
happy. Why don’t yous and Miss Nichols settle 
down soon. I’se tell yous, der is nuthin’ like a 
home, and me and Minnie were jest like you alls, 
kept puttin’ it off.” 


♦ ♦ * >|e 

The days soon became busy ones for Guy. 
December found him traveling over Ohio doing 
light work for the Oil Company, and spending 
the week-ends with Sylvia. 

One Sunday night in the middle of December, 
she startled him by suddenly saying — "Let’s be 
married soon.” 

He had said the same to her many times, but 
now when she proposed it — for some reason or 
other he wasn’t so anxious. 


11 


162 


When He Found Himself 


''Shall we set a date ?” she asked. 

Guy looked into the fire a long time and -then 
said slowly — "Don’t you think we had better wait 
until the Christmas season is over. I am so busy 
now and you are, too.” 

"If you don’t wish to set a date now you must 
promise me one thing.” 

"What is that?” 

"That you will approve of me giving a Christ- 
mas ball in honor of your first appearance back 
into our world again.” 

Guy looked over the room, handsomely fur- 
nished, with its soft draperies shimmering under 
the mellow light. Sylvia seemed fitted to the 
place, but Guy was conscious of an unrest and a 
longing for simpler surroundings, where one can 
put out their own lights, click the key in the 
door, and rise in the morning to the cheerful 
scoldings of Big Ben, instead of a valet standing 
stiffly saying, "Yes, sir. Yes, sir.” Then Lena’s 
strange words came to him. He brooded over 
them so often — What could she mean — "Where’s 
your key.” It couldn’t be that she herself was 
becoming infatuated with him. "No,” he would 
instantly say, "What a fool I am to imagine 
such a thing!’* Tonight as he sat before the fire, 
Sylvia’s voice seemed unusually tiring. He rose 
and stretching to his full height, yawned. 


When He Found Himself 


163 


'‘I am tired tonight. My strength surely is 
slow coming back. At times I get so discouraged. 
Really Syllia’' — that was his pet name for her 
— '1 must go early tonight. I have big work 
tomorrow.^’ 

She pretended to pout. “You never used to 
care about work. I haven’t had you for so long.” 

“What if you had to give me up entirely as 
thousands of wives and sweethearts must do?” 

“Don’t talk war, I can’t stand it. I’m blue 
enough now.” 

Gathering her in his arms he started to bid 
her good-bye but something within him snapped 
and he almost drew away from her. If Sylvia 
noticed it she did not show her feelings but 
smiled — it was one of her trained irresistible 
smiles — and asked again, “Do you approve of 
the ball?” 

“Anything you like. When will it be?” 

“The twenty-first of December — Friday 
evening. And Guy, I’ve cancelled all our other 
invitations because I knew you wouldn’t feel like 
going.” 

“Good girl,” and he kissed her. She was 
after all, the woman he was to marry. She was 
beautiful^ winning, and now even tender. 

“All but one. New Year’s eve Mrs. Jennings 
will give a big masquerade ball. We are to Watch 


164 


When He Found Himself 


the old year out and the new year in. We can not 
refuse her invitation for Sir Gerod Williams the 
noted Englishman will be there.'' 

Guy wondered why one “had" to attend such 
functions, but nodded his assent. 

“Just ten days until my Christmas ball for 
you," she called in parting. 

It was snowing and Guy turned up his big 
fur collar, buttoned it closely, then threw her a 
kiss, and went out in the soft, starry snow. 
Gently it came down, making all it touched beau- 
tiful. 

In the train he shook his heavy coat, sank into 
a seat to think. Lena's words kept running 
through his mind, “Where's your key? Where's 
your key?" 

Then he wondered what she and Susie were 
doing. He again lived those happy months, he 
heard Susie reading to him — they went walking 
together — they made candy together — they, well 
in fact, they fairly spent all the time together — 
and he wondered why. She was never embar- 
rassed by his presence, nor he by hers. It just 
seemed the only natural thing for them to do. 
Oh yes, she was Sister Susie. “Don't you write 
to her quite often ?" a voice within her seemed to 
say. “Don't you send candy once in a while?" 

“Keep still," another voice answered back. 


When He Found Himself 


165 


‘‘Why shouldn’t I ? Can such trivial things ever 
repay my gratitude toward her?” 

Jfs * * 

Out in Samsoun the snow was falling in big 
white flakes. A candle light glimmered through 
the upper hall in the Harrington home, a door 
banged and Katie, satisfied that the fires and 
lights were safe for the night, tied on her night 
cap, ready for bed. She picked up an old faded 
picture of a man and a child, gave a big sigh and 
crept into bed. 

“God be a blessin’ our boy,” she prayed. “If 
it weren’t for him, I never could be standin’ me 
man’s death. Bless him and help him to be after 
a bein’ true to Uncle Sam and his old mother.” 

Susie turned her light out and watched by 
the window. “My brain is tired I guess,” she 
thot to herself. “I wonder if Nature ever gets 
tired, she never seems to be weary. Always 
so fresh, and happy — the snowflakes dance, the 
leaves dance, the raindrops patter down — but 
we mortals worry and fret. I wish I could live in 
my ideal way for awhile. The people here are 
gossiping so about Guy and I — we were such 
good friends. If only they could see our friend- 
ship as we felt it ; some of these people live such 
immoral lives themselves, that they think every- 


166 


When He Found Himself 


one else has such tendencies. Oh, I hate it! I 
hate it I Lena feels the same as I do. Sometimes 
I wonder if he really loves Sylvia, but I wouldn’t 
breathe it even to Lena. Only once I noticed how 
he looked at me. And Florence and the child — 
that is my secret,” her innerself murmured on. 
But Samsoun had long known her secret and mis- 
trusted. 

* * * * 

The twenty-first day of December, Columbus 
streets were crowded with shoppers. It seemed 
to be an endless stream of women and children. 
Some were tired, sad faces, others Ifappy in their 
purchasing of gifts. Guy felt the Christmas 
spirit as he wedged his way into the crowded 
stores. He at last had purchased something for 
his entire list, except Susie, and he wanted to 
spend more time in choosing her gift. It must be 
something to show his appreciation of her kind- 
ness to him when in Samsoun. ''What shall it 
be,” he asked himself. He finally decided it must 
be something she could keep. "But perhaps she 
won’t want to keep it — Oh, you silly old dunce, 
rating her friendship at so low a par,” he scolded. 

If in deciding we would only listen to that 
little voice inside us, we would more often 
follow the straight road. Guy listened and spent 
two hours trying to find something suitable — 


When He Found Himself 


167 


and when he found it — it was a dainty laval- 
liere, set with a diamond and the chain was so 
slender it seemed like a golden thread. 

When he emerged from the jewelry store on 
East Long Street, people were hurrying every- 
where. ^'City folks get in such a rush they for- 
get to take time to be holy,’’ Guy reflected, then 
when he saw the lights glimmering all around 
him, he jerked out his watch. It was exactly 
train time. He made a mad rush for a taxi, 
pushed through the jam at the depot. 

''Next train for Springfield?” the ticket man 
asked. "Why it leaves at 7 :30.” 

Guy’s face took a long expression, he stepped 
back to let the anxious travelers to the window. 
"A telegram,” flashed into his mind and he 
clutched his suitcase excitedly and dashed for 
the desk. What would he tell Sylvia. Finally 
he worded a decent note, then found an empty 
seat and sat down to meditate. 

"What will Sylvia say? She never will for- 
give me. Leave here at 7 :30 and probably not 
reach there until 9 :30, then have to dress ! What 
was the matter with me? Why didn’t I watch 
the time? And my first appearance in Spring- 
field for months. Ye gods, I never will be able 
to smooth this over.” 


168 


When He Found Himself 


After a few minutes he concluded — “1 know 
it looks as if I didn’t care and it is a beastly balk 
to make.” Fie felt so tired — . “How I wish 
I was going to a cozy little home and planning 
a surpise for a little boy.” Lena’s words rang 
in his ears again, “Where’s your key.” Just 
then a bunch of soldiers with stern, determined 
faces passed him. 

Guy jumped up. “Here I am worrying over 
such a trivial thing as being late to a ball. Such 
things are a waste of time anyway. No patri- 
otic person would attend or give one for mere 
pleasure.” The soldier boys gave him spirit and 
courage. “How I wish I could enlist. I’d go 
in a minute.” He strode from the depot, mailed 
most of his packages, hurriedly ate a warm sup- 
per — then how Guy Fuller spent the time until 
7 :30 the world perhaps never knew. But that 
evening a little crippled form on the south side 
went to sleep hugging a warm sweater and half 
a dozen mothers prayed with misty eyes, for the 
man who had been so kind. 

It was 9:30 exactly when Guy entered the 
side door of the Nichols’ home, bumped into an 
astonished servant, and asked him to let Sylvia 
know of his arrival. Guy knew there would be 
a scene. 


When He Found Himself 


169 


In about fifteen minutes, he stood dressed 
waiting for her to come. He heard her quick 
step then she stood in the door-way, a Christmas 
vision, in a dark red velvet gown, with touches of 
ermine. Her beauty startled him, he stepped 
toward her, but could not touch her. There was 
something in her eyes that held him back. 

“So you’ve come at last?” her tone was sar- 
castic. 

“You received my telegram?” 

“Yes. That doesn’t explain.” 

“I will do that later.” 

“Perhaps explanation is not necessary.” 

“That depends on you,” he answered calmly. 

“Well don’t stand here, you’re late enough 
now. The people are all asking and wondering 
about you.” She was impatient, but her anger 
only heightened her beauty. 

Among the guests, Guy was a favorite. The 
enthusiasm with which they received him 
caused her to relent a little — but still the sting 
tingled in her heart. “It was his place to be here 
to help me receive the guests. What will the 
people think and say? That is the part that 
hurts.” 

When the last limousine had whirled away, 
Sylvia found Guy standing before the fireplace 
in a little room where they often spent the win- 


170 


When He Found Himself 


ter evenings. His back was toward her and his 
fine form filled her with admiration, but she 
hardened and determined to let him know she 
didn’t approve of such actions. She, Sylvia 
Nichols, didn’t intend to be socially disgraced by 
anyone, not even her future husband. 

''Guy, can you explain to me now?” she de- 
manded. 

"It is very brief, — business detained me,” 
he faced her and stood with his hands clasped 
behind him. 

"Indeed. You knew of this ten days ago. 
Business matters should have been arranged and 
put aside. It is the lack of respect you have 
shown me, that hurts. I can never forget the 
tone in which those people asked for you. Im- 
agine giving a ball and have the one you are 
honoring, arriving at 9:30. I can see Mrs. Jen- 
nings’ glance yet.” 

"Is that your highest aim to please Mrs. Jen- 
nings ?” 

"It is my aim to hold my place in society. To 
hold the name and place I have won for myself, 
and given to you. Is this the way you repay 
me? Is this how you appreciate me?” 

"I am not in the game for social position. 
Sylvia, can’t you see — this ball tonight is all 
mockery. Among this motley crowd I doubt if 


When He Found Himself 


171 


there was one, real, true friend. If tomorrow 
morning the papers would announce that you had 
lost all your wealth, how many of those men and 
women would reach out a hand to you and wel- 
come you in their homes just the same. No — 
if you continued to call on them, the butlers 
would begin to say, 'Not at home.' I don't give 
a snap for Mrs. Jennings and all her tribe. What 
I want is a home. A home with more than so- 
ciety for its foundation." Guy had drawn him- 
self to full height. How he ever happened to 
say so much, he didn't know. Things that he had 
long pondered over, slipped easily into speech. 

“Ten nights ago I proposed an immediate 
marriage and you absolutely refused. Now, you 
talk to me about a home." 

“More than ten months ago I wanted to be 
married but you refused and why — because I 
couldn't give you quite enough money and af- 
ford more than one servant." 

Sylvia turned hot and then cold, her fine, 
polished nails dug deep in her hands — “Per- 
haps" — her voice shook with indignation — 
“that light-haired woman has something to do 
with your wish, to delay our wedding." She was 
so angry she could not control herself. The light- 
haired woman and the child had been torturing 
her mind, until now when she saw she could not 


172 


When He Found Himself 


hold Guy as usual, it was too much, and she lost 
control of herself. 

‘The light-haired woman,’^ Guy said slowly, 
“Whom do you mean?’' 

“Is it possible that you have forgotten so 
soon? Ha, ha,” she laughed scornfully, “I 
hardly think so.” 

“Sylvia, what are you talking about?” He 
took a few steps forward, “Has anyone been 
trying to fill your mind with silly gossip?” 

She moved back from him. “No, oh, no, 
don’t blame anyone else. I’m not so stupid that 
I never see or hear anything. Why, the fair 
lady is the one who has the child you seem so 
fond of.” 

“Sylvia — Sylvia is this how you trust me ?'^ 
The puzzled expression now left his face, one of 
almost sadness came instead, and his voice 
sounded like a child who finds the beautiful lady 
only a painted gaudy actress. He tried to reach 
her, but she would not let him. “Is this the love 
you give me — have you no faith ?” 

Guy had never before seen her face distorted 
by anger, she had always been stately and agree- 
able. 

One white hand clasped her forehead, the 
other closed tightly, pressed heavily against her 
breast. “Talk about love, and trust, and faith 


When He Found Himself 


173 


— ah, that sounds like Sister Susie. Yes, sweet 
Sister Susie’s ideas. No sane woman who knows 
men and their habits, ever trusted a man.” 

The mention of Susie seemed to draw a veil 
from Guy’s eyes, and he saw Sylvia not as the 
wonderful person he had long admired but a 
woman determined to win and control, no mat- 
ter how great the price. 

He tried to calm her but she grew unrea- 
sonable. His calmness angered her. The way 
she spoke of Susie disgusted him, every word 
she uttered drove him farther from her. 

''Go,” she finally shouted. "Leave me alone. 
Don’t try to explain. I don’t want to hear an- 
other word about this Florence. Go, I say go !” 

When Sylvia said, "Florence,” Guy’s face 
turned very pale. 

"Go,” she commanded. "Go,” her voice was 
harsh and her eyes so deep and cold. 

So Guy did go. He hastily changed his suit, 
snatched his suitcase and astonished the butler 
by his abrupt exit. He acted like a man in a 
trance. He was stunned and the farther he 
walked the higher his disgust arose, not only for 
Sylvia but her way of living. A shrill whistle 
sounded over the wintry night air, he ran and 
reached the depot as the 2:45 slowed down. 
Breathlessly he climbed the steps and sank 


174 


When He Found Himself 


wearily into a seat. He scarcely knew what had 
happened. Then as the train pulled out he real- 
ized that he had quarreled with Sylvia. It was 
his fault in a way. He had no business being 
late, especially when it was given in his honor. 
Late to his fiancee’s ball because he had lingered 
over a gift for Susie. 

He had never seen Sylvia lose her self-re- 
spect, and wondered if all men have their beau- 
tiful ideal shattered — if in time love gives way 
to such crude visions as he saw, not an hour ago. 

But how did she know about Florence? 
Then he sat up straight, why had he not ex- 
plained to her about Florence — it was an un- 
manly act to leave her and never ofifer to clear 
the matter. ''But she made me do it. She 
wouldn’t listen, then, when she mentioned Susie, 
it was too much,” he sighed. "Does love mis- 
trust? Does real true love shatter its mate’s 

heart? Does love ?” Then Lena’s words 

came again to him — "Where’s your key?” The 
little witch, what did she mean that night ? And 
as he pondered over those words, the conductor 
said, "Where’s your ticket?” Guy remembered 
he had forgotten to get one and after he paid his 
fare, he returned to the problem that vexed him 
so. 


When He Found Himself 


175 


Had I.ena seen something in Sylvia's manner 
that made her ask him such a strange question? 
First she had said, ^'Do you really love Miss 
Nichols?" then, 'Where is your key?" Slowly 
it crept into Guy’s mind — "It is like your ticket — 
you forgot to get one." Yes, light hearted Lena, 
rather a childish girl, he had always thot, had 
seen what he couldn't see — why — and the idea 
overwhelmed him — he started up but fell back 
in the seat — "I never really loved Sylvia. I 
was — just attracted by her beauty and social 
position — but that doesn't make love. What am 
I to do," he moaned. "I have sought her, and 
won her. Now when all our associates are look- 
ing forward to our marriage, I can not break 
it off." 

Weak and tired from the strain, and not 
knowing what to do and weary of thinking, he 
pulled a worn little testament from his pocket 
and his eyes fell upon these words — "Now is my 
soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, 
save me from this hour ; but for this cause came 
I unto this hour." 

As he was reading these lines, back in 
Springfield Sylvia recovering from her anger 
Ordered the butler to send Guy to her. 

"TBut hfe's gone. Miss Sylvia." 


176 


When He Found Himself 


‘^Gone?’’ she shrieked. “Gone — and left me 
like this. He’ll pay for this rudeness. He might 
have known I didn’t mean for him to leave the 
house — he did know it.” The butler astonished 
and frightened at her appearance sent the maid 
to her. 

In the wee hours of the morning, Guy went 
to his room seeking some way to gently tell 
Sylvia he did not love her. While she, sat be- 
fore her dressing table planning revenge for his 
strange actions. 

5k * 

The fire snapped, burned brighter and 
brighter throwing its rosy gleam across the room 
on Susie and Lena. Susie crocheting and Lena 
writing. Mother and Daddy were in the next 
room tying Xmas packages. Outside it was 
snowing, big, beautiful flakes, coming down 
covering all with a soft blanket. Dr. Barnes 
came in bringing a hint of the wintry air with 
him. He laid aside his heavy coat and pulled out 
an easy chair before the fire-place. 

“Well, how’s Peaches and Pebbles tonight?” 

“Too cold for Peaches, they’re frost bitten,” 
Lena pinched Susie’s cheek. 

“And Pebbles?” 

“You can freeze them,” Lena continued, 
“drop them or roll them and they are just as—” 


When He Found Himself 


177 


^‘Useless as ever’^ — laughed the Doctor. 

These were odd nicknames for two girls, but 
he had applied them one time as a joke and they 
had stuck ever since. 

The girls enjoyed his visits. His sparkling 
conversation was always varied — the latest fic- 
tion was usually discussed, and the current hap- 
penings. Often his thots would carry him into 
past experiences and the girls would be silent 
listeners. Tonight '‘Community Development,” 
the lecture given recently by Fannon merged 
into home influence. 

"Oh, the sadness of it, when home life is not 
congenial” — he paused. 

Susie and Lena waited, for they knew hi^ 
thots were probably on his own wretched years 
of married life which were a dismal failure. 

"A house,” he went on, "is not a home. It 
is too often a place where people merely exist, 
and this is a result of the home training. The 
fathers and mothers forget to establish a hearth 
burning brightly with love. Girls especially are 
not taught the right idea of home and house- 
work. Our girls are not taught to look for a 
soul-mate, — for every husband and wife should 
be soulmates.” 

His head dropped a little and he looked with 
a far away expression into the fire. The clock 

12 


178 


When He Found Himself 


on the mantel ticked slowly — ''Yes soul-mates/' 
he murmured. 

No one spoke for an instant, then he con- 
tinued as if coming back from the realm of mem- 
ories — "Girls are not taught to think of rearing 
children. The greatest privilege of a young wo- 
man is to become a wife and — a mother. Her 
greatest moment is the time when she may feel 
a little child at her side and her husband’s arms 
embracing her — Oh, it is a holy time. A time 
when God communes with man. It is sacred.” 

The rising wind outside whirled the snow 
against the window, a burning cinder blazed 
cheerfully, then fell into the ashes. 

"Jealousy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins 
of today. Boys and girls, husband and wife, 
should have faith in each other. Nicholas often 
speaks of the shallow friendship of our young 
people.” 

"Is he the young man that rooms at your 
place?” asked Susie. 

"Yes, a student at Ohio State. He is a for- 
eign boy, true and straightforward. He deplores 
the fact that people here put so little value on 
friendship. He estimates a friend very highly 
and once your friend, he will not say, do or 
think anything that would harm you.” 


When He Found Himself 


179 


''Oh, that we had more such young men,” ex- 
claimed Lena. 

"Yes indeed,” the Doctor nodded. "Children 
are educated to think of a good time. The evil 
facing our country today is — This pleasure seek- 
ing world is teaching our girls to forget the 
sweetness of motherhood — our boys the duties 
of fatherhood — this is a danger that we need to 
fear today more than any Germany. Germany 
can be conquered in a few years’ time but this 
evil will take centuries.” 

There was a silence. It was always hard to 
bridge the gap and come back to common place 
things after such forceful talks. 

"Home training is so noticeable in the school- 
room. A teacher can easily pick out the children 
with good home discipline,” observed Susie. 

"Easily. It is everything, everything.” 

"This community as a whole is remarkable in 
its parental influence,” Susie declared. "Of all 
my experience, this village is the nearest ideal 
of any in which I have lived.” 

"Yes — the parental influence is fine as a rule, 
but there is another influence that creeps in and 
undoes this training. It is disgusting when one 
meditates over it and nothing is more harmful 
than this one predominating evil, though un- 


180 


When He Found Himself 


noticed by most people residing here. We need 
a social reform. This town needs renovating.’’ 

The conversation drifted on to local events 
until Mr. Harrington loaded with neatly tied, 
odd-shaped packages, paused in the doorway, 
the bright ribbons and sprays of holly making 
him seem the Christmas, Spirit, and Lena sang 
out — 

“Who comes in the night, 

Who comes in the night, 

With reindeer and silvery sleigh?” 


Susie concluded — 

'' ’Tis dear, old, kind Santa Claus.” 

When Barnes rose to go, he left a book for 
Peaches and one for Pebbles. ^'Nicholas is com- 
ing here to lecture soon. When he comes of 
course you will hear him, I also want you to meet 
him.” 

''Pebbles will roll right there,” Lena assented. 
"But Peaches here has already been bitten, see,” 
holding the dainty chain and lavaliere on her 
hand, that hung on Susie’s neck, "so she isn’t 
interested in meeting anymore men.” 

Everyone laughed heartily. Susie gave the 
impish girl a gentle shake. 

"That’s right, you must keep me well in- 
formed,” Doctor laughed, admiring the shim- 
mering gift, then he gave a pensive glance around 


When He Found Himself 


181 


the cozy room, with the grotesque figures on the 
walls, dancing slower than faster as the fire 
burned, bade the cheerful group Good-night, and 
went out into the storm. 

And so the Christmas season came. In Sam- 
soun '‘Merry Christmas” was in the hearts and 
on the lips of everyone. The dreamy little vil- 
lage laid wrapped in a beautiful mantle of 
glistening white — the tall trees bent their heads 
as if in reverence for the sacred period — the 
school house on the hill was a fairyland — echo- 
ing silvery voices. Sunday evening childish 
tongues thrilled the audience in the little church, 
as they told the old story, and sang the sweet 
message — “Peace on earth. Good will to men.” 

As Susie listened, her fingers touched the 
pendant that Guy sent her. “Oh, that peace 
might be in every home and heart,” she prayed. 
Her own heart was filled with an unrest and 
longing that the Christmas season could not ban- 
ish. 

Two days before New Year’s a senior mem- 
ber of the oil company called Guy to his home. 
“Fuller,” he began, “there is a big thing out near 
Philadelphia for us but no one to send only you. 
Do you think you could go and look after this 
for us. I hesitated in sending for you because 


182 


When He Found Himself 


I am afraid it would be too much. You must not 
overtax your strength.” 

^‘Pshaw, I can make it all right. That's just 
what I need — a change.” So matters were ar- 
ranged and Guy left for a several weeks stay in 
Philadelphia. 

Two days after the twenty-first, he had re- 
ceived a short note from Sylvia reminding him 
of the ball New Year's Eve. So at the station, 
before he caught his train, he wired Sylvia of 
his unexpected trip, and told her she could reach 
him at the Hotel Walton. 

Sylvia decided Guy had taken this trip to 
evade the ball New Year's Eve, and the letter 
she wrote him was full of suspicion and resent- 
ment. 

Guy now stood at the place where he must 
decide whether to fit his neck in society's yoke 
and marry to avoid scandalous talk or do what 
he knew was right. Never before had he hesi- 
tated about starting on the right road, but this 
decision would effect Sylvia as much as himself. 
If he married her and did not love her, he would 
be committing a sin against her and living a 
false life. And that was one thing he hated — 
simulation. 

Tortured by the desire to do right and his 
duty toward Sylvia, he wrote to Dr. Barnes and 


When He Found Himself 


183 


explained all — holding nothing back, not even the 
purchasing of Susie’s gift. Barnes was a man 
he could confide in and on whose advice he could 
rely, for it would be given from his rich source 
of experience. 

Barnes answered — 

''You are now at a place where your decision 
will either ruin your future life or make it one 
of eternal happiness. And once again I say to 
you, listen to your heart’s own pleadings. 

"Now you think perhaps that you will do Miss 
Nichols a wrong to break your engagement — 
but it will only be in the sight of a few who are 
playing the social game. If you marry without 
love, you will ruin not only her life, but your 
own, and your children will have to bear the 
burden of your mistake. 

"No sin will be committed by simply telling 
her you do not love her. She may make a scene 
but better one scene now, than a thousand later. 
My friend, I write as man to man. Had I not 
been swayed by the persuading tongue of society, 
I would today have had a home and — children. 
But fool I was, I closed my ears against the voice 
of righteousness, and Oh, I have paid the price, 
and it has been heavy. 

"You alone can decide this question, but do 
not be hasty and let no one persuade.” 


184 


When He Found Himself 


Guy knew business would keep him east for 
almost seven weeks so he decided to write to 
Sylvia, telling her of his decisions. He did, and 
the answer he received showed him her life and 
ideals — and they were so small and shallow when 
compared with her beautiful figure and face. 

But Guy answered her letter in a gentle, 
firm tone and no reply came, but the next week 
he received a Springfield paper saying it was 
rumored that Miss Sylvia Nichols, a prominent 
society woman, had broken her engagement with 
Guy Fuller and was going south for the winter 
months. 

It was the first of February when he wrote to 
Susie and waited eagerly for a letter from her. 
It came, filled with the wonderful friendship of 
the autumn months. Then he told her of his 
mistake, and when St. Valentine day came, he 
sent a little book that only Susie read. 

The afternoon of the fifteenth he started for 
Ohio. The train wound its way along the foot 
of the mountain. The rising moon’s soft light 
added a mystic charm to the distant peaks, and 
reflected on the wide-smooth river. 

''How like life this is,” Guy thot. "We speed 
on and on. Always seeing something new.” 

A few seats ahead of him were two ladies 
complaining because they could not obtain a 


When He Found Himself 


185 


berth, and must travel all night under such con- 
ditions. Guy shut his right hand tightly, and 
brought it down heavily on his knee. “And mil- 
lions of our boys 'Over There,’ fighting, suffer- 
ing, enduring all sorts of hell, and we here at 
home, growling and grumbling. We have every 
comfort. Some don’t deny themselves of even 
one luxury. “Oh God,” he murmured in his 
heart, “before this war stops, help us to wake 
up. Help us to start a new life, clean and un- 
selfish. Help us to so live that the coming gen- 
erations will be stronger, better than our present 
one. Let us so live that we will not leave this 
generation poorer than we found it.” 

The coach was crowded. A little woman sat 
beside him. In her face was something deep and 
sweet. Guy was lonely, so drew her into a con- 
versation. When she looked at him with her 
blue gray eyes, it made him want to know her 
better. It was about 8:30 when they reached 
Harrisburg. A young man and a lame girl, evi- 
dently his sister, entered the coach. She was 
crying. 

The little woman said to Guy — “Trouble. 
They are having trouble of some kind.” 

“Yes,” Guy answered, “It seems we all have 
some trouble. But we think so much about our 


186 


When He Found Himself 


own, we forget to smile and remember, almost 
everyone around us has a burden too/’ 

The blue-grey eyes were misty. had two 
fine lovable little boys. Both were taken from 
me at the same instant. Drowned,” she nodded 
in answer to Guy’s questioning look. ''And my 
husband, all that was left to me — was taken a 
year later. The shock was more than he could 
stand.” 

There was a silence. Guy wanted to take her 
hand in his. Here was a woman whom sorrow 
had strengthened. Her face was calm, only 
great faith and trust in the Higher Power could 
create such a beautiful, serene countenance. 

"Some people think I am light-hearted and 
forget easily. But Oh, it’s there,” putting her 
hand over her heart. "Forget when all my 
earthly treasures are taken away — but God is 
still good. I must forget to a certain extent and 
live for those around me. The girls I am with 
are a source of comfort.” 

"Where do you live now?” 

"I am at Ohio State, at Oxley Hall. I help 
look after the girls. They are my children.” 

"From Ohio,” Guy gasped, "and Columbus? 
Why I am going there myself.” 

And so their friendship grew and by mid- 
night they had become acquainted with each 


When He Found Himself 


187 


other and with the dear old lady and gentleman 
across from them, and a lady in the seat in front. 

The old lady and gentleman were from St. 
Louis. They had been east to bid their son, 
Good-bye. “And I sent him away with a smile,” 
she said bravely. Just then a soldier boy walked 
through the coach. They all looked after him, 
admiringly. 

“It makes me say,” the dear old lady brushed 
a tear away — “God bless every boy who wears 
a uniform.” 

The ladies found a comfortable position, 
and slept a while. Guy and the old gentle- 
man talked. “We can’t understand this war and 
these strange happenings. But all will come right 
soon. A new world will be born. We will be 
stronger and cleaner. Yes — God moves in his 
mysterious ways, his wonders to perform,” the 
older man concluded, and lapsed into a long 
silence. 

So everyone else had trouble too. Guy paced 
the coach several times. Sylvia Nichols, he de- 
termined, was out of his life now, forever. He 
saw her no more as a beautiful, woman, but in- 
stead the form of what might have been. Her 
suspicion, deceit and distrust had killed his re- 
spect for her, and love can not linger where re- 
spect is dead. 


188 


When He Found Himself 


'Tor two years I have followed, admired and, 
— yes worshipped her, and then in one day my 
ideal was crushed,'’ Guy groaned. 

Sylvia’s physical beauty fell as a veil, and he 
now saw the deceit, and jealousy which had long 
brooded in her heart. 

"Why was I so blind to everything? But I 
loved and trusted her.” He sat down and buried 
his head in his hands. Would one be disap- 
pointed in a girl like Susie? Would she ever — ? 
No. She was so true, she would never be en- 
gaged to a man unless she really loved him. Her 
heart was just like her appearance and manner. 
Then he smiled as he thot of Jake Crex’s de- 
scription of her. She was winning, kind, and — 
and — he sat up straight. What was it about her 
that one couldn’t forget? It seemed he always 
had known her. He couldn’t imagine how life 
was before — . Then a strange puzzled look 
came over his face, and a wonderful, peculiar 
feeling crept into his heart. "Why,” and he sat up 
straight, "I — I — why what a dunce I’ve been I — 
I — love — Susie. Why didn’t I know it before.” 
It was almost two thirty when he fell asleep, 
dreaming of Susie. 

"God paints our souls,” he murmured as he 
awoke at break of day, and drank in the beauty 
of the fleeting hills and rivers, "and Oh, how we 


When He Found Himself 


189 


mar the canvas and spoil the pictures he has 
painted. We would not think of destroying fa- 
mous pictures — the artist would grieve. How 
God must grieve over the marring of our souls 
* * * * 

In a southern winter resort Sylvia was pen- 
ning a letter to Susie, insinuating many things 
and seeking revenge for her crushed pride. 


CHAPTER ELEVEN 


Music is one of those transition things that connects our 
souls with this world. 


One Sunday morning, Lena, red curls peek- 
ing out from under a light dainty cap, stood in 
the back yard. Her soul and body stretched 
and leaped under the wonderful winter sunshine. 
''Sunday,’’ she murmured, "God’s day. How I 
wish I could give to so many sad, lonely people 
this fine feeling I have this morning. Susie — 
Oh Susie. Come out here quick.” 

In a gray sweater Susie shivered forth. Her 
dark hair loosely pinned high on her head, caught 
and held the dancing sunlight. 

"You old shiverer, come out and get some 
fresh air for breakfast,” Lena taunted. 

"Oh, Lena, isn’t it grand?” taking a deep 
breath. "I just feel so glad I’m alive, so happy, 
so wonderful — and I can’t explain why.” 

"So do I. But you have a reason and I 
haven’t. Susie will I ever find my ideal. You 
ought to be so happy.” 

"Why? I haven’t any more assurance or 
promise of future happiness than you — ” 

( 190 ) 


When He Found Himself 


191 


''Susie Eggson — you are a little goose. If 
you don’t know it, I do. You love Guy Fuller 
with all the strength your heart can love, and he 
— why he worships you, and don’t know it.” 

"I wish you and I could spend this day to- 
gether, talking and living in God’s church today 
— the wide outdoors.” 

"We will. We are going to do it.” 

"But how can we? You have your Sunday 
School class? Oh fiddlesticks. You just sanc- 
tion everything I say and we will do it.” 

The two chased around the house and went 
in for the morning meal, taking a good deal of 
the outdoors with them. 

"Shure and you after a bein’ dignified teach- 
ers,” Katie laughed. 

"That’s physical culture,” Susie echoed. 

At the breakfast table Lena exclaimed, 
"Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all the world could 
see Sunday as we see it here. My church is the 
outdoors. The trees are the pillars, the sky is the 
ceiling, the birds my choir, the pure air an in- 
cense, eternally burning, my bible is the flowers, 
and leaves about me — I read them by the light of 
the sun, moon and stars. There is no preacher. 
The world is my church — there is a great in- 
visible organ and God plays that organ, and from 


192 


When He Found Himself 


it arises and falls the music to which all men and 
nature sing and keep in tune. 

^'And when we grow tired and think the 
world is growing worse, it is only because we 
forget to listen for the vibrating chords which 
lead us to Our Father.’' 

Daddy Harrington stirred his coifee thot- 
fully. There was a sweet silence as if they all 
were listening to that music. Then Susie said, 
'‘Music is the one thing that brings us nearer 
to each other and God. To me it seems, — music 
is one of those transition things that connects 
our souls with this world.” 

And Katie passing to the kitchen murmured 
— "Bless the lambs.” 

"Isn’t it a fine morning to go to church. We 
must all hurry too, it is getting late,” Mrs. Har- 
rington said between bites of toast. 

"I’m not going,” Lena sang out. 

"Why, Lena. What is your class of girls 
going to do? You must go.” 

"No, I am not going.” 

"Oh, come Lena,” coaxed Daddy. "It makes 
us feel so proud to all go together. You are not 
an example to those girls if you act that way.” 

"I don’t care. When I feel this way I want 
to stay home. I don’t feel like trying to be a 
goody, goody. I don’t want to hear that Mr. 


When He Found Himself 193 

Connor singing his praises and some of those 
others making their made to order prayers. I 
want to be in my big church.” 

So remembering Lena’s previous utterances, 
they ceased to coax. '‘Well, when she won’t, she 
won’t and when she will, she will,” Mother Har- 
rington concluded. 

"Are you going Susie?” Lena asked rising 
and folding her napkin. 

"I don’t know. I’ll see.” 

Later Mrs. Harrington said again, "Please 
come, and go Lena.” 

"No, Mother Dear. I am not going.” 

An hour later Susie, dressed for church, en- 
tered Lena’s room. "I just had to go. I couldn’t 
disappoint them, they feel so badly because you 
won’t go. Come, be a good girl.” 

"Susie, to me this morning, God isn’t up there 
in that church ’cause I’ve got one of my spells. 
But I’ve got to find Him in my own way,” and 
with elbows on her knees she watched Susie 
leave. When the front door clicked and from her 
window she saw the three walk up the street, 
Lena slipped down to find Katie. 

"What ever possessed you to stay home, 
Katie?” as she took her usual place — the high 
kitchen stool. 


13 


194 


When He Found Himself 


''Shure now aren’t you glad? ’Twas to kape 
you company that I stayed.” 

“Glad? Why Fm tickled to death.” 

“ ’Tis a lively dead one you are.” Katie 
gave her head a nod. 

“But let’s talk business Katie, and we’ll have 
to talk fast, ’cause that minister isn’t very long 
winded sometimes.” 

“The Saints bless him and the Spirits move 
his tongue this bright mornin’. Well, phwat 
have you heard from Zarvis — or Angilina. I 
never in my life was a gittin’ so many shocks, as 
this winter. To think, that woman has seen more 
in one week than we’re after a seein’ all our 
lives.” 

“Zarvis is rising sky high. She is taking 
care of two childen for a wealthy family on East 
Broad and in her spare time has sold over five 
hundred dollars of War Saving Stamps.” 

“Well I be. Well I be. Go way, now go 
way !” 

“Yes sir, she has, and besides she is cultivat- 
ing her old habits of grace and ease. She was 
determined Mr. Fuller should never marry Miss 
Nichols.” 

“The woman be praised and blessed for that. 
That shows she’s after a havin’ horse sense. 


When He Found Himself 


195 


Tm a likin’ that name of hers too — Angilina. 
But phwat are we goin’ to do about it now.” 

“About what?” 

“Why wakin’ these two silly birds up — Susie 
and Mr. Fuller. She’s been goin’ round here 
moon-eyed for the last two months. Why don’t 
she up and tell the poor feller she loves him. 
Anybody with half sense could see that.” 

“It will come all right. I never saw a case 
of true, pure love yet that didn’t.” 

“And tell me quick about this here other 
woman. Is she after a listenin’ to Zarvis.” 

“Oh, Katie, just think only we three know 
about that. Do you suppose we can really, ^Right 
the Wrong’.” 

“Hump, I’m hopin’ so,” and bringing her pan 
of potatoes to peel, she came and sat near Lena. 
“Now the two heathens can be after a talkin.’ If 
the good Father gives us a black mark for to- 
day, he’ll be after a givin’ some folks I know 
black water to drink.” 

“We must talk fast or that preacher will beat 
us. Listen — Zarvis wrote to Mrs. Wilson and 
told her she knew of the double life she was lead- 
ing and if she didn’t fork over some money she'd 
spread it over Samsoun. You see, Zarvis took 
this way of finding out if Mrs. Wilson really was 
living an immoral life — I told her aU you and I 


196 


When He Found Himself 


knew but of course we couldn’t prove it. Zar- 
vis wrote the letter on old dirty paper pretend- 
ing that she was still a gypsy. Katie, only you 
and I and Dr. Barnes know of Zarvis’ reforma- 
tion. Oh, it makes me so happy to feel I have 
at least shown one soul the light and caused them 
to again hear God’s music.” 

“Me lamb, when you have finished tellin’ me, 
I am goin’ to tell you something don’t be after a 
lettin’ me forget. Now be goin’ on.” 

“All right. Mrs. Wilson answered, sending 
the required amount of money and after several 
letters had passed, Zarvis — I never can call her 
Angilina — Zarvis returned the money and plead- 
ed with her to reform.” 

“So then — that Mrs. Wilson was after a bein’ 
just as I had suspected — a two-faced critter.” 

“It makes me so provoked. If she wants to 
lead such a life, she has no business wearing two 
faces. She pretends to be religious and one of 
the leaders of this town. Katie, it’s a wonder 
someone hasn’t found her out before this.” 

“Don’t you be after a foolin’ yourself. A 
few have, but they hate to be a lettin’ on. That’s 
the one sin of this world-deceivin’ folks. Oh, 
a day will be a cornin’ when a real man and wo- 
man will be takin’ the platform instead Of these 
here vulpine Christians. This town — bah, this 


When He Found Himself 


197 


town, some think is perfect, just an ideal place to 
be raisin’ children, but Fm after a knowin’ bet- 
ter.” And Katie paused, knife in air — '‘Lena, 
Mrs. Wilson isn’t the only vulpine Christian in 
old Samsoun. No, no. There’s them that gossip 
until their tongues get sore and then they pre- 
tend to be such goodies. But the good Lord 
wasn’t for makin’ all the folks here that way — 
jest a few families. Praise Him for it, too. 
Phwat can that woman expect her family to be. 
Splendid example she’s after a bein’ to ’em. 
And the man she runs with, is havin’ a large 
family, too. And while his poor wife is home, 
washin’, ironin’ and feedin and nursin’ his brats, 
he’s a runnin’ with another woman. That’s jest 
the way — they save the perfume and chocolates 
for the other woman and their poor wife is after 
a gittin’ the calico gowns and old black licorice. 
The, 'Dear’ and 'Sweet One’, he gives his Mrs. 
Wilson. At home his poor wife gets tobacco 
spit kisses 'and "ole” woman get a hump on you’. 
When he wants her she must come. When he 
wants fresher attractions he 'goes to it’.” 

"Yes, and he is only one out of many.” 

"Of course he is. But to hear some of these 
gossipers talk you’d think Samsoun was after a 
bein’ an ideal place — its folks here, cleaner and 
purer than in heaven itself. But I be a knowin’ 


198 


When He Found Himself 


that if you’ve got a mind of your own and are the 
kind to be really a doin’ things — why you are con- 
sidered one of Satan’s folks and not fit for good 
Samsoun people to know.” 

‘'It seems, Katie, that the people here who 
live in glass houses are the ones who throw the 
most stones. But sometime in the future their 
stones will roll back to them.” 

“Ain’t I after a knowin’ it. I’m a knowin’ 
more in one hour about this old place than Har- 
ringtons do in a week. For the love of Shad, 
girl, some folks is after a thinkin’ old Katie 
don’t know much, but never mind, never mind.” 

“And what else did you want to tell me?” 

“Oh, yes. Well now they’re discussin’ Susie 
for havin’ so much to do with Mr, Guy. Dis- 
cussin’ her black and blue. Some think he was 
after you, too. They can’t quite make out. They 
are downin’ you both. And me girl, bless your 
heart, here’s what I’m a hatin’ to tell — ,” and 
she paused a moment. 

“Go on Katie, it is better I should know.” 

“Well — well they’re a say in’ that Mr. Con- 
ner saw you that night when you met Zarvis at 
the bridge. He saw you, and farther on passed 
Zarvis so he’s a judgin’ that bein’ you was down 
there so late alone you was parlin’ with that 


When He Found Himself 


199 


gypsy. Even Mr. and Mrs. Harrington were a 
discussin’ it, sort of blamin’ you.” 

“Where was he? How did he see me?” 

“Did a machine pass you?” 

“I met one coming back, but I was almost to 
the turn, here. It is strange Harringtons didn’t 
speak to me about it.” 

“Well, ’twas then he saw you?” 

“Little do I care, my conscience is clear. And 
I have to answer only to God — he already 
knows. Thank God I have a clearer vision of my 
Heavenly Father than some of these Samsoun 
people. They have a few men like Mr. Conner 
who makes their laws, and they accept them as 
though they were God’s select few. I answer 
not to men, but God,” Lena sighed. 

“I’m a hopin’ Susie don’t hear of this talk. 
She never will tell Mr. Guy she loves him. But 
say, are we after a knowin’ any more about this 
light-haired woman, that Zarvis saw with him?” 

“No. Oh, if that reaches Susie it will kill 
her. I wonder if in their confidential talks he 
ever mentioned her. You see I can’t hint around 
about her, for if she doesn’t know, she’ll suspect 
something. But I don’t care if he had a half 
dozen women. I’d trust him. He is the kind of 
man who knows how to act when with a woman. 
He respects a woman as God meant a man to. 


200 


When He Found Himself 


But I think Zarvis will find out some way if I 
wish her to. She is a regular detective.” 

“Me girl, look up there by the carriage shop 
— they're cornin’. Bless me how the time’s flew.” 

“Oh, Katie where’s my sweater. Listen, I’m 
going to hike out and pretend I’ve been gone all 
morning. If they ask where I am, tell them you 
don’t know.” 

And Katie did. When dinner was ready, a 
rosy-cheeked Lena came home. 

“Had a long walk?” Daddy asked. 

“Oh, yes.” 

“Well you’d better be after a cornin’,” Katie 
winked. “If you’d been walkin’ much longer, a 
whole whale wouldn’t be a satisfyin’ you.” 

“Was your sermon fine. Daddy?” 

“Excellent, was yours?” 

“I learned,” Lena answered demurely, “this 
— ‘I wot that through ignorance ye did it, as did 
also your rulers. But neither shall they say, “Lo 
here”, or “lo there”, for behold, the kingdom of 
God is within you’.” 

* * Jje ij« 

Letters came more frequently from Guy. 
Boxes of candy, the latest books and interesting 
magazines flooded the mail box. But still Susie 
was firm, for the note she had received from 
Sylvia still burned in her heart. That note was 


When He Found Himself 


201 


the first thing that awakened her. It made her 
see and know she loved Guy. 

“But how can I know he really loves me. I 
thot he loved Miss Nichols, now it all has changed 
so suddenly,’’ she murmured to herself one cold 
April evening when the wind was blowing and 
howling outside. Weary she sat on the floor be- 
fore the little stove in her room with only its 
light trying to reach the dark corners back of 
her. “I know he loves me. I don’t mistrust him. 
I know the way he looked at me and talked to me, 
but I didn’t understand then. He loves home and 
a quiet life too much to really love Miss Nichols 
She doesn’t stand for those things. Oh, if only 
I hadn’t been so impulsive, so thoughtless last 
September this would not have happened. Sylvia 
has made me feel that I have done it all — I can’t 
help he loves me and I can’t help that I love him. 
Perhaps I was too free — but no, I was only a 
friend — I acted as I think a girl should.” 

She loosened her hair and the firelight danced 
higher. “I love him, I love him,” she sobbed, 
“but he must not know it. Not now anyway. I 
must write to him, that he can not come. If he 
comes. I’ll be too weak — I’m afraid I’d say, yes. 
I’m so tired of teaching and I’ve waited so long 
for him, for my ideal.” 


202 


When He Found Himself 


Then she went back over the list of men she 
could have married and shook her head. ''He is 
the only one — the only one that hasn’t had one 
objectionable manner — but I have no right to 
him. Sylvia can give him wealth, society and a 
social standing many envy. While I — I can only 
give him love. Will it be enough?” 

Over the world are people suffering because 
they have so little to offer each other, while in 
their own heart lies a little treasure which can 
not be bought or manufactured, that little article 
called — Love. 

A little later Lena came in and found Susie 
still dreaming by the fire. 

''Lazy girl,” she chided, "why sitting here 
idle, instead of writing to thy lover? Prithee, 
make haste and pen thy heart. Oh, Susie, I 
wish we lived in the time of castles and all our 
men were knights.” 

"Would love be any easier then?” 

"Not if the lovers chose to live behind a 
mask.” 

"Been reading Shakespeare again, haven’t 
you ?” Susie stretched lazily. "Lena, Guy wants 
to come out, and I can not let him, I am not sure 
of myself.” 

"Oh, gravy. You make me tired. So that’s 
what you’ve been brooding over ? Course I have 


When He Found Himself 


203 


to read Shakespeare, when you act like a mourn- 
ing dove. Why aren’t you sure of yourself? 
You know you love him ?” 

'^But is — is — Lena is that enough?” Susie 
asked timidly. '*'1 can not give him — .” 

Lena wheeled and stared at her. '‘You — You 
with all your ideals saying such dime-novel stuif 
as that? Susie Eggson you don’t mean it — you 
are making yourself lower than your ideal and 
— well I guess you got the symptoms all right of 
being head over heels in love. You are moony 
and — and — ” 

"Go on, say the rest.” 

"Well luny/’ 

Before bedtime, Lena again appeared and 
suggested — "Let’s you and I go into Columbus 
next Saturday and spend the day, just to get 
away from the monotony of this place.” 

Susie jumped up with her old time enthu- 
siasm. "All right, we will. Shall we have Dr. 
Barnes meet us, and we can all have lunch to- 
gether ?” 

"Oh make it dinner. I can eat oceans.” It 
was exactly what Lena wanted her to say. So 
in her room at ten thirty, a light still burned, and 
her pen scratched loud. To Barnes she wrote — 

"Meet us at ‘The Gift’ at eleven thirty and 
have Angilina Morehouse with you. Pretend 


204 


When He Found Himsele 


she is a friend of yours and that she and I have 
previously met. Fll write to Mr. Fuller telling 
him to come there, as if by accident, so Susie 
can not avoid meeting him. She is dying to see 
him but too stubborn, or something. How will 
I ever live through this week? Fm so afraid 
ril give my plans away. I won’t tell a soul — only 
Katie.” 

The following Wednesday evening, Susie on 
a stool, before a low old-fashioned dresser, 
brushing her wilful, dark hair, turned to the 
younger girl, ''What is the use anyway?” 

"The use? What do you mean, Susie?” 

"Why teaching, year after year as I have 
taught, using the best time of my life. Now 
when my work is done I am tired — so tired I don’t 
even want to talk to anyone. My brain is weary.” 

"Yes, but the success you have had, repays 
you, doesn’t it?” 

"That is the question, does it? Parents and 
children seem grateful, yet do they give a teacher 
all the credit she should have?” shaking her 
brush vigorously. 

"Isn’t it strange? I have always wanted a 
home of my own, and children — what is grander, 
.sweeter? But it seems that the girls who have 
ideals are always the ones who never find then^. 
When I look back, the pictures of those thirteen 


When He Found Himself 


205 


years are dull, and colorless, when laid beside 
a picture of thirteen years of home life and hap- 
piness. Lena don’t ever spend thirteen years in 
teaching, it takes away all your ambition and 
leaves you a nervous wreck.” 

“Now, and just think of all those suitors you 
have turned down. Especially the one that drove 
all the way to take you to the fair” — wickedly — 
“also poor Frank in Florida is waiting for a kind 
reply from his little Susie in Ohio.” 

“Yes, but honestly not one has been — .” 

“Yes, yes, I know — that kind that makes 
your heart flutter and the roses come to your 
cheeks. Uh huh, the kind, you read about.” 

Both girls laughed at this, and their serious, 
confidential talk ended as usual by Lena putting 
cares to rout, and their merry voices sounded to 
Mr. and Mrs. Harrington below. Daddy glanc- 
ing up from his paper to mother tatting, smiled. 

“Susie twist your hair up any old way and 
let’s take a stroll, it is such a beautiful moonlight 
night,” and Lena pulled back the curtain for 
Susie to see. 

“All right and if the stores aren’t closed, let’s 
get some olives. What will Samsoun think of 
tv^o such wanderlust teachers?” 

So together they stroked up the street to the 
store, then walked slowly up the north street until 


206 


When He Found Himself 


they came to the vacant lots. Standing there 
drinking in the beauty of the night, Lena put her 
hands on Susie’s shoulders and turning her face 
westward exclaimed, '‘Susie, see that one lone 
star above the western horizon? See how much 
larger and brighter it is than all the other stars?” 

“ Y es,” — wonderingly . 

“Well that is our star — your star — ^my star. 
Shining for you — for me.” 

“For all humanity, too.” 

“But all do not see it. It is only for those 
who will look for it.” 

“I don’t understand you, Lena. That star 
is unobtainable to us and does us no more good 
than all the other stars.” 

“Oh, Susie, dear, listen. Out there in the 
distant future somewhere, is your ideal, and my 
ideal, waiting for you — for me. He is working 
for you — living for you. He is like that star, 
bigger and brighter to you than all the rest. He 
like that star, is for you, but all humanity will 
not see him or know him. His soul will shine 
for you alone.” They stood silently for a quarter 
of an hour, then the older girl, her eyes misty, 
drew the younger girl’s hand into hers and went 
quietly homeward^ Lena humming “Absent.” 
And, as they walked under the maples, their 
voices blended together — 


When He Found Himself 


207 


“The tall trees whisper, whisper heart to heart, 
From my fond lips the eager answer falls 
Thinking I hear thee, 

Thinking I hear thee call.” 


Saturday the meeting of the two girls, Doctor 
Barnes and Miss Morehouse seemed only an 
ordinary meeting to Susie. Clothed in a new 
gray brown suit, she stood with ease, talking and 
jesting with the Doctor. More than one eye 
glanced toward the four or turned their head at 
the sound of the fresh, girlish voices. It was a 
quaint Japanese shop. The walls and tables were 
decorated with Japanese art and the quaint 
beauty of the place entered the spirit of the 
group. 

‘Tsn’t this a fine place for our little party,’' 
Susie ejaculated. Chairs were drawn back, and 
Susie was just going to help Miss Morehouse 
with her veil when Dr. Barnes looked around and 
exclaimed — ''Well as I live, there is Mr. Fuller. 
How singular that he too should dine here today. 
I must go and bring him to our table. He doesn’t 
see us.” 

Lena tried to be very calm. Her heart beat 
fast Guy also trying to be unconcerned, was 
taking a place in the front of the room. 

'Who?” Susie gasped, 'Who? Where? 
Oh, Lena. I can’t face him.” 


208 


When He Found Himself 


Lena turned to her fiercely and bending close, 
her voice hissed — ‘If you turn him down, Fll 
hate you. Hate you like a sneak — you’ll be liv- 
ing a lie. Do as your heart tells you and for- 
get Sylvia Nichols. You know, you love him. 
You are afraid to do what you know is right. 
If ever a good man breathed, he is walking to- 
ward you now.” Lena gasped for breath, pre- 
tended to unbutton her jacket and had lots of 
trouble with her belt, so when at last she looked 
up, she saw Guy looking down at Susie. Susie’s 
hand laid in his, her eyes gave him a fleeting look 
— but even her fingertips told him she loved him. 

It was the first time Guy had met Miss More- 
house — little did he think, the hand she extended 
to him, held the grimy forefinger that once shook 
in his face, or that the soft rich voice once whined 
his destiny. 

'This almost seems like Samsoun,” he cried, 
"if only Mr. and Mrs. Harrington were here — ” 

"And Katie to serve,” Susie added. 

"Oh, how I would enjoy being back just once 
more,” Guy said soberly. 

Susie felt the hurt tone in his voice and it 
made her feel sorry and selfish. There would 
have been an awkward moment but Lena said 
readily, "Miss Morehouse have you ever been to 


When He Found Himself 


209 


Samsoun?’’ It was a cruel question but Angi- 
lina understood — it was for effect. 

‘‘1 have been through there, I believe,’’ she 
smiled, '‘but I have heard so much through Doc- 
tor Barnes, I feel I know the place.” 

“You were luckier than I, I never got clear 
through.” Then they discussed the accident. It 
brought many scenes back to Guy and Susie. 
“Do you know,” he seemed to see only Susie and 
to be speaking to her alone, “I will never forget 
the vision I caught of you, when bending over 
me, while they were clearing the wreck away. 
There were many happy times we had together.” 

“Yes,” she murmured and she too seemed 
only to see him. His heart leaped — for an in- 
stant they saw each other and forgot the people 
around them. 

It was a scene of real acting, and Angilina 
Morehouse played her part well. Pictures of 
the past flitted rapidly through her mind, but 
their memories hurt and cut deep. Dr. Barnes 
and Lena knew there must not be any blundering 
places, so they tried hard to think of some in- 
teresting subject. 

“It makes one feel ambitious to get to the 
city where everything is moving along. I love 
the hustle, bustle and somehow it makes all hu- 

J4 


210 


When He Found Himself 


manity seem so near/’ Lena remarked, as they 
seated themselves around the table. 

'This is such an inspiring little place to dine,” 
Angilina, hurried on. She too, caught the idea 
of making things smooth. "In here one feeL 
away from the mad rush. You see when one 
lives in the city constantly we sometimes grow 
a little weary of it. Don’t you think so, Mr. 
Fuller?” 

"Ah, yes. But again, I love it all.” 

A Japanese girl came in and took their order, 
after she left. Dr. Barnes, said thotfully — "In 
my work I see in one day the wealthiest and the 
poorest, the highest and the lowest classes of 
people. Yet it is with the latter that often I get 
the clearest visions of heaven. Oh, the style and 
airs some do put on. Just show — merely to sat- 
isfy their vanity and one half of those kind don’t 
have a speck of culture or refinement.” 

"No, style doesn’t make us refined or cul- 
tured,” Miss Morehouse reflected. "Some peo- 
ple can be so stylish they are a walking fashion 
plate — yet they never show that spice called cul- 
ture.” She had already captured Susie’s atten- 
tion by her winning personality. 

"I would call it not, culture, but a lack of 
charm,” Barnes proposed. 


When He Found Himself 


211 


'‘What do you call charm?” Susie and Guy 
asked in almost one breath. 

“Great minds always run in the same direc- 
tion,” Lena laughed. 

“Charm?” and the Doctor stuck his hands 
in his pockets and drew a long breath, as was 
his habit when deeply interested. “Charm, is 
that indefinable something that reflects the higher 
consciousness of the better self. It is not per- 
sonal appearance, dress, education, or a dozen 
other attributes, but has its expression in all of 
these and makes them more valuable. In fact it 
makes us feel with Browning — 

“God’s in His Heaven, 

All’s right with the world.” 

“It is something we feel, but telling it is quite 
another thing,” Angilina smiled. 

“The French women have charm which no 
other women can equal,” Lena said. 

“Yes, but they use their charm for only their 
men, their husbands usually. When they learn 
to apply this to their children and reach a hand 
to humanity, as our women do, they will become 
a great race. For from charm combined with 
ambition and an independent spirit, arises great 
people. It is the French mothers who can give 
this gift to the world — charm,” Susie said. 


212 


When He Found Himself 


''A great reformation is taking place in this 
world. And it will not be the Generals, the 
presidents, the writers or statesmen, nor war 
that will reform this world — it will be the 
mothers. The mothers who have had an ideal — 
married him, and by the strength that only such 
a husband can give — will rear, dean, noble chil- 
dren,'’ Guy asserted. 

And at that, something flooded Susie’s soul 
and made her feel as only those who have really 
loved, can feel — as if the angels were lifting her 
soul to a land of beautiful things. She had 
passed through the world of rivals, of strife, of 
hate and jealousy and now stood at the threshold 
of beautiful things — could she enter or would she 
have to linger and mingle with the former? 

'‘This war is teaching the world a new lesson. 
We will learn that man’s real power and true 
nobility is not in his lineage, but in the disposi- 
tion and development of his soul. And in order 
for this to be of the best, there must be full play 
for the formative influences of Christianity upon 
character. This war is the surgeon’s knife in 
the boil of society. Our society of today keeps 
many souls from feeling the Christian influence.” 

‘Tt isn’t only society Doctor,” Angilina added, 
"but the church itself today is keeping many 
souls from Christian love and brotherhood. 


When He Found Himself 


213 


Churches are supposed to stand for brotherhood, 
yet members come and go, afraid to show their 
need to each other/’ 

“This war is laid to the fault of the churches 
by some,” Lena commented. 

“It is because we have so much of creed 
handed to us over the pulpit every Sunday morn- 
ing, in place of Christ-like inspiration our 
hearts, perhaps unconsciously, are seek'ng,” the 
older woman went on. “Our religion isn’t big 
enough to spread over the world, it settles into a 
little narrow corner and is so feeble it can not 
arise. And why? Because of creeds. The Pres- 
byterian, Methodist, Baptist, Catholic — each 
must stay in their own trench, afraid to mingle 
together and go 'Over the top’.” 

“France already through her tears is seeing 
Christ, and England has crossed the channel to 
the new Christianity. My accident has taught 
me that I need not be within the roar of cannon 
to do my part, but begin with those I come in 
daily contact with. The clouds are breaking — 
we need but have faith now,” Guy responded. 

Barnes nodded — “Yes, sir. The money 
skunks are being downed — the man, not money, 
will stand. What you are, not what you see.” 

“The man or woman who wins, sees out in 
the future a goal so high, that only by perfect 


214 


When He Found Himself 


love, trust and faith can they reach it” — and very 
reverently Angilina leaned forward to Lena and 
murmured, '‘God bless the ones who help us to 
that goal.” 

Lena’s eyes dropped lower and lower, until 
wSusie thot she saw a tear, and wondered why ? 

As the dark haired maid glided back and 
forth skillfully serving them, the conversation 
took a lighter vein. 

"Does Katie still make 'Love Knots’?” Guy 
asked. 

"She hasn’t made a one since you left,” Lena 
declared. 

After dinner the Doctor suggested, "Shall 
we spend the afternoon at Keith’s?” 

"I would prefer Hartman’s,” Guy said. 

As they entered the theater, he winked at 
Barnes as he neared the ticket office. "When 
does the play begin?” he asked, and slipped back 
to the group. In the theater Susie whispered to 
Guy when the lights went low, "How did you 
happen to get such good seats at ‘so ilate a 
moment ?” 

"Luck, I guess. Susie, I think I’m the luck- 
iest man in the world.” 

And such a look as she gave him. It made 
him bend very close and say, "Because I found 
you.” She didn’t know those tickets had laid in 


When He Found Himself 


215 


his vest pocket for two days, but she knew, she 
felt wonderfully happy. 

It was dusk when Miss Morehouse and 
Barnes left them. Guy and the two girls had a 
nice lunch and when the big hotel doors opened 
to let them out Susie cried, “Lena, the Land 
Turtle” and clapped her prettily gloved hands. 
She was her old self, bewitching and yes — 
charming. Guy decided right then, he could de- 
scribe charm now as well as Barnes. 

“To the station,” he told Andrew. 

In the train he said good-bye to Lena. There 
was a lot he wanted to tell that girl. She was 
plucky, the kind a man likes to know. He owed 
her a lot but only mumbled — “Fve got my key, 
now.” 

Lena felt dreadfully in the way — she wanted 
to give them a few minutes alone, so she rushed 
for a drink and flung back in a low tone to Guy 
— “And it fits a golden lock.” 

“Susie,” he cried as he held her hands, “tell 
me I can come now, soon, soon. I can not wait. 
You will let me come, now?” 

“Yes, yes. This has been a wonderful day, 
a perfect day.” 

“You are my ideal, Susie. I have found you, 
when can I come ?” 

The train jerked. “Til send for you. Not 


216 


When He Found Himself 


until I send for you.” He bent low, kissed her 
hand and ran from the coach. 

* * * * 

Then a whole month passed, and Susie each 
day felt her need of Guy, but would not send 
for him. School closed, and one spring evening 
she left the little town and went to her home down 
among the great hills in Central Ohio, where she 
was as free as a wood nymph. Spring breezes 
played with her hair, and the birds sang for her 
as she gathered the flowers still fresh with dew. 
A big black dog followed her faithfully around 
the old farm, and her mother cooked many dainty 
dishes and listened eagerly for her step and voice. 
One evening they sat on the vine covered porch 
from which they could see for miles over the 
surrounding country, and Mrs. Eggson waited 
patiently for the secret she knew Susie was hold- 
ing back. At last it rolled out — the entire story 
of their friendship — ^of Sylvia — their accidental 
meeting in ‘The Gift Shop’, until the girl’s heart 
laid wide open and Mrs. Eggson knew. 

“What shall I do mother? What is right 
for me to do?” 

“It is right and only just, that you should 
love the man God sent to you. Susie can’t you 
see, that the accident has been the means of 


When He Found Himself 


217 


bringing you two who have ideals together. My 
little girl, you are all that is left to me now — but 
tell me what your heart knows is right, and 
weigh my questions carefully. 

“Would you be willing to go to the ends of 
the world with him — endure poverty, and trust 
him — no matter what the gossiping world might 
say?” 

The big moon was just rising over the dis- 
tant pines. She rested her head on her mother’s 
knee until it left the pines, and its big face 
smiled on the cottage and peeked in at the two. 

“Yes. I would give up all for him, money, 
friends — all — just for his love and to be the 
mother of his children.” 

“I know you speak the truth — then Susie — 
you must send for him.” So she did, and before 
a second day passed, a man, with a lithe figure 
swung from the steps of the afternoon train, 
climbed th^ long, long hill and found her — 
“Susie,” he cried, “Fve found you. Will I ever 
lose you?” 

“Not unless you lose yourself,” she mur- 
mured, “for we are one.” 

There under the budding apple trees, he 
found himself. 


218 


When He Found Himself 


It was the middle of May when the postman 
brought Lena a letter addressed in rather a queer 
hand and written with pencil. When she opened 
it a cry of joy escaped her lips — it was from 
Katie. 

“Me Dear girl”, it read. “It’s after a bein’ kind of hard for 
me to write but me poor head is so full I must see you soon. 
So I’m goin’ to be cornin’ to Columbus, Friday morning on the 
9:55. Meet me at the station for I’m after a bein’ so nervous 
about the trip, I can’t sleep nights. I have so many things to 
be tellin’ you. I’ve been a writin’ some down. It sure’n been 
lonesome here without you two. 

With love, Katie. 

“P. S. Can’t you be havin’ that Angel — I can’t be spellin’ 
her name — so I can see her. I want to be tellin’ her what I 
think of her now. No one here knows why I’m a cornin’. It 
after a bein’ nine years since I come in Columbus alone.” 

So Katie was really coming to Columbus. 
Lena knew she had something important to tell 
or she would not come. She phoned to Angilina 
and arranged for her to see Katie Friday after- 
noon. 

Friday morping when Katie dressed in her 
black silk, sat dignifiedly in Lena’s room she be- 
gan her story. 

“ ’Twas a Monday night after you were a 
leavin’, that the board met. I had gone up to me 
room but went back to the kitchen by the back 
stair for something, when I heard that president 


When He Found Himself 


219 


a say in’, ‘Well, we been havin’ quite a successful 
term of school but — ah — but — .’ So old Katie 
was just sharp enough to be listenin’ a little. 

“Then the good saint Mr. Connor was a 
clearin’ his throat and sayin’ — ‘It has relieved 
us of a good deal of embarrassment to know 
Miss Eggson — doesn’t — ah — care for the school 
next year’. 

“And next came that short, bald headed 
brother a chirpin’ in — ‘Miss LaPaige too.’ I 
could see him a grinnin’ clear through the door. 
But Mr. George said clear and loud — ‘Why do 
you feel relieved because the girls do not want 
the school ?’ ” 

“Then Lena,” and Katie’s head nodded vio- 
lently, “here’s phwat’s a makin’ me mad and these 
are after a bein’ his very words. Old Connor 
said, ‘Surely you have heard the talk that has 
gone over the village during the winter. Their 
conduct was not becomin’ for teachers’.” 

Katie paused. It was quite an effort for her 
to reproduce their speeches and use their 
language. 

“There I was in a settin’ by the kitchen door 
a bearin’ it all. ‘The Lord be a forgivin’ him’, I 
muttered, ‘I cant’. 

“So they goes on a discussin’ you and Susie. 
Mr. George a stickin’ up for you both, and Mr. 


220 


When He Found Himself 


Connor and our dear bald headed brother a heap- 
in’ coals of fire on your poor heads. Until fin- 
ally old Connor blurts out — 'Well you all know 
how that Mr. Fuller was engaged to that Miss 
Nichols and ’pears to be keepin’ another light 
haired woman somewhere and a child too, that 
probably is a bein’ his child. So Fm a thinkin’ 
since we know what kind of man he is — if Miss 
Eggson took to h’m and run with him, she’s the 
same kind of a girl as he is a man.’ 

"And our bald brother says again, 'I was a 
noticin’ one night down in the Pataskala depot 
they seemed very hilarious, especially Miss 
LaPaige.’ Listen, Lena, hi-lar-rious. Think of 
that, you a bein’ judged by one of Samsoun’s 
saints,” Katie laughed sarcastically. 

"Mr. George was after a bein’ the maddest 
man I ever saw so he got up and says,” Katie 
leaned close as if afraid someone would hear 
her, "he says — The divil. People who live in 
glass houses shouldn’t throw any stones’. My, 
that did me good.” 

"Katie,” Lena interrupted, "when Susie and 
I went there, Samsoun seemed an ideal town — 
now I see some people with different eyes.” 

"If there was only a bein’ more men like Mr. 
George, who see their own faults before they see 
other peoples.” 


When He Found Himself 


221 


‘‘But why is there such a fuss made about our 
friendship with Mr. Fuller? I think there must 
be something else back of it.’’ 

“Ah, ain’t old Katie a knowin’ it. That just 
the place I’m cornin’ to. Mrs. Wilson some way 
or other knows, you know what kind of a life 
she is leadin’ and she is afraid of you. She is 
afraid you’ll let the cat out of the bag. So she is 
tryin’ to down your name an reputation, so if 
you should be a tellin’, people wouldn’t have any 
faith in you.” 

“Why Katie, if I told all I knew about her, 
wouldn’t Samsoun open its eyes. Out there they 
have their temperance and missionary meetings 
— they discuss the sins' and immoral life found 
in the cities and they pray so hard for a better 
world. But tell me, who is living in greater sin, 
the city woman who openly lives an immoral life 
or a woman as Mrs. Wilson who hides it in the 
church? But how does she connect with the 
school board?” 

“Oh, she’s after a doing her meanness 
through Mr. Connor. He’s her chief advisor, 
and she has been a tellin’ him that she doesn’t 
thmk good of you at all. She thin.rs Susie is 
after a bein’ leagued with you. And phwat sur- 
prises me, Lena, and jest between you and I, 
but it makes me blood bile — Mr. Harrington sat 


222 


When He Found Himself 


there through it all, and when he saw how hot 
it was a gettin’ he said, ‘Well, I did try to warn 
the girls, but they paid no attention to me at all’/’ 

“It’s a lie,” Lena exclaimed, “Every word of 
it.” 

“Course it’s a lie. Ain’t I after a knowin*, 
and I’ll stick up for you too as long as there’s 
wind in me. They wait until you two gits where 
you can’t be a takin’ your own part, then they 
talk.” 

“Katie, if we were making such an awful 
mistake why didn’t they come and tell us in a 
gentle way about it? That would not have hurt 
nearly as bad as this gossip that is going around. 
But their gossip shall never hurt us — it is the 
people who do it that will feel its sting — some- 
time. Those people in Samsoun have children 
growing up — perhaps the sting will fall on their 
daughters. I hope not.” 

“If the mothers there weren’t so afraid of 
the gossip and would encourage their boys and 
girls to be gettin’ acquainteed and goin’ with 
different ones, instead of bein’ after a stickin’ 
to the first one they’ve looked at, there’d be more 
young couples happier married and better fitted 
for each other, than there be. No it wasn’t after 
a bein’ your friendship with Mr. Fuller, so much. 


When He Found Himself 


223 


that made Connor blow, it was Mrs. Wilson’s 
tongue back of him.” 

‘'This is a beautiful world, but through all 
the lands, there is no one who is perfect. No 
matter how high the ideals, there is neither man 
nor woman free from faults. But as we live on, 
we must refuse to see those defects and note and 
praise the good. When we can do that our world 
will be a better dwelling place. It is the evil in 
us that causes us to seek and need God, and makes 
us grow. If our garden had no weeds we would 
not bother to hoe it and keep the soil in fine con- 
dition for the useful plants. Katie if I have 
sinned, it may be that Angilina’s soul will bal- 
ance the scales in my favor.” 

And Katie and Lena talked on. That evening 
after Lena and Miss Morehouse had put Katie 
safely on the train, they found a quiet place and 
had dinner together. 

“Twilight, my Twilight,” Angilina whispered, 
“how can I ever repay you?” 

“Sh, sh, think nothing of it. The joy of 
knowing you, is enough,” Lena answered. “Now, 
Katie and I wonder, if you can find out who this 
light-haired woman and the child are. You are 
a good detective, you should make it your profes- 
sion.” 


224 


When He Found Himself 


''Mr. Fuller went to Susie, yesterday.’' 

"How do you know?” 

"Barnes found out someway. All right Fll 
do all I can about this woman. You won’t dare 
ask Susie if she knows, will you?” 

"Gracious no! She probably knows nothing 
about her. I feel he is an honorable man but 
this gossip is worrying me. I want to know the 
straight of the story.” 

"You’ll know before very long,” Angilina 
promised. 

5k * * 

Before May ended, Sylvia slowly traveled 
northward and again made her appearance in 
Springfield. She greatly surprised Lena one day 
with a friendly letter insisting that she come at 
once to Springfield for a few days. 

Lena went and found Sylvia much her old 
self, but a little haughtier in her manner, and 
very restless. 

"Why don’t you take up nursing?” Lena 
asked. 

"There is no reason for me doing so. I have 
money and plenty of social engagements to keep 
me busy.” 

"You are just the one who should,” the girl 
answered. 

Sylvia shivered when she pictured her white 


When He Found Himself 


225 


hands covered with blood, from dressing ugly 
wounds, and how she must give up all her world 
for such distasteful work. But her proud spirit 
was just a little bent from her past experience, 
and finally Dr. Barnes after several weeks of first 
coaxing and then plain talking, at the astonish- 
ment of all her friends, persuaded Sylvia 
Nichols, the beautiful society belle, to enter a 
government hospital. 


16 * 


CHAPTER TWELVE 


Did you ever go to a park or place of pleasure and watch 
the people glide over the dancing floors? No two couples dance 
alike. A waltz is being played — here two go quietly through — 
there others swing and sway, making the onlooker forget the 
beauty of the music. 

So dancing is like life. We go in couples down the way; 
some drift dreamily along, never making a misstep, while others 
can not keep in step and so lose the sweetness of the floating 
strains. We need never dance through life without music, 
whether we live in cottage or in palace. The jingling orchestra 
shifting out melodies may be lacking, but throw open your win- 
dows and let the gurgling throat of nature thrill your soul, and 
bring that wonderful joy that only she can bring. The sparkling 
brook rushing on, the robin lilting on a swaying bough, and all 
the plaintive callings of the little, living things blended with the 
murmuring of the breezes make an orchestra, divine. 

It is for all, yet its exquisite rendering reaches only those 
that listen. 

Summer came and Susie and Guy found in 
her presence the beauty and joys that lovers 
alone can find. Rambling over the hills together, 
driving to the little stone church on Sundays, 
and reading under the old apple trees, their 
spirits became so sacredly united that a wedding 
seemed a strange and unnecessary performance. 

^'It is but for the eyes of the world,” Guy said. 

'^Yes,” Susie answered, ‘'God joined us last 
May when you came to me.” 

( 226 ) 


When He Found Himself 


227 


It isn't the words of the minister that unites 
man and woman. In perfect love they are united 
the moment of their betrothal — when heart calls 
heart, and the meaning is read in each others 
eyes. People who seek divorces have never been 
joined by God — they merely thot they loved. 

And the day for the wedding was set late in 
September. Thots of Florence kept creeping 
into Susie's mind but never stayed long. She 
trusted him. One evening, two weeks before 
their wedding, she dropped to sleep and dreamed 
she saw Guy marrying Florence. She awoke 
suddenly and found herself crying, and try as 
she might the horror would not leave her. Why 
didn't he tell her about this Flo? Her hair 
fell in a mass over her pink clad shoulders as she 
knelt by the open window, slowly peace crept 
into her soul and she reached for her bible. 

'Tove suffereth long and is kind," she read. 
''Love envieth not, love vaunteth not itself, is 
not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, 
seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, 
thinketh no evil ; rejoiceth not in iniquity but re- 
joiceth in the truth ; beareth all things, believeth 
all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 
Love never faileth." 

Then she laid her head on the window sill 
and breathed a prayer, as she had a year ago for 


228 


When He Found Hiivtself 


this man whom God had entrusted to her care. 
''Help me to be worthy of him/’ she murmured 
and fell asleep. 

* * * * 

The twenty-seventh of September, Susie 
av/oke to see the light of the new day, coming 
over the pines. And while dawn stealthily, as 
if fear of being punished, broke the filmy, dewy 
net which Eventide had spun with her weird 
wheel, Susie gathered an armful of waxen lilies 
for her wedding bower. Guy had come the pre- 
vious evening, and with her dress and hair damp 
with the dew he caught her and kissed her. 
"Good-bye, to Susie Eggson,” he whispered. 
"Hello, Mrs. Guy Fuller.” Her cheeks flushed, 
but in answer she laid her head against his chest. 

Mother and Daddy Harrington came early 
and Katie bustling in her silk, donned a big apron 
and bossed everybody, especially when she began 
her, 'Love Knots’. Lena was there too. Some- 
thing seemed to wbrry her, but everyone — except 
Katie — thot it was because she was going to play 
the wedding march. 

The little cottage was decorated with autumn 
flowers. Anxious guests filled the room, and 
talked in low tones. The wedding party was 
waiting at the head of the stair — Lena kept her 
eyes on the road and at last over the top of the 


When He Found Himself 


229 


hill a big machine came in sight, stopped in front 
of the cottage. Two persons scrambled out, and 
Katie hustled them into the room, adjoining the 
guests. The woman hastily lifted a violin from 
its case and struck a chord on the piano. Lena 
kissed a little chubby face, and ran up the stairs 
and stood behind the wedding party. 

As the sound of the violin reached Susie and 
Guy, they looked at each other in a startled man- 
ner. Like lightning it flashed through Guy’s 
mind, that only one violin possessed that soft, 
sweet tone, only one person could give it that 
wonderful touch. 

Both turned to Lena as if she held the an- 
swer. ‘Tlorence!” Guy half exclaimed, half 
questioned. “Who brought her here?” 

“I did,” Lena said calmly. 

“Oh, I am glad,” Susie’s voice quivered. “It 
makes me so happy, Guy.” 

“How do you know Florence ?” he stammered. 
“How do you know about her ?” 

And pulling his head down she whispered. 
“You told me. Dear, when you were delirious, 
a year ago. My heart has often ached at your 
silence, but I knew it would come right.” 

“Darling,’ and he crushed her to him. 

The strains of the wedding march drifted 
through the flowery rooms. Lena’s fingers 


230 


When He Found Himself 


trembled as she played the accompaniment for 
Florence. 

“We must hurry my husband/’ Susie said al- 
most through tears — tears of wondrous happi- 
ness. “The march is half through now and — you 
mustn’t muss the bride.” 

Slowly they decended the stairs and, as the 
minister’s deep voice read the solemn words, the 
music grew softer and softer until it was so faint 
and sweet, all the perfume and dainty color of 
the flowers seemed to echo the notes. 

The minister took the ring from the lily born 
by Susie’s little nephew, the music grew louder, 
then as the last chords sounded loud and clear — 
as if rejoicing, a little figure clad in white velvet, 
sprang forth and showered the bride and groom 
with flowers. 

“Aunt Susie,’ his childish voice cried as she 
gathered him into her arms. “I knew Fd like 
you, ’cause Lena told me all about you. Now 
you’ll love me, and tell me stories.” 

“Florence,” Guy said, “this is my little wife,” 

“As if you needed to tell me,” the light-haired 
woman said sweetly. “She’s just the kind we’d 
choose for him, isn’t she Loyd?” And Katie 
brushed a tear away and muttered, “That’s jest 
what Fm after a sayin’. I knew Fd been seein’ 
him before. ’Twas jest about four years ago, 


When He Found Himself 


231 


Guy and that woman stopped at the corner and 
was a askin' me the way to Pataskala. And Mrs. 
Florence had a babe in her arms — 'tis that little 
dumplin' Loyd. Fm a knowin'. I knew last 
winter Fd seen him. Bless his heart." 

Guy was strapping the last suitcase, and Sus^e 
was pinning on her traveling hat, when he said 
to her, “Dear, what all did I tell you concerning 
Florence when I was delirious?" 

“Nothing definite. You just kept raving 
about her and saying that you must provide for 
them. Can you tell me now or have we time?" 

He jumped to his feet, “Susie, my little wife, 
is that all you know?" 

“All — except Loyd called me Aunt Susie." 

“You loved me, promised to m.arry me — mar- 
ried me, and now ready to go to the ends of the 
world — without distrusting or doubting and all 
the time, that must have been in your mind." 

“Yes — but not in my heart, Guy — I love you 
and perfect love never faileth." 

“Florence, an orphaned cousin, was brought 
into my home when she was three years old. We 
were brought up as brother and sister, then when 
she grew into a beautiful woman and eloped with 
an actor, who later deserted her — my family 
would have nothing to do with her. Since Loyd 
was a baby, I have kept them until just this 


232 


When He Found Himself 


summer. Florence has won her way into music 
lovers' world and has an income of her own. She 
is as dear to me as any sister could be, and Loyd 
always calls me Uncle Guy." 

He walked to the window, ''Susie, Ive been 
a horrid monster for not telling you — but I didn't 
think somehow, I knew you'd feel toward her as 
I do and love them both." 

"Do you want to make me the happiest woman 
in the world? Well then, just stop thinking your 
anything else but my own husband, and — and 
fix my collar in the back." 

^ SN * 

While in a crowded hospital in Camp Dix. 
Sylvia Nichols passing from cot to cot, giving 
water to feverish lips and writing letters foj 
armless men, was learning how to forget self 
and cheer those brave heroes. She was learning 
a lesson, no one else could teach her quite so 
well — that there is such a thing as an ideal man 
— and love. Love of country, love for the big 
things in life and — a woman. 

Now .she saw how cheap the life she had lead 
must have seemed to Guy. She saw herself as he 
saw her, that one December evening. 

As she smoothed a hot brow until the rest- 
less head laid still, and his eyes closed she made 


When He Found Himself 233 

her first real prayer since childhood — “Oh, God,’' 
she murmured, “help me to live so this spotless 
linen I wear will never more hide such a small, 
shallow, mean heart. And — and — it was hard 
to say, “Bless Guy’s home, and make it all that I 
could not.” 

j!? >lc 

Down in Central Ohio, at a country station, 
two happy people boarded a train. And as 
merry voices called to them in parting, showers 
of rice went through the windows — for Katie 
had said — “I know it’s not after a bein’ patriotic 
but we must throw a little for good luck.” 

The train pulled away and as it fled through 
the valley it called back — “I thot they would — 
I thot they would — I thot they would.” 


[the end.] 



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